<p>"ummmm mr. smith? where's the apostrophe supposed to go in 'president'?"</p>
<p>Girl 1: Your strawberry looks like a GMO.
Girl 2: It's OMG!!!!</p>
<p>Chemistry:</p>
<p>Student: Seriously, sir, why do we need to know this? In what conceivable situation would knowing this information help us succeed in life?
Teacher: Because if the world is being held hostage by an alien and he says to you, "Tell me exactly how atomic radius relates to electronegativity or the world will be destroyed," you'll be able to tell him. And the world won't be destroyed. And things will be merry.</p>
<p>Teacher: During covalent bonding, electrons can theoretically be shared by any atom. They are constantly moving around the separate atoms and when they're bonding they cannot be said to belong to one atom exclusively.
Student: So, they're kinda like subatomic prostitutes?</p>
<p>Modern History:</p>
<p>Student: Wait, since when did France and England not like each other? Aren't they, like, controlled by the same people? Europe or something?</p>
<p>Student: So Russia has basically had the self-esteem of an anorexic emo for three centuries?</p>
<p>History:
Teacher: Your essay is, essentially...if a Martian came down from space and was walking down the street and asked you "What was the Cold War?", how would you explain it to him?
Student: Why would a Martian even care about the Cold War? How would they know?
Teacher: Okay, if Theodore Roosevelt came back to life...</p>
<p>Teacher: It's an essay: you have to bull***** a little.</p>
<p>(During test)
Student 1: I dislike you Mr. [name].
Teacher: It's better than hate, at least.
Student 2: (a really quiet, sweet girl) I hate you Mr. [name].
Teacher: Wow! I...I never saw that one coming.</p>
<p>Bio H-</p>
<p>Teacher: So if you look at the vertebral column, you see that you have seven cervical vertebrae.
Boy: Is that where you get cervical answer?
(all the girls laugh)
Other Boy: No... only girls get it
Boy: O_O oh...</p>
<p>Freshman Health-</p>
<p>Teacher: So how many if you guys like your meat rare?
Same Boy: How does Burger King cook their burgers?</p>
<p>Teacher: Now if you get pubic lice, they are very hard to get out.
Girl: What's a pubic?</p>
<p>The ironic thing is that the guy in the first two quotes is brilliant</p>
<p>in history:</p>
<p>why is Russia so communist?</p>
<p>In History
Teacher: Terms for your test.....(going down list) Jiang Jieshi, Moa Zedong...
Student: You're making these up!
Teacher: I can see you really need to study.</p>
<p>thats pretty funny. lol.</p>
<p>these own.</p>
<p>Hooray</a> for Quotes</p>
<p>
[quote]
Teacher: Your essay is, essentially...if a Martian came down from space and was walking down the street and asked you "What was the Cold War?", how would you explain it to him?
Student: Why would a Martian even care about the Cold War? How would they know?
Teacher: Okay, if Theodore Roosevelt came back to life...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>LOL. Your history teacher sounds like my chemistry.</p>
<p>Student: Wait, I'm confused. Why can't you know a particle's velocity and position at the same time?</p>
<p>Teacher: That's the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.</p>
<p>Student: So? Heisenberg can't tell me what to do!</p>
<p>freshman geography teacher:
"You know, doesn't it seem strange that the capital of Pakistan is Islamabad, I mean, Islam a bad - Islam is bad?"</p>
<p>Sad thing was that this was not a joke.</p>
<p>Health:
Teacher: You seem to know a lot about STDs.
Student: That's because you need to know these things. After all, knowledge is knowledge.
Teacher: Don't you mean "power"?
Student: That too.</p>
<p>Chemistry
Teacher: The juniors aren't here. There's nowhere to hide. (to student) Are you hiding in your shirt?
Student: (peaks head out of shirt) Yes.</p>
<p>History
Teacher: What can we do today? Ok, how about you guys make up history questions, and if I like them I'll answer.
Student: No, 'cause you'll say you don't like the ones you can't answer.
Teacher: I can't change the rules.
Student: I didn't know we decided on this!
Teacher: So who wants to give me a question?
Other Student: Where is India and why?
Teacher: On second thought, anyone have their Regents review book?</p>
<p>physics
girl:"how'd u get that answer"
me:"I dunno...I just felt it"</p>
<p>ahhh, too many from my APUSH class, which is "preparing" this week (all girls school-not being sexist or whatnot by saying girl)</p>
<p>Girl: Was John F. Kennedy shot or something..?
Everyone Else: <em>silence</em>
Girl: I'm serious!
Everyone Else: Uhh...
Girl: Wait, so what happened? how do people know this stuff?!</p>
<p>Different Girl: Wait, the Civil's War was in the 1800s? I thought it was the 1960's!</p>
<p>Stupid Girl: A tariff? What the hell? I've never heard of that!
(even worse, b/c it was after a 40 minute discussion of tariffs)</p>
<p>Math
Teacher: So, what is the angle that has this sine value?
Student: I don't know?
Teacher: (points to someone else) You?
Student 2: I don't know.
Teacher: (after 3 more students) Someone say 90.
Student: 90.
Teacher: Thankyou.</p>
<p>History
Teacher: Is that The Count of Monte Cristo you're reading?
Student: Yes...
Teacher: Oh yeah, everybody dies.
Student: Thanks...</p>
<p>Chemistry
(Student answers a question right)
Other Student: How'd you know that?!
Student: I paid attention.
Teacher: Seems to help, doesn't it? You should try it sometime.</p>
<p>Religion
Student 1: There was a mother whose two year old would bite her and bite her but she didn't know it was wrong, and the mom was like "should I bite her back?"....anyway, I don't think that's a sin because the little girl didn't know it was wrong.
Teacher: Ok...
Student 2: (sarcastically) You should tell that story at parties.</p>
<p>In study today:
Student: We have a test today?
Teacher: It's never good when you hear a student asking if there's a test 2 periods before the test.</p>
<p>Teacher: Arcsin is the inverse function of sin.
Class <em>blank stares</em>
Teacher: So if sin(x)=y, arcsin(y)=x.
Class <em>blank stares</em>
Teacher: (frustrated) It's like pressing 2nd sin on your calculator!
Class: Oh, now I get it.</p>
<p>^ that always happens in my class. my math teacher intelligently explains the meaning of it, but it ends up being a list of calculator functions</p>
<p>In the halls:
My friend and I are talking and our Religion teacher from last year is also in the hallway, which is otherwise empty.
Me: [name of other teacher] is really weird sometimes. Like how he calls me by my first and middle name.
Friend: I hate it when he says "have a good weekend" and it's on a Monday or something.
Me: I know.
Former Religion Teacher: Have a good weekend girls.
Us: Thanks...[laugh]</p>
<p>In Math
Teacher: Any questions?
Student: Yes. I don't have any idea what we're doing.
Teacher: Oh, no.</p>
<p>Spanish:
(teacher's wife texts him)
Student: What did she say?
Teacher: "Can I talk to you?"
Student: What did you say?
Teacher: "I'm busy teaching."
Student: (phone vibrates) What did she say?
Teacher: She said I'm rude....</p>
<p>Which reminds me of last year's religion class:
Teacher: (his wife has called) Guys, say "hi" to [wife's name].
Us: Hi, [name]!
(the next day)
Teacher: Guys, I'm not aloud to have you say "hi" to my wife without warning her first. She didn't like it.</p>
<p>AP Euro:</p>
<p>"So economics in prehistoric times was like - whack! - I'm taking your stuff. Then you had the Middle Ages and bartering. Then we became industrialized, and there was capitalism. Then Communism was supposed to be - epic whack! - we're redistributing your stuff."</p>
<p>Teacher: Who knows when the Crystal Palace was built?
Student: Ohhhh, pick me! Pick me!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Julie. Julie knows when it was built.</p>