So i’m currently a senior in high school and my boyfriend is a freshman in college. (we did not attend the same high school and we’ve been dating for 2.5 years) he goes to a school about 4 hours away and does not like it at all. it’s far from home and he doesn’t like not seeing his family who he is really close to and he also doesn’t like how the school is such a big party school. so he wants to transfer to a school that is closer to his house. that just so happens to be the school i’ve been planning to attend because it is a really good school for my major and it’s also close to my home. this year has been pretty tough being so far away from him and we would talk about him transferring all the time. i would be so excited when we talked about it i was so excited and thought what could be better? my dream school w my boyfriend who i’ve never lived close to or went to the same school as? but last week he finally applied to transfer and i guess it just hit me because now i’m having second thoughts. my dad doesn’t love the idea because he said he just wants me to “do my own thing.” and i agree! i want to do my own thing and make my own friends and have the college experience, but i feel like i can do all that while still being in a relationship with my boyfriend. i feel like it would make it even more fun to be able to experience some things w him too. so i guess my question is just do you’ve have any advice for me? can i still do my own thing if he goes to the school? and also how? some other info is that my bf will be getting an apartment that is technically off campus. he also has a lot of friends from his high school that currently attend this college. i guess i’m just nervous and also a little bit jealous because this is my first year of college and i was so excited but now he’s just talking about his new apartment and how great it will be and how he is gonna have parties w his old friends and idk that makes me a little jealous. i probably sound completely crazy bc honestly i don’t know what i want rn. pls help w any advice you have
I was in this situation many years ago, and I got so caught up with my BF and his friends and activities that I didn’t take time to make my own friends and find my own interests. I did make some great male friends through the BF, but I didn’t have a single girl to talk with when I had problems.
IF you could balance your time so you had time for yourself and your studies as well, it would probably work out. It would take a conscious effort, though, because it’s so easy to want to spend all of your time with your BF at the expense of creating your own life and your own college experience.
Good luck!
If your relationship with your boyfriend is going to last over the long term then you should talk about your feelings and his and negotiate the issues as they present themselves.
Parents are realistic about their kid’s relationships when young. We’ve been there done that in many cases. You do need to balance your ability to start to explore what you want to do with your life, your academic and professional goals, and you have to deal with your felling of jealousy if you are really going to support each other. Grown ups deal with these things successfully or they don’t, that’s reality.
If your relationship is healthy, you can do this.
This can be tricky because on one hand, it’ll be great to have someone around that you’re so close to, so you’ll be tempted to hang with him and his friends. But that will, as @nerdmom88 points out, make it easy to not do your own thing, including making friends.
Maybe you could agree that you’ll only do things together on one of the 2 weekend nights? Or something like that? Remember too that he may get so caught up being back with friends that you will have time for your thing. See it as a gift, not a snub. Let the relationship take its course and enjoy college.
Awkward!! By “second thoughts” do you mean that you are thinking of going to another school instead or that you talked him into transferring to “your” school.
Not sure what you can do if you are committed to going to the same school. Hopefully your relationship would allow you to have your own life at college and get everything you wanted to out of it. If he is the possessive type then consider going to your second choice instead.