Back from Winter Break and already homesick

College Life
1

I am a freshman at a university with around 14,000 undergraduates, entering my second (spring) semester. I just got back to school from a 4-week winter break a few hours ago, and I am already homesick. I only live about an hour away from my college, so it may seem ridiculous that I am homesick already. This coming weekend is a 3-day weekend, for Martin Luther King Jr. Day on Monday, and I plan on going home. I get so bored on the weekends here, I literally sit in my room all day on the weekends on my computer, which is why I enjoy going home on some weekends. During my first semester, I didn’t go home every weekend, more like two weekends per month (give or take)…

The main problem is that I have not made any friends since starting school. During the election season I helped out with a volunteer group that kept me busy for the first few months of my college career, and I really wasn’t homesick when I first started college because I was so busy, until early November, that all ended. The people I got to know through that and worked with on nearly a daily basis have gone on to other things and I do not speak with them very often. Since the election is over, I usually just sit in my dorm room all day on my computer after I am done with class, studying, watching Netflix, browsing through Facebook, watching YouTube videos, etc. When I go to the dining hall to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner, I go alone and eat by myself. While the fact that I eat alone doesn’t bother me while I’m doing so, just thinking about it right now bothers me and I am very emotional about it. I will add that I have one roommate. I get along with him, but wouldn’t describe ourselves as friends and don’t talk that often.

I am in one organization and we meet about once a week, but other than that, I am not involved with any other organizations. I have online friends through video games that I enjoy talking to, but when it comes to real-life friends at college, it is a different situation.

I am not a shy person, in fact, most people think I am an extrovert. I just have trouble making friends (especially at college, since I feel that since I’m not a partier, my chances of making “friendships” have decreased big time). I just feel as if everyone already has friends and that I don’t fit in with anyone. Once I have friends however, it is not a problem. Again, I am not a drinker/partier, simply because I don’t have an interest in doing that. I try to focus on my academics as much as possible, but would like to balance a social life with my school life. I completed last semester with a 4.0 GPA. I just have acquaintances around campus, I have no close friends that I go and talk to or hang out with if needed.

That is the main thing that I miss about home… Having people around that I know care about me and are available to talk to and hang out with (my family & high school friends at home). I try to think different thoughts to keep myself from getting sad, like counting down the days until I can go home on long weekends and breaks, but I know I’ll have to come back eventually because I am fully focused on getting my degree so I can be successful.

In a perfect situation, I’d like to enjoy college AND home – not just home as I do currently. I enjoy my classes, but when I am outside of class at college, that is when I begin to not enjoy being here… Everyone else is being social and has friends, but I am just sitting in my room on my computer. While I realize that there are many other people that also don’t socialize much outside of class, and would rather be tucked away in their room reading a book, watching TV, on the computer, etc., I don’t want to be doing that all of the time as I am now…

Does anyone have some advice that I might be able to use to help with this situation? Has anyone been in a similar situation and had success resolving it? Are there any tips for making friends, given my personality? And are there any thoughts I can think to myself to make it better?

Thank you for reading!

2

Reading this, I think your main problem is that you’re shutting yourself in your room. You say that you have one organization you’re a part of…maybe you need to join more. Really, the best way to make friends on campus is to throw yourself into every social activity that you can as often as possible. And, if you’re serious about making friends, you need to initiate conversations with people. Whether that’s at club meetings or in classrooms, you have to be willing to put yourself forward. Once you realize that everyone else feels just as awkward, it gets a lot easier.

3

Congrats on your excellent first semester grades! Have you considered being a peer tutor? Helping others is a great way to get out of your focus on how homesick and unhappy you are. I can promise that you will not make any friends by hiding in your room (really, that’s kind of what you’re doing). It can feel scary to put yourself out there, but it’s worth it. I can assure you that there are other non-partying kids at your school. Join some clubs and get involved in a variety of activities – you will find your people. Good luck!

4

What do you like to do? Or what WOULD you like to do if you could? Is there an activity or cause to get involved in? Maybe some kind of volunteer work? Or just throwing yourself into something completely different that you’ve never tired before but always wanted to learn? Most schools of that size have a lot of clubs, outing groups, organizations. If most people assume you’re an extrovert and you had good friends at home, that’s a pretty good sign that you don’t outwardly look as awkward as you feel right now. A little more getting yourself out there could bring you what you want and need.

5

Thanks for the answers. I agree that getting out of my room more often would make a huge difference. I have applied to be a Resident Advisor for next year and I believe that will be a perfect opportunity for me to stay busy and make friends through that work.