<p>Post your favorite quotes from teachers or students in the middle of class..I got some good ones, but I'll post later.</p>
<p>hellen never went out without trojan protection. and neither should you.</p>
<p>he sh**. (he, she, it)</p>
<p>just keep your damn clothes on.</p>
<p>"women are dangerous their vaginas are like bear traps."</p>
<p>"he had his last child when he was nearing 80"</p>
<p>"musta've had some little blue pills"</p>
<p>person a: "yo your mom is mad hot. i wish i could **** her every night. tell her i said thanks for last night"</p>
<p>person b: "oh yea. u know your mother.....well, i took your mother out last night to a nice lobster dinner and i'm never going to call her again."</p>
<p>this wasn't something said, but last week the most awful thing happened in calc.</p>
<p>there are only about 11 of us in the class, and about half are guys and half are girls, and while we were doing test corrections, not one of the guys could stop laughing and whispering. One of them even laughed soo hard his face turned bright red and he fell OUT of his chair onto the floor. Since they were all gathered around me copying my test, I was wondering just a little if there was something about me that made them laugh. I happened to ask the teacher a question about simplifying an answer, and you know how when you go to look up at a person, your eyes sort of travel upward, too? Well, I figured out exactly why they were laughing. My male calc teacher's pants were completely unzipped!! I am ashamed to say that I completely lost it, but I hid my face and I laugh silently, so I'm not completely sure he knew what I was doing. He figured it out with about two minutes to go in the class period and ran into the hall.</p>
<p>This is the same teacher who keeps bottles of listerine in his cabinets and practically chugs the stuff, and he only spits it out about half the time....if I'm not mistaken, listerine is around 40 proof, too :D</p>
<p>Carpe diem
Carpe *risk*em
Carpe *sparkle*m</p>
<p>Haha my AP Lit's teacher advice for our senior year</p>
<p>Student - "Why do zebras have stripes?"
Science Teacher at a public school - "Because God made them that way."</p>
<p>"If someone says you look like you weigh 90lbs that a complement, if they say you look like you weight 180lbs its not a complement."</p>
<p>Anyone see the math in this?</p>
<p>Before a Chemistry test:
Student A: "What's with the jacket?"
Student B: "I wear it so I can intimidate the test before I kick its ass!"</p>
<p>A girl in my AP English Class...was referring to star of Joseph, but was convinced it was triangle of john. Another question...
"Where are the roman numeral keys on the computer?"</p>
<p>Pre-Calc teacher:
"Sarcasm is the spice of my life - just let it be."
"My daughter is satan." Two months later we wouldn't shut up, so he started writing stuff on the board, and we all exclamed that something wasn't fair and that he was as evil as satan, thus he wrote out. "Where do you think my daughter learned it from?"</p>
<p>Sociology teacher:
"Well, you could ask my children's pediatrician, but he died a few years ago, so you might have some difficulty with that."</p>
<p>Those are pretty weak...my teachers this year are hilarious, though, I just can't remember all the quotes...</p>
<p>me and my friends before a test:</p>
<p>"does anyone have any lube? cuz i'm about to rape this sh i t anal-style"</p>
<p>My physics teacher:</p>
<p>"You guys are retarded. You're all going to fail this midterm. But seriously, if you just understand the material and study over the weekend, you'll do fine. It is so easy."</p>
<p>ohhhhhh I really don't like that I get that :( but it is funny</p>
<p>we get bored in calc and pervert it...second derivative tells you whether the curve is concave up or down...the concave ups references are the greatest, especially bc of the recent discovery one of my guy friends made in class: "She has boobs!!"</p>
<p>My keyboarding teacher/class is the best. She is extremely old/senile and pretty fat too.</p>
<p>All we do in class is sit around and copy like tables, reports, and letters and crap from the book. Every single period she picks one of those to discuss again. She was discussing letters. She was like, I don't know why some of you don't get this. Yesterday I got a letter with a 1' top margin. It's to be 2 inches.
A kid screams out "holy ****, 1 inch?!?"</p>
<p>She also likes to send kids to the office to get drug tested because they get out of their seats and mess around. Whenever she accidentally mispronounces a word, the class screams "Drug test!" and she moves our seats.</p>
<p>Kids print out documents that say "this class sucks" or "your a ***** Mrs. Bowers". Recently we found the yearbook pictures in the shared folders and print pictures of her with comments. We also print pictures of other students. One kid printed a pic of this fat kid and wrote on it "Mrs. Bowers, I enjoyed your class. Thank you for the christmas turkey you fat ****" and she saw him taping it up to her back wall and her only complaint was..."David, you know how much ink it takes to print something like this?"</p>
<p>We're the only class in her 24 year career that she doesn't allow to go to the bathroom because kids hide the pass on her. We're also the only class that she blocks the internet for and goes through our drives looking for porn and bad pictures because she has seen kids print that stuff.</p>
<p>It's some stuff I've never experienced in an honors class and I'm gonna miss it.</p>
<p>In my study hall last year, we had kids duct-taping themselves to walls, stapling themselves to tables, playing the "choking game," etc, so a sub left a note - "I'm going to go tell my two teenage sons about theses idiots."</p>
<p>World History teacher is by far the most hillarious, mainly because most of what we cover isn't on state-mandated tests and he's got kind of an obsession with 40s pinup girls and bad horror movies. Random examples from our printed notes: "Tiberius was the drag queen of Rome. Egagabalus was the empress of Rome, b<em>tch *snap snap</em>." Though I suppose that's funnier if you actually know what I'm talking about. What else...we watched Apollo 13 instead of reading about explorers and Plan 9 From Outer Space instead of reviewing for the semester exam. </p>
<p>And a kid took a bite out of the sub's Sudoku puzzle in Stat the other day, haha.</p>
<p>My precalc teacher (while shooting a mini nerf gun pen at a student)
"And in my sparetime, grandparents, I hit misbaving students with nerf darts"</p>
<p>AP Physics double (last friday):
"Ok so we're going to watch a smidgen of titanic to see how big iceberg's are. <em>watches titanic hit iceberg</em> Ok that's it"
Other student: "No ! I'm emotionally invested now!"
Teacher: "Ok we'll watch until the end of the first period."
<em>at the end of first</em>
Teacher: "ok we're done"
The Class: "No! Just let her jump back onto the boat"
Teacher: "ok five more minutes"
And 2 hours after we started... we finished titanic.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, instead of learning about the 1920s in Honors US 1, we simply watched Some Like it Hot because she felt that gave us a good sense of the period.</p>
<p>A friend of mine in the middle of a physics lecture:
"Oh, I just remembered: Power Rangers started in 1993."</p>
<p>My AP Gov teacher was on the topic of legalization of marijuana. One kid in our class is in strong favor of its legalization. During the discussion, my teacher says to him "So, you're into pot, right?"</p>
<p>In math class, we have "curved" tests where the student who gets the highest grade gets 100% and everyone else's tests are evaluated off of his. On time, it was a Jewish student who I will call Bob. My friend calmly asks me "So who set the curve this time?". I tell him Bob did. His response: "****ing Jew always does everything right!"</p>
<p>One of my favorites, from my stats teacher (who looks and talks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) last year. He used to like to pull out his book of "Wacky Wit" which included an assortment of lame "motivational" quotes. One day while reading out of it to us, a kid says "You know what belongs in there? Git r done" (in reference to Larry the Cable Guy). My teacher's response: "That's a good attitude to have. Get it done. That's a good one."</p>
<p>my friend told me that in her math class, the teacher (who is also my teacher) started writing a problem on the board... "Do Now: There were 12 slices of people-" and then the class started laughing like crazy and when the teacher realized she practically fell on the floor</p>