I think we had unprotected sex 4 times and have 5 kids, fortunately my husband is very hands on (we split night feedings with the twins, when we had babies in the house he’d either tell me to run when he got home from work or he took them out). To this day if I say “can I ask a favor” his reply is “anything.” He even took his daughters to out of state and out of the country dance competitions by himself, and must’ve coached close to 100 teams. His dad (95) was exactly the same.
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You hit the jackpot. You must have done something right in the previous life. 
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Certainly I would be sad if that was their choice. We have three adult children. Wish we would have had more. On the lighter side, d2 when taught about the birds and the bees, asked, “You did that three times?”. Looking back over the years, sure seems like it. 
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From misunderstanding adult conversation, I thought marriage was what caused babies, so I thought my parents must have gotten married twice to produce me and my brother.
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I was one of 4 kids growing up. One of my worst character flaws (and my husband and kids will agree) is that I hate to share. Probably from growing up in a family with limited resources and having to share everything, all of the time.
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I told my daughter, when you’re ready, you’ll suck at being a parent too.
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So true! Sometimes when you grow up with lots of siblings, when you grow up and move out you finally have all your own stuff and you aren’t forced to share…
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I was one of four too. My biggest joy is to be able to eat a whole container of strawberries by myself. My mom used to have one of us divi up treats, and whoever divi up wouldn’t be able to choose. At my age, I still do not like to share my food.
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My 19 and 21 year old daughters shared a room, and literally every item of clothing. They danced together and were on the HS track team together, their 4 x 4 400 broke the school record. The division of clothes/shoes was an event when my 21 year old went off to college. However, my 26 year old will not sleep alone in a house (even ours), and all of my kids love having a lot of roommates. My (very slim) 26 year old could be a competitive eater with her speed, if someone didn’t clear their plate another child would take care of it (I made plenty of food but all 5 were/are very into fitness and eat well).
I read that people feel judged based on what others think or tell their family. I really don’t think that was the spirit in which those comments were made.
I can’t think of any hypotheticals but I know I give my kids contrary advice to prevailing wisdom that if people outside the family know about, might feel hurt.
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The number of children is a U-shaped curve. Rich and poor have several children. The struggling middle and UMC have fewer. The horseshoe is real.
My UMC daughter and SIL announced that they felt that they could only afford to have one child. They believe they need to fund what might be a half-million or even million-dollar college education. I don’t know if things can continue at this rate. But I don’t think colleges can continue to command the rates they do. On the the other hand, I’ve been gobsmacked for 20 years at the cost of college and it shows no signs of abating.
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Full disclosure - I am an only, and my ds is also an only. I dislike the stereotypes assigned to onlies, especially with regard to sharing.
The food sharing discussion reminded me of a story. In my early working days at a large accounting firm during tax season, everyone took turns bringing in donuts on working Saturdays. One Saturday, the designated donut bringer was tardy. Everyone was starving by the time he set down the two boxes, and everyone descended on them like vultures. I had never witnessed such snatching and grabbing, and one of my co-workers turned to me and said, “You’ve never had to fight for food have you?” No, I have not. I think he was one of four siblings.
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I can relate. I had an only for 8 years. When she was 5 years old, I shared with a work acquaintance that I was planning to have another, she said “Thank God! Only children turn out to be the serial killers of the world”.
That was definitely the worst comment I received but there were many other insensitive inquiries over the years about why I only had one. My 2nd daughter died a week before her due date. Thankfully, I was blessed with my 3rd daughter, who arrived healthy.
There are 8 years between my two living kids, so essentially I have two “onlys”. I get many inquiries about the 8-year age difference (so much so, that there are times I lie about the age difference by a couple of years to avoid the shocked looks and comments). I don’t share the death of my 2nd daughter with many people (if you’re a close friend of mine, then you already know about it) but every once and while, when I feel that the age span inquiry has a snarky tone, then I do share it - in an effort to teach the person that they should mind their own business about things like how many kids someone has and how many years are in between siblings.
I know several families with 6 kids. They get their share of snarky comments as well about being busy in the bedroom, not using birth control, having their hands full, etc. People really need to shut the **** up about this stuff!
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I appreciate you sharing. I’m very sorry for your loss.
And oof about the serial killer comment. Wth!?!?
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I had a friend who had one child and then triplets about 8 years later. She got asked by people all the time if the triplets were from the same marriage/father.
I get that one occasionally too.
Most of the time I really try to be good natured about it, but I do have my days…
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I was a SAHM to my 5, close in age, all blonde (I live in a very Italian area so they stood out). I learned not to make eye contact with people when out in public. What I found interesting was the different responses from different age groups. The “better you than me” comments were made by people my age, but the older crowd always told me how blessed I was.
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LMAO, when I first read that I thought you meant where the triplets’ father all the same man. Well, YEAH!
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Thanks @88jm19. Sounds interesting.
I only know a handful of folks without kids. One friend chose not to and it was good choice as she and her partner were both alcoholics that died young. One couple were not able to have kids, and chose not to pursue adoption. One guy I work with said they just kept putting it off until they decided it was too late. One cousin married later in life and not sure why she chose not to have kids. The others are mostly single men who never married. The single women I know ended up having kids on their own.
There are 12 grandkids on my DH’s side. Most are still under 35 and are all childless; only 2 are married and I know that both couples want kids. Of the older ones, one is unmarried in her late 30s but the other 4 have kids. On my side, my nephews are still in their 20s. My sister says they say no kids (although one just got out of a long-term relationship so who knows?).
As mentioned, I am just starting to see my friends who have kids early to mid thirties become grandparents. Definitely think kids are waiting longer to create families.
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My daughter has a good friend who has chosen not to get married or have children. She is in a long term relationship which is breaking up, has had her tubes ties and is turning 40 so it’s pretty certain that she’s going to obtain her goals.
It’s been a difficult road with her parents who are not supportive about her choices.
A big issue for my daughter’s friend is that her parents paid for her siblings weddings but have not gifted her an equal amount as she knows she will never marry.
I have to say that the parents have a right to do what they want with their money but it’s really opened up a divide in their relationship. The parents are also not supportive of their daughter’s vegetarianism so it may be that the parents aren’t the supportive type.
I do worry about the friend, she’s not a person with a lot of friends, now she’s not going to be in a relationship soon and how will that be when she gets old. I’m not sure.
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