<p>Spanish with a substitute:
Teacher: You got PONED!</p>
<p>Spanish today:
Teacher: Okay, conjugate "poner" in the preterit (past) tense.
Student: Ponge?
Teacher: No-that's wrong.
Student 2: Puse, puse....puse!
Student: So how do you conjugate it?
Teacher: Puse is right! Pusiste, puso, pusimos, pusieron.
Student: Oh, I thought he was saying "puse" to be rude.</p>
<p>Global:
Teacher: We're going to learn about a region I like to call the Middle East.</p>
<p>Teacher: What term am I thinking about?
Student 1: Um...I got it...um...
Student 2: Self determination.
Teacher: Thank you.
Student 2: I got it: self determination!
Teacher: ....Why that's actually right! 10 seconds late...</p>
<p>At school, randomly:
Student: Mr. (name) your shoes and socks match today!
Teacher: I know-my wife sometimes likes to dress me. She says "I want you to go out looking like you're mine". Hence-the matching shoes and socks.</p>
<p><em>in the middle of discussion about mercury</em>
girl- wait.. i've always wondered this: is mercury the planet really covered in mercury?? wouldn't it like radiate off or something and harm us? because mercury's bad right? how did people go onto that planet and not die?
teacher- hahahahahahahahaha! wow that was good. now, who still needs me to expand on mercury
girl- ... wait. why are you not answering me.
<em>class got silent and stared at her</em>
girl- WHAT?!</p>
<p>yeah, kay 11th grade AP chem class. ridiculous T_T</p>
<p>1: So how do you feel about Bhutto's death?
2: I don't know... what did he do?
1: ...
2: ...she. </p>
<p>1: How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't reach high enough."
2: Wait... can they REALLY not reach high enough?</p>
<p>English Teacher: Everyone should see the play "Rebel without a Clause." ...I mean "cause."</p>
<p>In Spanish:
*A background: it was common knowledge that a teacher had, yesterday, walked into a room where two people from our grade where doing something that could be considered a sexual act.
Student: What would you have done?
Teacher: God, I don't know-I would have to have been there. I probably would've just turned away-
Student: What? You would have just walked out and closed the door and kept knocking on it saying "Are you done yet?" until they were done.</p>
<p>Teacher: I swear to God after talking about this I'll be fired tomorrow.</p>
<p>Student: Wow! It must have been so horrible for Mr. (name of teacher who saw sexual act) to have walked in on that. I just realized that!</p>
<p>Talent show:
Teacher: (imitating dean of discipline) You may buckle your belt using the first hole. You may buckle it using the second hole. You may even buckle it using the third hole. Or perhaps you've made a fourth hole because you gained weight during junior year.</p>
<p>Teacher: (same situation) When your parents come to school you know who will be waiting for them? Not me! I don't buzz people in. But when they do come to my office they will enter through the door, because they are not hoodlums who enter through the windows!</p>
<p>Teacher: (same situation) I will press the receiver to my ear so that I may hear your parents and they may hear me, and I will dial the number, maybe once-maybe twice. The phone might ring once. It might ring twice. It may even ring three times!</p>
<p>The whole two 15 minute (each) speeches were hilarious, but these were....wow. I mean, who says that? Apparently, someone imitating our dean of discipline.</p>
<p>Mr. Moore: "There's lots of fun things you can't do"
Ivan: "Like what? Name one."
Mr. Moore: "Like..... jousting in automobiles. Lots of fun, but illegal."
Ivan: Okay, Name another one"
Mr. Moore: "Like... Picking up a dog by it's hind legs and pushing it around like a vacuum cleaner."
Ivan: "Mr. Moore, what do you do on the weekends?"</p>
<p>high-fiving each other
"Josh, Up-top! Okay, now get me from behind" - Frisby</p>
<p>It was my freshmen year in health class and this person came in and talked about sex for a couple of weeks. We had to fill out this survey that asked if we'd ever engaged in certain types of sexual intercourse (oral etc) and this girl asked</p>
<p>"Do I have to put my name on this?"</p>
<p>Me: (Drawing Star of David) Becky what's this?
Becky: It's the Christian Star!!</p>
<p>This guy was trying to get his eraser back from someone else who had taken it for some reason, and the struggle became very loud. Unfortunately, this was in the middle of a lecture. </p>
<p>Teacher: <em>stops talking and stares meaningfully at guy who owned eraser</em>
Guy who owned eraser: <em>holding eraser up triumphantly</em> Eraser!
Teacher: <em>holds up piece of shirt</em> Shirt! Now will you be quiet?</p>
<p>In English:</p>
<p>Teacher: If there were more time before the AP test to learn this, I would give it to you. Unfortunately, I do not have control of time yet..."</p>
<p>Student: I was trying to write the essay, but my mind just kept wandering off to other things. Like birdies.</p>
<p>APES: (sorry if I already posted this one, but it's hilarious)</p>
<p>Teacher: So, if there's someone you want to see naked, just throw methylene blue on them!
Students: <em>glance around awkwardly</em></p>
<p>This guy was trying to get his eraser back from someone else who had taken it for some reason, and the struggle became very loud. Unfortunately, this was in the middle of a lecture.</p>
<p>Teacher: <em>stops talking and stares meaningfully at guy who owned eraser</em>
Guy who owned eraser: <em>holding eraser up triumphantly</em> Eraser!
Teacher: <em>holds up piece of shirt</em> Shirt! Now will you be quiet?
<p>Teacher: If you've written on the paper, throw it in that bag. (Points at paper grocery bag)
Someone: What's that bag for?
Teacher: It's my recycling bin.
Girl: (Bursts into laughter, everyone stares)
Someone: What's so funny?
Girl: He said it's his recycling BIN, except it's a bag!
Everyone laughs because she is the only one that finds humor in calling a bag a recycling bin.</p>
<p><eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey butt
<eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^</eticam></eticam></eticam></eticam></eticam></p>
<p>This thread has just reached its Climax (no pun intended)</p>