Boarding School for Wayward Rising Junior Girl

Our bright daughter became overwhelmed with emotional challenges in her junior year at public high school and simply stopped attending mid-year. We are considering boarding school for next year to help get her back on track by redoing her junior year. Our daughter has some emotional issues that we are addressing with therapy, but she is not into drugs or serious misbehavior. She was an excellent student.

Is boarding school a good idea? How do we go about finding the right school? What sort of school do we look for? What would be a good school for my daughter?

I think it depends on whether you think she’d be ok in an independent environment without family present for support. Does she have an opinion from her therapist? I wonder if you’d be better off repeating 11th at a local private?

BS could be wonderful for her, or BS could be horrible for her and set her up for in experience that inspires a 21st century version of “Girl Interrupted”.

Changing scenery will not change her. If the change of scenery matches who and where she is right now, maybe… but none of us have an insight into what has made you daughter “wayward”.

I think in this case, if you choose to pursue the BS root, you need to research the second tier and niche schools that are more likely to meet your DD’s emotional needs, and let her lead the way.

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A regular boarding school is unlikely to be a good idea/fit. They are not equipped to deal with mental health issues that are out of the ordinary. However there are therapeutic boarding schools (which are very expensive) that do have the resources for some kids with bigger issues. I would start with researching some of them. Good luck, my nephew was in a similar situation, and it is great you are addressing this sooner rather than later.

I totally agree with @stalecookies. It could be the best thing that ever happened or the worse experience she writes about in 10 years. As a parent, I’d want to kid my kid close to home if they had experienced a bump in the road. BS is academically stressful and kids are expected to work at a high level across multiple areas ( school, sports, arts, social) almost all the time. It’s not a place where you can miss a class or two and pick it up. Most schools have rules and kids are expected to follow them.
I’d figure out why she took that turn, if possible, then figure out the best place to keep her mentally happy and on a good track.

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A caring local private day school, where competition is deemphasized, should be strongly encouraged.

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I think you and your D (and her therapist) need to really understand what broke down and why. If it was largely related to the people around her, it is possible that getting a fresh start could be what she needs. I can imagine scenarios in which this could be the case.

Your next challenge will be finding a school that is unlikely to be put off by her past record (i.e., will admit her) and one where the issue is unlikely to recur. There are schools, not generally the ones everyone here is gunning for, that might fit the bill. Lastly, you would probably need to be full pay or close to it because it will be challenging to get FA under these circumstances.

What’s at the heart of this is whether your D is emotionally in a place to take full responsibility for herself and whether she’s excited about it. Regardless of the general perception of BS, parents don’t send kids there. Kids go there.

I’m really sorry for your struggle on this. It’s so hard to watch our kids when they are suffering.

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Hello,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is actually not uncommon, as smart kids tend to be way ahead of their peers academically, yet physically and mentally they are often struggling to turn from kids into adults.

I have a niece who’s just like your DD. She has been an outstanding student since kindergarten. Unfortunately, as she turned into a teen, she developed both a superiority complex (he has absolutely zero patience for people who are not as smart) AND an inferiority complex (as she is constantly worried about her looks, having cases of FOMO whenever she sees photos of her female classmates having fun/dressing nicely/enjoying life). Little does she know that most people only present the most glamorous aspects about their lives, nor is she mature enough to understand that every single teenager or even adult is fighting an uphill battle that few others know about. She often says she has anxiety and depressed, when in her parents’ eyes she really has been doing okay, if somewhat awkward socially, as she expects perfection from everybody around her.

I honestly do not think boarding school would be good for her, especially as a junior transfer. Junior year can be very stressful, and I am not sure if she would embrace the academic, social and extracurricular challenges of a rigorous environment.

Perhaps you can try and look for a local private school where they have good resident counselors and caring teachers. Continue with therapy until you see light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck and hang in there. You are never alone!