<p>OK this next one is my own story.</p>
<p>So my teacher tells me to turn to page 404, and being the smartass I am, I yell out "I can't find it". Then hes like "Its on page 404!" then I scream out "SIR I CANT FIND IT!!!".</p>
<p>Half the class didn't get it....</p>
<p>9th grade 'I still can't believe Jesus was a jew'. the guy was an idiot</p>
<p>"So if the ship is named USS United States, isn't it... the USS US?"</p>
<p>-me</p>
<p>(in my defense, USS does mean US ship)</p>
<p>At the begnning of this year in HONORS Spanish 3, we were doing an oral activity, and a girl went up in front of the room to do her presentation.</p>
<p>Ditzy Girl: Tu sabes que nuestra maestra es gorda, pero No! Ella es PREGUNTA! (Translate: You may think our teacher is fat, but No! She's question! [she was trying to say 'pregnant'])</p>
<p>Teacher: Estoy Pregunta?!? No comprendo!!</p>
<p>Girl: Uh, you are pregnant, aren't you?</p>
<p>--Class went Silent-</p>
<p>Teacher: No, no estoy embarazada. (pregnant) Por que tu sabes que estoy embarazada? (Why do you think I'm pregnant?) [awkward]</p>
<p>The girl understood the question, and her eyes got really wide and a look of panic took over her face. She just stood there. The class started going crazy laughing.</p>
<p>Girl sat down. Pretty sure she ended up getting a D or F in the class.</p>
<p>Teacher: Where did you guys go for the summer?</p>
<p>Girl1: I went to Turkey..
Girl2: ....So..where did you go?
Girl1: ...Turkey...?
Girl2: WHERE did you go?? Like what PLACE?
Girl1: I SAID TURKEY!
Girl2: Oh.my.god. Do you not understand what I'm asking? I said WHERE.</p>
<p>"It looks like you have 2 ears!"</p>
<p>"whats the only thing that can destroy a diamond?"
"glass?"</p>
<p>"Wait... when did England break off and become an island?"</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Also this wonderful exchange in August:</p>
<p>Student 1: "So you heard that Russia invaded Georgia, right?"
Student 2: "OMG. Wait. How can they just invade one state?"
Student 1: "No no. Georgia, like, the country Georgia."
Student 2: "Oh."
<em>pause</em>
Student 2: "Haha, that's funny, me thinking they could invade just one state."
Student 1: "I know right? especially when Georgia's a landlocked state, it'd be impossible."</p>
<p><em>crickets</em></p>
<p>OMG hahah someone said that as well when I was in 9th grade! :p</p>
<p>Teacher: "What's the first thing you think of when you hear Rome?"
Student raises hand and says "The Trojan War!!"</p>
<p>(teacher is talking about the Silk Road and saying it was a highway for all the merchants and blah blah)
Girl: ...wait....they had CARS? </p>
<p>Girl: what's an adverb?</p>
<p>...yes, seriously.</p>
<p>Former Arabic & French AP teacher from Tunisia:</p>
<p>Dr. X: It's going to be on every headline! USA Today, USA Tomorrow, MTV News!
Class:...<em>silence</em>...<em>laughter</em></p>
<p><em>Giving her French Language class the same poetry assignment as French Lit class</em>
Dr. X: It's ok, I kill 3,072 birds with half a stone!</p>
<p>(telling us how she could get away with killing us)
Dr. X: I have ADD! I will tell the judge that I saw a deer out of the corner of my eye and that I needed to attack it! I'm Tunisian, I'm crazy! They believe me!</p>
<p>Student: Dr. X, say hippopotamus!
Dr. X: hippopupupu...hipopopostalitis...hippopopothalius...Why you make me say that??!! Ohhh, you tease me b/c I can't say it!</p>
<p>(she had anounced a pop quiz in Arabic)
<em>student makes a cheat sheet</em>
<em>Dr. X walks by and picks up cheat sheet</em>
Dr. X: Oh my God, student!!!
Student:...<em>awkward silence and terror</em>
Dr. X: You made a study sheet?! This is excellent! I'm going to go make copies for my next class :)</p>
<p>(talking about when her son came out)
Dr. X: Ahh, well at first when son came out, I thought...ohh, Allah is smiting me b/c I am a nonobservant muslim...but then I thought, no, I will raise him the European way. I find him good Arab boyfriend!
Student who is Belgian:....umm, that's not what we do in Europe!</p>
<p>student: I was late today because I got into a wreck b/c some idiot was driving the wrong way on the interstate. How do you drive up the ramp and not see the "Wrong-Way" signs??!!
Dr. X:...you know...it's not that hard. I do it many many times before. Sometimes when I go to the gym with my daughter I pull into one way street wrong way. My daughter scream, "Mom, mom! We're going the wrong way! We're going to die!" so I pull into shoulder and she tells me to get out and she drives home...the first time she did that she was 12. </p>
<p>Calculus teacher:
Mr. L: You should plug in numbers that are bigger than the national debt.</p>
<p>Mr. L: Keep antifreeze away from animals 'cause they think it's kool aid and drink it.</p>
<p>Mr. L: That's when Comparison Test Girl heard the puppy barking, and it said, "Try Limits! Try Limits!"</p>
<p>Philosophy teacher:
Mr. B: Why do you keep coming up here?
annoying kiss up: ...Because I feel like it?
Mr. B: Feel like going back over there!</p>
<p>Mr. B: Dance is really... mostly for people who're too gay to play football.</p>
<p>AP Calculus teacher: **so my father-in-law says that if you're a democrat, you have a heart but if you're a republican, you have a brain.
**Republican kid next to me: **YEAH!
**AP Calculus teacher: but I'm not either
Me:<a href="immediately%20blurts">/B</a> So you's lacking both!
**Whole Class: silence......LAUGHTER
**Me: **OOPS. SORRY! <em>covers mouth</em></p>
<p>Unfortunately, I have foot-in-the-mouth disease.</p>
<p>*Notoriously hated kid in my AP English class: * Ms ______, so have you had an abortion?
*Whole class: * W. T. F.........</p>
<p>And this isn't a stupid quote but.....My government teacher starts off every class by reading the jokes/poems kids published in the LA Times. These kids are in elementary school, so their jokes are terrible and poems are horrible. My teacher always makes fun of them and calls them retarded, makes fun of their names, etc (I know..not very PC). We get extra credit if we send in our own jokes/poems and get published. But they won't publish anything that isn't from a kid so we just subtract 10 years from our real age and say we are from <strong>(insert our high school (also name of our city) name here)</strong> Elementary School. The best part? No elementary school with our high school's name exists (but the LA Times people are too lazy to check that) AND people from our class actually get their stuff published. LOL. I love our teacher.....</p>
<p>This one's pretty bad.
Teacher: "What continent is Carthage on, student?"
Student: [seriously] "Greece?"</p>
<p>AP Bio teacher overhears some girls discussing whether guys or girls are more likely to get STD's from oral, and jumps right in.</p>
<p>"Well, girls are actually more likely, but in neither case is it very likely in the first place unless you have an open wound inside your mouth, then you might have a problem."</p>
<p>APUSH teacher: “Gotta put up the nerd flag at that point, dude.”, "“I hope your placenta survived”, and “C! Stop fondling S!”. She also refereed to crispus attucks as crispy buttox.</p>
<p>My friend couldn’t light her bunsen burner, so she turned to the sub and asked, “Mr. Teacher? Will you light my fire?”</p>
<p>During an oral test in Honors Bio, my friend answered a question, “Isn’t that the PNS? Yeah the PNS!!” Class went dead silent before laughing</p>
<p>Math teacher, while handing out a test, “If you have any questions put your hands in the air. a-air-a-air.” Back when that song was popular…</p>
<p>Why would you use a Bunsen Burner when there was a substitute?</p>
<p>bio teacher says get your fatty acids of my window sill haha.</p>
<p>kid on morphine asks about snailsin the middle of class and claims we were talking about snails but we really were talking about reproduction haha</p>
<p>English teacher is showing a movie and someone happened to record over the tape. he goes this is my favorite part and then its like the sex scene and everyone was laughing haha.</p>
<p>when the bio teacher called us all homo[sapiens]</p>
<p>While reviewing the drugs unit in health class…</p>
<p>girl: Mmm! I love the smell of Sharpies!</p>
<p>um, inhalants much?</p>
<p>Boy sitting next to me in art class: You know what they say children, glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts!</p>