Most girls go to college hoping to find a boyfriend. Your D went there with one. I understand your concerns about him keeping her from fully experiencing college, so all you can do is encourage her to take advantage of opportunities. Hopefully she will.
I would keep the lines of communication open. If she is having doubts (or concerns - the jealous ones can be a problem ), you want to be there for her.
@gardenstategal - I would disagree with the notion that “most” girls are going to college to find a boyfriend- reminds of the “Mrs” degree of the 1960s… My D had dated various people, but ADAMANTLY avoids a “boyfriend” scenario- saying that this is the time for HER life- there will be plenty of opportunities for being a couple later
I could have phrased that better. Didn’t mean to imply boyfriend as in steady or marrying or that that is a primary goal. But I think most are looking for something with the opposite sex, from the occasional hookup to romance to a regular BF or just guys to hang with. Only meant to imply that this young woman has that, just with someone she knew before she arrived.
D1’s best friend in college chose the school because of her BF. He was a year older, so she ED at the school. The first year she really missed out on a lot of girl time. D1 would text her to ask her where she had been. After a year, the friend figured out the BF wasn’t right for her. They broke up. She went on to have few more BFs until she found the one in law school. They are getting married next year. She and D1 are still best friends.
As mentioned by another poster, at least the BF is going to school there, not just hanging out. The only thing I would watch out for is if he prevents her from hanging out with her new friends. As long as it is a healthy relationship then there is nothing wrong with it. It is no different if she should have a new BF at the school.
Anecdote here too. DD’s freshman first roommate had a BF who went to the same college. About three weeks into the term, the roommate upped and moved out. She moved into the dorm where her BF was living (HS couple…just like the OP). It sort of left my kid high and dry. This girl was sort of local and we were from across the country…so she brought the big stuff…fridge, microwave, rug. Of course, she took,that with her when she moved out. But DD had the TV, lamps, and the like.
Anyway…my kid was fine…she got a microwave and a fridge, and a little rug. And waited for a new roommate.
But I asked my DD a year or so later if she ever saw the first roomie. She did…but not often.
But the punchline…about a month after she moved into her BF’s dorm…he broke up with her. They didn’t even make it to Thanksgiving.
My advice is the same as above…just keep the lines of communication open…and do encourage her to join a club or two…and make some of her own new friends.
Just moved my daughter into her dorm at her new school. The random room mate seems nice enough. But she too, moved to the school with the high school boyfriend of two years. I wish the boyfriend lived in an apartment somewhere, but he lives in the same dorm. I’m concerned that they may try to kick my daughter out, or the boyfriend will kick his room mate out. Either way is unfair to the respective room mates. Hoping there’s no significant drama.
My DD broke up with her boyfriend (which was already a long distance relationship) right after hs graduation. He was already in college. I was thrilled as I thought she’d meet someone new in college. Well, she did but it is far from ideal. He’s a nice guy but 6 years older, not in school, and now doesn’t even live in the college town (moved home, about 2.5 hours from the school). He doesn’t have much money so it is a big deal for him to come visit. She lives in a sorority house so he can’t spend the night. Sometimes she gets a ride to his home for the weekend, but it is a lot of time out of her life to get there, spend the weekend, and get back. She doesn’t have a car, he shares a car with his mother and brother. She’ll almost break up with him, and then he’s back. She was in London all spring, spent a week at his house, and now he’s coming to visit her next week (going to the Broadway play Frozen) and then he’ll go back to his town, she’ll go to college, and I’m sure they arrange weekends again.
They don’t tell me about the weekend visits because I think it is a huge waste of money and time. Last fall she didn’t get a job, claimed there weren’t any, and then spent more money visiting. She rarely does anything at the college with her sorority or other friends. She’s been gone the last two spring semesters, so doesn’t really have a core group of friends. This boyfriend is older, so he doesn’t want to go to the sorority dances, he doesn’t like football, doesn’t have friends in the town.
I wouldn’t prefer the high school boyfriend (he was clingy and whiny), but why can’t she just date a regular college boy?
I feel for you. As a parent you want your daughter to have the full college experience including personal growth and you know that won’t happen with a serious boyfriend consuming her time and energy. This is something parents understand and the students will later in life.
I have absolutely no advice but just want to validate your feelings. The red flag that I see is that he is the jealous type. That behavior is toxic and is going to limit her experience in college even more because she is going to find herself checking in with him, answering to him and having to put his mind at ease. On the other hand, now that they are more or less living together, this may get under her skin and could be the straw that breaks it. I guess I do have some advice…keep supporting her emotionally and if she does confide in you complaints about his jealousy, help give her the tools to see it for what it is and move on from him. No young woman should be tolerating or dealing with jealousy. She should be living her life to the fullest.
Hang in there.
Why would a boyfriend preclude the full college experience? I met my husband the first week of freshman year and had the fullest, richest, most meaningful college experience I can imagine. My undergrad years were the most magical of my life. Without him, college would have been just school. I missed nothing and feel I gained everything.
“He is a nice kid just a little of a jealous type”
I wouldn’t worry about whether or not a boyfriend followed or whether or not she has one or many boyfriends during college, but I would keep eyes on anyone who is “a little of a jealous type” whether that boyfriend came before, during, or after college. Jealousy rarely works in a relationship. I would make sure she always had a place of her own. I would also do a little reading on domestic violence and control just in case.
I get where you don’t like what you see. If it’s a big school, I wouldn’t worry about it (see all the advice above). Small school? Break ups can be more awkward as the couple might be forced to see each other more. My oldest broke up with her hs bf in the summer. He had already committed to the same college and made it his mission to throw up roadblocks to her success and happiness whenever he had the chance. 'Twas a rough year.