That is a lot of apps, especially for a slightly reluctant kid. Be smart. Use the common data set, info on school website, and past acceptance threads out here to get an idea of her merit chances. Don’t just throw darts. And be careful asking for more aid — piss off the aid people if they think you are playing schools off against each other, and it could hurt more than it helps. I’ve successfully done it, but it takes some finesse.
Don’t make it all so much about money that you ruin your relationship with your kid.
It’s hard to vacation in Paris, Texas after you’ve bought tickets to Paris, France and have already fantasized about walking on the banks of the Seine watching the lights flicker in the evening.
It might be nice to say you got in to a certain school. Or it might be horrible and leave a kid with 2-3 great options feeling like sloppy seconds. For a kid who is struggling a bit with burnout on the schools she NEEDS to apply to, throwing some crapshoot schools on top could backfire.
I thought I would give an update to my original post about my D19 feeling like she was burning out.
We never got real formal on a set time to discuss progress, but I did back off some. We seemed to fall into a decent groove. D19 never missed a deadline and never had to hit send minutes before a deadline.
D19 I think has had some fun with the app process. She will send in an app if they send an app fee waiver many times. It almost has become a game with her. She finished a final early and sent an app while waiting for the next final a few days ago. In the end she has sent 14 apps. 3 more to go. The 3 more are super selective/elites. She was waiting for finals to be over to do them. She has one done and is in review process. Btw, parents aren’t part of the review process. So really only 2 more apps to go before 1/1. She can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We have gone into the process with the mentality of leaving no stone unturned. We are looking for merit. A note about the fee waiver schools. Go ahead and look into them. D19 found a few good ones and one she likes, which gave her a great offer. We did hear from her #1 choice and the merit wasn’t great. That led us to having her make a couple of visits in Nov. Offers are still coming in. One school sent $3K additional for freshman year this week. Overall we will still have plenty of research to do. I am glad we haven’t closed any doors yet.
One suggestion I would make about the process. See D19 didn’t play her fall sport this year. I was expecting her to have more time for the college app process. Well, she filled it up quickly. Some more EC time and mainly more work time. She took a job at a haunted house on Fri/Sat in Oct. Not only did that eat up time but it also didn’t allow for any visits in Oct. Just be careful not to let your kids over schedule themselves. The apps take time and the essays for take time as well. Almost all merit require some essay.
I do think D19 feels good about being accepted to so many places and getting some merit money. It has helped during the process. But we still have a lot of work ahead of us. Most is our doing and I understand that.
@gpo613, glad to hear her opportunities are coming in and that she’ll have some decent choices. Good luck with the selective schools as well. My D applied to 19 schools (chasing merit) with I believe 4 high reach choices, two of which she was rejected, one waitlist and one didn’t fit our financials. We had fun and I’ll admit a few disappointments when decisions trickled in. Two quarts of ice cream, one for admits and one for rejections…she ate alot of ice cream with that many applications lol. In the end she got full tuition at an academic safety school (at that time, but no longer a safety) and will graduate in May! Time flies when you’re having fun.
@gpo613 so maybe time to switch gears now. Talk to her about which schools for you now as a parent to pursue financial aid /grant money merit. Just because they offered you “x” doesn’t mean you can’t get “z”… But if you don’t ask you will never know… So yes, there are ways to get more money. This is especially true at lac schools. My friend got $8,000 more /year on some suggestions so it can happen.
One thing that worked for us after going back and forth when they said there was no more grant /merit to give us. I asked. “what about housing” “can you help with the housing costs” She said no one ever asked that and they gave us "$2500 /year towards that… If you don’t ask…
Did you run net price calculators on all of the selective schools? Most of them will not offer merit most likely, only need based aid, is your EFC affordable?
Also did you figure in future changes in income or assets? Need based aid would change.
You mentioned Brown, they only give need based aid, right?
Both my kids applied to schools that gave merit. They also applied to all local scholarships they were eligible for depending on their major in March of senior year. That’s when my son wrote most of his essays, amidst play practice and choir competition practice.
Seems odd to me when people say it’s kid’s education, so parents should butt out. As long as parents’ $ is involved, they have a right to provide input.
Having monitored 2 successful searches in recent years, in my experience the parents’ input does most good early in the search & narrowing process, to help filter out schools that are likely bad fits, financially, distance-wise, or whatever. That helps prevent kid from getting a crush on an unworkable school, and helps ensure the ones applied to are, as far as you can tell at that point, realistic options. If all schools applied to are likely realistic options, then parents can ease out of the picture somewhat & let the kid make the final decision ( which would seem to be the best way to conclude this odyssey).
I got everything on a spreadsheet yesterday. So far 10 of the 11 schools that accepted her gave her offers. Nice to see everything in one spot.
We did run NPC on the selective schools and I am not holding my breath that they will workout even if she gets in. Which is why we were chasing so much merit.
I do have a similar ranked school now to play against her #1 choice that is not a selective school.
We are still in the decision process. And I want off this roller coaster.
We were at an interview last Friday for a full tuition scholarship to one of her top 4 or 5 choices.
She was shut out of the two ivy’s she applied to. And another top 20 school. That one stung some.
She ended up getting some good merit. I even wrote a letter to her #1 choice and they upped her merit. Unfortunately it is still a bit out of reach. Ironically this coming weekend we are visiting one last school. In my opinion it matches her the best overall from all aspects. I really hope she likes it.
So I imagine we will have a decision in a little over a week.
She has been filling out local scholarship apps lately. Mom is making her do that. She is done with the process. These small scholarships won’t announce until mid-May. Can’t count on them.
At the end of the day we ended up with a 4-5 of schools with COA(no books or personal expenses or trans) under $20K. That was my goal from the beginning. Most of these schools would meet her academic needs. She was 1 of 40 kids going for 2 full COA scholarships at a school. She didn’t get it. That would have been really nice.
That’s really great. It’s rare to end up with that many affordable choices. Nice job! I am so glad our two kids are in college and that process is done. I remember making the extensive excel sheet just to come to the conclusion that… College is very expensive ??.
I ageee with @intparent: “You could also tell her you will completely lay off once she has acceptance to one safety that is affordable.”
Sit her down and explain the situation. You wish you could give her the world, but financially you can’t, so you are doing what you can so that she has OPTIONS. She needs to understand the reality of the situation… If she doesn’t get a certain amount of merit money, you will have to say no to that college. My daughter was burned out too, and we were a donut hole family so chasing merit was a necessity. She was a NMF and understood that she had 2 options if the elite colleges on her acceptance list were not affordable (we gave her an amount.) She could either take out loans, or attend the NMF scholarship school (she was accepted into the HC at UKY). We have other children and didn’t want to do for one that we couldn’t do for the others.
I think if you make this very clear, then it is on her to do with it as she pleases. My daughter wanted her dream school (or even 2nd choice school) bad enough to fight for it, and even though I know it was stressful, any time there was another scholarship essay to be written she would write it etc. Thankfully it was a storybook ending for her. She ended up at her dream school (a perfect fit for her) and we were able to afford it.
By the way, I totally related to what you said about throwing yourself into something and having it be on your mind all of the time. I am the same way— that’s why I come here, because I know I would drive everyone in my life crazy otherwise! Good luck to you both!!
My eldest ended up having a bi-modal distribution…3 under 30K and then 2 over 40K.
I told her to eliminate the top 2 and then pick from the remaining 3…one was closer to 20K and one closer to 30K, but we could afford any so we let her make the pick (which happened to be the most expensive, but also gave the most IB credits so she graduated early)
For those who will be visiting schools this fall to get that application list going, ask if there are any free applications available. My one kid applied to his top choice school for free! When visiting, his tour guide said to go get an app voucher or whatever from the Admissions office to get an app fee waiver. Other tours did not get that info. GIven the cost of apps and the number of applications kids are making, it can add up to a tidy sum. I asked every single school if they had free apps. Granted, only got a handful over the years, but we are talking several hundred dollars.
My DD20 is incredibly stressed too, and says the whole process makes her anxious. What works for us is that I never bring it up. She brings it up a lot, but on her own timetable when SHE feels like talking about it (usually late at night, sigh). The only time I go first is when we are scheduling tours and I really need her input on dates at a particular moment, which is rare.
Problem is, she has a twin brother who talks about college constantly. Now that I think about it, he must be the source of a lot of her stress!
I will probably write up a post when D19 makes her decision. Talk about the things I would have done differently, etc.
One area that I definitely have a strong opinion about now is the college visits/tours. Basically I would have liked to have understood my D19’s preferences better before we went out on the tour circuit. Visits eat up time and money and both are quite valuable in the process. We visited a couple of places that she would never go to. I think if we had done better research before visits we wouldn’t have bothered. I think we felt it was time to do some visits and we started some of them.
Also I honestly don’t believe a visit is all that worthwhile. A dorm room is a dorm room. A dining hall is a dining hall. Schools are always going to paint a pretty picture of themselves.
@gpo613 I think a kid who is paying attention can learn things even from college tours of colleges they wouldn’t like to attend. I took my youngest to a college that I knew was smaller than what he wanted, but they had an attitude about education and serious senior projects that I thought should at least be on his radar. My oldest nixed tours after visiting four colleges as a junior saying all dorm rooms were the same. He was much more receptive after he got accepted to four colleges none of which he had seen. It turned out he still didn’t care about dorm rooms, but at the accepted students weekend, one college really stood out in how they presented their department. And that’s where he ended up going.
I still think visits are important. On paper there were a few schools that looked like really good fits for S but 5 minutes on campus he as like “Nope!” There was another school that he fought us for 2 years as being too small and too rural. We finally convinced him to go see it & a week later he applied Early Decision.
@gpo613 But sometimes they don’t know what they don’t want until they do a visit and see the options.
I think visits are good as it helps the students “see” themselves as college students and helps the transition process.
Visits were super important for my DD as she totally changed what she wanted and where she thought she “fit” best after a couple of visits. IMO, the admissions presentations are just cheer leading but talking to students, sitting in on classes, and meeting with profs can really help shape a decision.
Good luck to you both!!