<p>My precalculus teacher said this to me one day: "You could not handle AP Stats."</p>
<p>AP Spanish Literature: "Carpe Diem comes from Greek"</p>
<p>She is actually a brilliant woman. I guess she was just having a blonde moment.</p>
<p>Omgoodness. My teachers at school said/did the most ridiculous things.</p>
<p>My bio teacher says this every year.
"Even plants have sexual reproduction, it's not something you'd download on your computer"</p>
<p>My math teacher had all these little sayings he would say.
"Sugar and Spice! That aint nice!"
"I don't give a flying fandango!"
"If one goes cachinka chinka the other goes cachunka chunka..."</p>
<p>And his way to remember the quotient rule for derivatives.
"ho di hi minus hi di ho all over ho ho"</p>
<p>My calculus teacher did that also, but she used 'lo' instead of 'ho.'</p>
<p>"Paganism doesn't exist anymore." :rolleyes:</p>
<p>"If you don't learn your sig figs, you're never going to get into college, you'll never get a job, you'll live in a box and have no health insurance." My chem teacher was kind of a whack job.</p>
<p>AP Spanish teacher: "Gurl, you on crack?"</p>
<p>No, I just like your pop quizzes.</p>
<p>"if you cheat, you'll get run over by a truck"</p>
<p>"no matter how hard i try, i cannot get this chair to reproduce!"
(statement during biotic and abiotic discussion.)</p>
<p>"i come into your house and CHOP CHOP CHOP you all dead. then i have my babies in your house and then i die"</p>
<p>i remember freshman year we were reading Romeo and Juliet, and our teacher misread "****" instead of "clock" >_<</p>
<p>On the first day of school, my Physics teacher was talking about optical illusions. He told us about one with little pictures of men surrounded by circles that made one of the figures appear larger than the other. At the end, he told us: "If you want to see it, just do a Google image search for 'which man is larger?' [pause] ... On second thought, don't."</p>
<p>And my Calc teacher is amazing; there's a whole facebook group of quotations by him. Some of my favorites:</p>
<p>"You couldn't get to calculus when I was in school unless you were a super genius, or if you were motivated, which I wasn't."</p>
<p>Student: "Do you walk barefoot through the snow?"
Teacher: "Yeah, hand in hand with my sweetie. And we recite poetry... What light through yonder window breaks? It is the sunlight! Where are my sunglasses?"</p>
<p>"Everyone wants to lie tangent to my curves. So get in line."</p>
<p>"The parents in my neighborhood have their kids play their instruments outside because their parents don't want to hear it. It's funny seeing a kid play a violin under the tree."</p>
<p>"Some girls be trickin' you by wearin' makeup when they're really just ugly."</p>
<p>"I'm supposed to inspire you, as opposed to insult you. I'm supposed to say 'good try' as opposed to 'what a dumbass.'"</p>
<p>"I'll give you your test after lunch. I don't want you to have indigestion."</p>
<p>Teacher: "When do report cards come out?"
Student: "Next Friday, maybe?"
Teacher: "That's Groundhog Day, but for you it will be a day of beating."</p>
<p>Student: "So, is the whole assignment due tomorrow?"
Teacher: "Does a bear s**t in the woods?"</p>
<p>APUSH Teacher (talking to someone from Kansas): If you stand on my shoulders, we'd be the tallest building in Kansas!</p>
<p>Stats Teacher: You, what's 3 times 0?
Me: ...zero...
Stats Teacher: That's why math team is first in state!</p>
<p>Band Director: You have to play it more "disturbed", even though it already has a bassoon solo.</p>
<p>"Zombies are real.. they came from Harvard." My teacher actually graduated from Harvard too haha</p>
<p>"That was a pretty big fah poo on their part..." (instead of faux pas)</p>
<p>"Think of it as a woman's toga...long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting."~My APUSH teacher, about DBQs</p>
<p>I wouldn't be surprised if other people had heard that one, though. I think he got it from a professor in college.</p>
<p>As a sophomore:</p>
<p>Trig teacher to the sleeping seniors: "You need to pull up your bootstraps and toughen up a bit."</p>
<p>and</p>
<p>about asymptotes: "<em>grins</em> no, its not something you carry your butts around in..." hehehe</p>
<p>So one of my teachers gave these little mini-tests called "quizzies". And they were notoriously hard. So one day this girl decides to confront him. Following conversation ensues:</p>
<p>Girl: "Mr. __________, your quizzies are way too hard!"
Teacher: "If you think my quizzies are hard, wait until you get a hold of my testies!"</p>
<p>We never got back to what we were talking about. XD</p>
<p>"vertical asymptotes are...well...YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS"</p>
<p>from my male APUSH teacher, talking about a woman (in a movie) wearing a very ugly dress: "Oprah would say that she is not maximizing her cuteness factor!!"</p>
<p>Latin teacher on many occasions: "In four of the five conjugations..." (there are only four conjugations in Latin)</p>
<p>English teacher in response to how long a certain essay should be: "Like a mini-skirt, long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep it interesting".</p>
<p>Not to be racist, but my VERY conservative AP World teacher could talk like a black woman. And he's white! He would be like, "Guuurrrlll, oh no you didn't!" and say all these other slang phrases. It was funny, yet disturbing at the same time.</p>