Best Stupid Quotes from Class

Pre-College Issues High School Life
381

<p>lit class last week while discussing a tale of two cities.</p>

<p>" I think that Dicken's was comparing Sydney Carton to Jesus, because Jesus like, died or whatever..."</p>

<p>" Madame Defarge is like Hitler. They're both evil and look creepy in movies."</p>

<p>AP Euro:</p>

<p>Teacher: Can anyone tell me what Magellan did?
Girl: Magellan circumcised the world.
Teacher: You mean circumnavigated?</p>

<p>Teacher: Question 6. "Who developed the theory of relativity?" If you miss this, you don't deserve to live. Who is it?
All: Einstein
Girl: Isn't it Newton?</p>

<p>Trig:</p>

<p>Teacher: So, who knows what the square root of 36 times the cosine of 30 is?
Guy: Is it OPrah?</p>

382

<p>AP Chem:</p>

<p>Teacher's talking about extracting iron ore...
Student: Iron or what?!</p>

383

<p>Hmm, I can think of so many. I'll just say the first one that came to my mind:
Our uber-charming, dashing AP US History teacher had just left our school, and all the girls in the new AP US History class were moping and complaining, "Why did he have to leave?" The new AP teacher heard all this and she responded, "Yeah..he was a sexy little guy."</p>

384

<p>In Math:
Teacher: Solve this trig problem.
Student: Cosine...theta...cosine...theta....What the hell is this useful for anyway?!</p>

<p>Teacher: You know, I didn't have to learn this in school.
Student: So why are you making us learn it?
Teacher: I don't know.</p>

<p>Global:
Teacher: I say the question about Africa will be around #39 on your Regents-scratch that-number 38.
Student: I'll bet you're wrong.
Teacher: I wouldn't do that. One year I said it would be #33 and it was, and my students laughed during the exam.</p>

<p>Teacher: The AP Calculus exam was today, so I took all the kids in my class who aren't Math geniuses outside because I felt bad. I can identify with them...</p>

<p>Spanish:
(Student throws a pen across the room)
Teacher: That's what boys who don't get dates do.</p>

<p>(Student throws quarter)
Teacher: You know, I don't know why but lately I've seen people throwing quarters and I think to myself that it involves a certain amount of stupidity to throw monetary items at others. </p>

<p>Teacher: Now I can say "Maria es la mas fea del mundo." Maria is the ugliest in the world.
Student 1: That's so mean.
Student 2: Not to be mean, but I know a girl who can make top 10 on that list.</p>

385

<p>Someone wrote an entire essay on a child giving birth for a Regents test. She got a pity point.</p>

<p>Apparently, the task was to write about child labor.</p>

386

<p>^That's funny.</p>

<p>In the cafeteria:
Student: When we're seniors we're going to fail the AP Calculus exam. I heard last year there was a problem about a garden that no one could get, so they all drew flowers.</p>

<p>In Spanish:
Teacher: Stop it and shut up!
Student: Oh, you're frisky today!
Teacher: Shut up.</p>

387

<p>
[quote]
these own.</p>

<p>Hooray</a> for Quotes

[/quote]
</p>

<p>LOL I'M IN THAT??? HAHAHA</p>

388

<p>History teacher: And it was actually incredibily brutal - they wanted to sodomize people as a form of interrogation, but we wouldn't allow it.
VALEDICTORIAN OF OUR CLASS: What's sodomize?</p>

<p>She's a sweet girl, really.</p>

389

<p>During class discussions in AP English.</p>

<p>Student: So I really think that this book was like Back to the Future because --
Teacher: OKAY! Discussion is over for today.</p>

<p>Student: I'm really confused... Was Hamlet naked in this scene?</p>

<p>Student: So if Mr. ________ and Chuck Norris got into a fight, who would win? --We then proceeded to debate about it for 15 minutes.--</p>

<p>AP Government (FYI, I'm the resident liberal):</p>

<p>Teacher: So what do you think of the video so far? (We're watching "Obsession" about radical Islam)
Student: It's ridiculous. But Sam probably loves it, she does keep preaching "Death to America! Burn George Bush!" --I totally don't.--</p>

390

<p>Chemistry:
Teacher: (gives a test to a girl) I'll be nice and not say anything.</p>

<p>Teacher: (gives a test to a boy) Something to hang on your refrigerator.
Student: Yes! My first one!</p>

<p>Spanish:
Teacher: So this guy picked up the other guy with one hand and pushed him against a pole...where's the pole in here? (looks for a "pole" and points to an empty space in front of him) Okay, here's the pole and the guy was pushed up against it.</p>

<p>Teacher: When saying really in Spanish-guys, shut up-you have to-guys shut up-use the-
Student: Guys, shut up.</p>

<p>Student: I took so long because I was trying to avoid teachers.
Teacher: What, you think they're going to beat you up or something? You just dodge teachers in the hallway thinking they'll body slam you?
Student: No, but maybe you could.
Teacher: No, I couldn't. There are teachers here who could beat me to a pulp. I was once floored by the gym teacher. We were playing around, though.</p>

<p>Global:
Teacher: Here's a little movie I like to call "Cry Freedom".
Student: Only you call it that?
Teacher: Yep.
Student: What's it's real name?
Teacher: "Cry Freedom". </p>

<p>Math:
(with 15 minutes left)
Teacher: In thirty minutes you can hand in your tests and start other work if you have time.</p>

391

<p>"wait... aren't babies born with clothes on??"
"i HATE poor ugly people!"</p>

<p>both from the same, crazy girl.
she's hilarious but OMG sometimes it's just too mean!</p>

392

<p>In Bio, teacher is passing back tests, dumb kid gets the first one.</p>

<p>Kid: YES, 52!!!!!!!!!!
(all of us [including the teacher] stand up and start applauding)</p>

<p>x_X</p>

393

<p>Physics:</p>

<p>Teacher: A nuclear blast is so hot, if you were standing next to an atomic detonation, you would evaporate immediately.
Girl: Wait... so if you evaporate, then would it rain people?</p>

<p>Teacher: There's small amounts of mercury in these light bulbs. So you're actually inhaling trace amounts of mercury vapor when you're in this room.
Same Girl: Do we breathe in the light in the air?</p>

<p>Student: Do you have a wife?
Teacher: No.
Student: Well, do you have any kids?
Teacher: Not that I'm aware of...</p>

<p>Teacher: Don't count on FEMA to save you... They can't even find the state of Kentucky.</p>

<p>Studying for the APUSH exam:
Me: Okay, who knows what the Pendleton Act did?
Girl: It enacted civil service reform.
Me: Which president's assassination was it passed in reaction to?
[Silence]
Me: I'll give you a hint... he liked lasagna.
Girl: Taft?</p>

<p>APUSH teacher: You have a sticky note. Your sticky note is yellow.</p>

<p>Student: Is that that guy who invented sex? [referring to Alfred Kinsey]</p>

394

<p>Last year's Spanish class (I don't know why but I was thinking about it):
(Religion teacher (of last year) comes in and the room is really hot)
Religion teacher: Wow. Yo soy calor.
Spanish Teacher: (he and class laugh) Oh really?
Religion teacher: Isn't that how I would say I'm hot...because the room is hot.
Spanish teacher: No, that's "Tengo calor."
Religion teacher: Haha.....Alright, I'll leave now.
Spanish teacher: Kids, that's a great lesson in tener expressions.</p>

<p>Spanish teacher: Let me see your book.
Student: Okay. (gives him the text book)
Teacher: You stapled your book?!
Student: I figured the covering would stay on longer.
Teacher: Now you've ruined the book! Have fun paying the school back for that one!</p>

<p>Teacher: Okay, so this next set of notes is about (a priest in our school sneaks up behind him and chucks a paper ball at the back of his head before running down the hall laughing) Argh! (sees priest) Ugh, he is such a child.</p>

<p>Religion last year:
Priest: So tonight's your wedding, huh?
Teacher: Yep. It's going to be fun.
Priest: Yeah, we can do margaritas all night and get drunk-
Teacher: Yeah, but we can't get too detailed because the children are here.
Priest: Oh yeah! Well see you tonight with your margaritas.</p>

395

<p>Double post but...</p>

<p>Chemistry:
Teacher: Alright, so anything with a pH below 7 is acidic.
Student: Wait-what?
Teacher: Apparently some of you aren't going to do too well this chapter. I said anything with a pH value below 7 is acidic. Do you understand?
Student: Oh! I thought you said Hasidic!</p>

396

<p>{quote=StellaNova}
Teacher: Who knows when the Crystal Palace was built?
Student: Ohhhh, pick me! Pick me!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Julie. Julie knows when it was built.
{/quote} </p>

<p>Thanks StellaNova, for some reason, imagining that conversation cracked me up. :)</p>

397

<p>Here's a little list we have going at school:</p>

<p>"If you put a virus on my computer, I will hunt you down and make you wish you had never been born."
-Mr. McGlashan</p>

<p>"I'm a master debater"
-Mrs. Thurtle</p>

<p>"I'm hearing voices other than the ones in my head"
-Mr. Davis</p>

<p>"Mendel was kinda a kinky guy. He liked to fondle the gonads of pea plants."
-Ms. Ward</p>

<p>"...and his name was Ragged Dick.
Go ahead, giggle. I sure wouldn't name my character Ragged Dick."
-Mr. McGlashan</p>

<p>"School spirit reeks of fascism."
- Mr. Thurtle</p>

<p>"Yeah, so my wife painted my nails, and the boots are from the Haight, but i gotta tell you, lipstick's a pain in the ass."
-Mr. McGlashan on Halloween. (the picture's been posted :).)</p>

<p>"Were making fun of the marketing system, not magnasoles!
(hits foot on projector)
"owwww, see, now i need magnasoles..."
-Ms. Meyer.</p>

<p>"'The Emancipation Proclamation was made to free the slaves' . . . No s--t"
-Mr. McGlashan (about theses on an essay test)</p>

<p>"First, turn that off. Second, get a new ring tone."
-Mr. Serrao</p>

<p>"Yeah guys, PHYSICS! I'm pumped! Whoo!"
-Mr. Kleiner</p>

<p>"daughter + wife =life... well sorta"
"... it can save your bacon!"
- Mr.Doyle</p>

<p>"Remember DILDOST.... It has a t, so it's okay."
-Mrs. Johnson</p>

<p>Okay, today in history was enough to merit a bunch of quotes.
"I like this one, it has drama: 'Cotton, Slaves. War'"</p>

<p>"Every so often I'll be sitting up in my office grading papers at two in the morning and I'll find a paper like this and I'll go downstairs and say to my wife 'This one's a doozy'"
-Mr. McGlashan.
Part of what makes this so funny is that he had just cracked himself up so much that he could barely talk.</p>

<p>"Make sure that when you are standing at the podium, you are erect. Wait, no, please don't get that excited. Oh gosh, maybe I should just stop talking."
-Mrs. Thurtle</p>

<p>"Do you really know what your parents are doing right now?"
-Ms. Ward (we were going over genetics)</p>

<p>"Do you all know what gullible means? You won't find it in the dictionary."
-Mrs. Johnson</p>

<p>student: is that why they call it victoria's secret?</p>

<p>mcglashan: i'm pretty sure women of the victorian period didn't wear lacey underwear.</p>

<p>the day of the prostitution debate:
"this is the SEXY debate."
-ms. thurtle</p>

<p>"On the oral finals if you don't know where you're going to be in five years, just lie: 'Yo vivia en Africa con los animales.... libre'" (I will live in africa with the animals... free.)
-Sra. Elenz Martin</p>

<p>"Can you name some countries we dominate?"
Student:"Puerto Rico?"
"Well, no... we own Puerto Rico."
-Mr. McGlashan</p>

<p>"Every time you don't do another homework its a little chink off of your grade"
-Mrs. Thurtle. (Dustin finds that offensive.)</p>

<p>Student: So, do you consider yourself Uncle Tom?
Mr. Romero: No, I consider myself [with Spanish accent] "Uncle Tom</p>

398

<p>kinda funny thing happened the other day in philosophy:</p>

<p>Teacher: Let's talk about virtue and ethics in terms that we can relate to.
Classmate: Sure, cheating is a relevant example to us.
Teacher: <em>awkwardly</em> I guess... I mean, yeah, last year there was a certain scandal going on...I know it affected a few certain people in this room... a lot of people were hurt.... <em>goes on</em>
Class (everyone): Ummm. We meant cheating as in cheating on a test.
<em>Awkward silence</em>
<em>laughter</em>
<em>teacher embarrassingly shakes it off</em>
<em>more laughter</em></p>

399

<p>"which side of the lake is higher?"</p>

<p>"How close to the horizon do you have to be to see it?"</p>

400

<p>I'm pretty sure you all have heard this one in some way or anyother.
Calc Class</p>

<p>"Miss, is this cosine x squared, or cosine x... squared?" <em>puzzled look</em></p>