Best Stupid Quotes from Class

Pre-College Issues High School Life
421

<p>This actually happened in the weight room after school.</p>

<p>Teacher: What was Lincoln's main motivation in the civil war?
Student (confindently): To send all the slaves back to Africa.</p>

422

<p>"i can totally see you living in medeival times! like, with a pitchfork, chasing a bunny, screaming, 'Come here, little bunny, I'M HUNGRY!!!'" --- my freshman global teacher.</p>

423

<p>LOL today in honors history</p>

<p>our valedictorian (she's so stupid): What's irony?
caleb: it's like...if a Bengals fan got mauled by a tiger.</p>

424

<p>Teacher: Who was Machu Picchu?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Who do you THINK he was?
Student: I really don't know.
Teacher: Just guess!
Student: A pokemon?</p>

425

<p>I don't know who to pity more... I would guess the teacher...</p>

426

<p>From EHAP:</p>

<p>Kid 1: "Yeah, my uncle's British"
Kid 2: "So does he, like, speak British?"
Class: "..."</p>

<p>Other Kid: "I don't high-five. Too gay. But there's nothing wrong with a heterosexual man swat."</p>

427

<p>Global:
From a Regents essay that got a zero: "In conclusion, communism and mercantilism are the same economically-they both deal with people."</p>

<p>(Students are talking about random stuff)
Student: Now now, let's get back to global.
Teacher: No, no...we'll get to global later...eventually...</p>

<p>Chemistry:
Teacher: So the stuff that comes out of a fire extinguisher is carbon dioxide. It puts out the fire, but how? (points to student) What does it really do?
Student: It puts out the fire.
Teacher: <em>sigh</em></p>

428

<p>"Mao Zedong was, like, the Babe Ruth of killing people. And he was a librarian once. BEWARE LIBRARIANS!"</p>

429

<p>One time this girl said in history: "So... wait... What does UN [as in "The UN"] stand for again? What country is it?"</p>

<p>Another time she asked why there was an 'e' in 'caste'.</p>

430

<p>Girl in my Spanish class, several years ago:
"You're going to New England? Are you going to meet the Queen?"</p>

431

<p>Female student: Is semen sweet or sour?</p>

<p>Teacher: Uh.. ahem...... well then.... if no one has anymore questions we will move on.......</p>

432

<p>Teacher: (reading out loud)
"Macbeth shall never vanquished be until
Great Birnam Wood to high Dunsinane Hill
Shall come against him."
Student: I know! Macbeth will be killed by Ents!</p>

433

<p>Health, on our final:
"What is the shape of semen?"</p>

<p>Global Honors yesterday:
Teacher: I can't let you out; the President (of the school) would have a heart attack!
Student: I think you're exaggerating-he's not that old.
Teacher: No, it's an expression-what I meant is that he'd be really stressed out.
Student: But that still wouldn't give him a heart attack.
Teacher: Never mind.
(today)
Teacher: I can't let you guys run around the school out of uniform! It would be the same as giving the President a heart attack!
Student: I seriously think that he wouldn't have a heart attack.
Student 2: You still don't get it?!</p>

<p>Religion today and yesterday:
Teacher: You hear dog groomers talking about their b*tches all the time!</p>

<p>Teacher: Student, why must you constantly prove that you are a horses' ass?</p>

<p>Spanish:
Teacher: <em>reading text message from wife</em> "You haven't told me you loved me yet." What, am I supposed to say that while text messaging her?</p>

<p>Teacher: (a student throws a paper across the room) You jackass! </p>

<p>Yes, school was quite interesting in the last days of classes.</p>

434

<p>Teacher: And nature is all having sex!</p>

<p>Oh poetry class...</p>

435

<p>Girl reading poem in English (Honors, mind you): What does anti-kyoo mean?
Everyone else: Do you mean antique?</p>

436

<p>Trig teacher: you need to pull up your bootstraps and toughen up a bit.</p>

<p>also</p>

<p>talking about asymptotes: No, its not something you carry your butts around in..</p>

437

<p>Chinese class (during a brief visit)</p>

<p>Student: Teacher, teacher! How do you spell "Fu?"</p>

<p>Teacher: F U, Student! (...oops! sorry!)</p>

438

<p>Physics teacher: There's only one place in the world where mass is not conserved.</p>

<p><em>waits a couple of seconds while all of us are all :O and waiting to hear something shocking and interesting</em></p>

<p>teacher: ... the laundry machine! Everytime after I do laundry, there's always a sock missing. Hahaha, I bet you guys thought I discovered something big, huh?</p>

<p>class: -_________-</p>

439

<p>I love this thread! I've been keeping track of funny quotes in classes for years. </p>

<p>These are from my Freshman Global Studies teacher:
• “Jesus preached…to people…about…stuff.”
• “There are answers to this but I don’t think it’s a thing you want to know…”
•“Toilet paper in Eastern Europe is like using Kodak film…it’s not very comfortable at all.”
• “Mushroom clouds really are pretty…nuclear bomb clouds are pretty.”
•“England is NOT in Europe!”
• “Why don’t you look up Europe; E-U-R-O-P-E.”
•“There were a lot of civilizations. There were a lot of civilizations that did a lot of things.”
• “Come on you communist, what’s the matter with you?” (talking to slide projector)
•“What do I need, a bong to make you guys quiet? …I can’t believe I said that…a bong…a bong would be nice…A GONG not a bong!”
•“You can’t talk about Islam without talking about religion!”
•“And so, our conclusion is: doo-doo happens.”
•“Would you rather have $1 or $1000? ‘Cause if it doesn’t make a difference to you, you keep a dollar and I’ll take the other 999 and we’ll both be happy.”
• “Religion is bad.”
•“Aristotle was the man.”
•“That was when the fertilizer hit the fan.”
•“I’m Venus.”
• “If I was really late sometimes I wouldn’t be able to mix the Tang, so I’d just take a handful.”
•“Any questions? What am I saying, OF COURSE NOT!”
•“Aristotle was a guy.”
•“They crap up…”
•“They chopped his body up and put the chunks in a can and launched the can in the direction of Poland…it was a wonderful thing.”
•“…but this was a GOOD war!”
•“Thank God for me.”
•“They said ‘you guys are gonna get killed to death!”
•“Mobilization…it’s kinda like a wedding.”
•“He could tick off the Pope…ooh, bad example.” (2 days after the pope died)
•“Alright, who took my chalk…oh here it is…darn communists…”
• “He’s a big strapping lad; he’s a big, strong, good-looking communist.”
• “It was like giving them a right to oppress…ooh, I like that one, I just came up with that…”
• “Their hysterical importance…he just kicked the bucket.”
•“Well, I’m off to the reproduction room…”
•“Hey, guys, there’s a point! But there’s no logic to it.”
•“That’s one of my favorite names! I was going to name my son Jal-al ud-Din al-Afghani.”
•Same teacher (male): “I do like things that are visually attractive.”
Student (also male): “So do I.”</p>

<p>Then we had some awesome quotes from my AP Chemistry teacher:
•“The one thing that you need to know is that this isn’t really true.”
•“Electronegativity isn’t real.”
• “It is important to know that PV=nRT doesn’t really work – now that we have spent all this time doing it.”
•“I mean who cares? Do you care? I don’t care.”
•“You have to know how to do everything.”
•“Whatever. You get an answer here.”
• “I have all sorts of alcohol back there.”
•“I’m actually supposed to kill you!”
•“Ok, question number b…” </p>

<p>Spanish class (our teacher was pregnant)
Student: Como es tu bebe?
Teacher: Bien. Pues, no me habla.</p>

<p><em>English teacher asks student to read something out loud</em>
Student: Can I read it in sing-song form?
Teacher: No, that would be creepy.</p>

<p>Same English teacher:
•“Where were we going with this?”
• “And I’m like, oh, I’m a nerd.”
•“We’re going to do a lot of pages in a lot of days.” </p>

<p>Student talking about the Great Gatsby: “One of his funerals might be like one of his parties.” </p>

<p>Student: “You shouldn’t sneeze with your head too close to anything.”</p>

<p>Teacher: “It looks simple. However, you will screw up." </p>

<p>Teacher: “You’re sure you’re sure if you’re sure.” </p>

<p>Teacher: “You are you. Not me.” </p>

<p>Precalculus teacher (not on purpose): “It’s precalculator.”<br>
Same teacher: “We were yelling at my father when he was about to die…” </p>

<p>Choir teacher:
• “I do not imitate young men.”
• “Men – make space so the women can get in you.”
• “Sopranos on the right. Altos on the men.” </p>

<p>Oh good times...</p>

440

<p>Yep, I have more.</p>

<p>These are from my AP Economics teacher who admitted to us on the first day of school that his only economics training had been earlier that year in a summer course. I don't think he was stupid but some of the things he said made us wonder...</p>

<p>•“They were real jokey”
• “Yes, if it’s the big talk of the office or the big talk to the work” 10/16/06
•“I don’t want to be in this room during the AP test and hear one giant ‘ugh’ all the way across the friggin’ school.”
•“I have ears like a hawk.”
•“Indian mangos are in the same category as drugs.”
• “Paris didn’t have very good food.”
•“For the AP quiz…”
•“When analysizing…”
•“Buying soles.”
•“You guys are better than 5th hour. That’s why I like you more.” 11/15/06
•“The way they looked at my dog – that was enough for me.” Mr. Derickson referring to his relationship with his in-laws
• “Every smir…”
• “Physically impossible to produce another piece once they’re dead.”
•“If you missed 6 you should be shot.”
• “Higher incomes make people richer.”
• “This one is englishly challenged.” (totally serious too)
• “Thoroughly ****ed off Mr. Derickson was showing at the high school this weekend.”
•“Because our stocks falled…” </p>

<p>This one, he was trying to make up an example of an advertising slogan off the top of his head....
•“We like coffee, we like coffee, don’t spill it. What? It’s catchy!”
Then later talking about the woman who sued McDonalds when she spilled her hot coffee.
• “We like coffee, we like coffee, don’t sue. That’s the second one.” </p>

<p><em>Same teacher sneezes</em>
Student 1: That was, like, spontaneous sneezing!
Student 2: That’s usually what happens.
Teacher: Sorry. Next time I’ll warn you.</p>

<p>Student: Could you make a business out of it?
Same Econ teacher: Well yeah, it is kind’ve like a business-out-of-it.
Class: ...?</p>

<p>Same Econ teacher: ...it was a short bus. I put it in the driveway.
Student: Why didn’t you put it in the garage?
Teacher: It wouldn’t fit. It was a BUS. </p>

<p>The rest are from my AP Physics C class. These are from our awesome physics teacher:</p>

<p>•“2measurererers” written on the board
•“You are not ready for that. In time my children…”
•“We timed the distance it fell.”
•“Idiot! I mean…”
•“Sweet ass bathroom scales – that’s what it says on the box.”
•“Wait, instaneous?!”
• “Have a sense of humor” (As he handed back a really hard test)
•“It’s hard to click on it because the pointer gives you the finger.”
• “Maybe I’m weird”
•“Wait ‘till college. You will not have a life.”
•“This one – at least you know how much the earth likes this thing.”
•“Don’t leave me!”
•“I should have made this a class project. How to beg for money.”
•“I feel very naked today.”
• “Was he over the line there? Oh don’t give him a 50. I could do that.” Mr. Matt referring to Michael Jordan dunking from the free throw line
• “Angular momentum is conserved. I don’t know why he does it in his underwear.” (while we watched an odd video about angular momentum in space...)
•“They come in at 25 times the speed of light.”
• “I should have sabotaged the thing somehow. Take the battery out of the receiver or something.” (when another class was using our test review system)
• “I’m gonna die here.”
•“It’s like pouring gasoline all over yourself. And it’s flammable.”
•“He lost his nose in a duel, a swordfight… over a mathematical problem.”
•“It doesn’t get any easier than that. It does get harder than that however…”
•“Assuming this is the only thing in the universe…”
• (talking about what AP Physics B studies that we didn't) “I didn’t print out waves…optics…magic, they study magic.”
•“You are 99% nothing. Your spirit and soul actually—no I’m just kidding.”
•“A Van de Graaff generator, named after Mr. Generator…”
•“I’m going to place a lightning rod on my face. Why are you laughing? I’m actually really smart.”
•“You won’t be sitting in your chair for two periods. Well, at least not that chair.”
•“No way! It was attracted to the other SUPERMAGNET?”
•“We will be walking in circles.”
• “There’s the B.S. method.”
•“It’s a waste of memory to store that in your brain.”
• “Like an idiot I…uh…hit another car.” </p>

<p>Physics teacher: Why can’t we just teach our kids ‘how much do you mass?’
Student: Do you teach your kids?
Teacher: I’ve mentioned the word mass...</p>

<p>Student: Yeah, but if we’re good at physics then we’re not good at communicating.
Physics teacher: That's not true.
Student: Yeah, ‘cause I’m not good at physics.</p>