calling all parents!: how do I make my dad care?!

Parents Forum
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<p>Why does everything seem difficult? I wish everyone would just say “oh it’s okay, let her go. She’s the little engine that could, that one. Let it slide” haha if only.</p>

<p>I am calling insurance on Monday, but I was thinking/hoping that I will be covered as a child, until I reach 19–which is in December–regardless of school. So if I get cut off in December for being a part-time student, then I will again be a full-time student in the fall. So it would only be like 6 months of no health insurance. I just have to bubblewrap myself and stay away from candy. and sports. and anything possibly dangerous.</p>

<p>Also, anyone have any advice about loans? I’m calling Iowa on Monday as well, but they just never are very nice in the Financial Aid office. I imagine they must deal with a lot of annoyances, but still.</p>

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<p>Everyone has to learn these things eventually - you are just way ahead of the curve! Later when your friends are struggling to learn how to deal with insurance, finances, difficult situations, etc. you can just take out a good book and relax.</p>

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<p>Jigfeet, your plan makes a lot of sense. You have a plan for getting through college without being too burdened by debt - I know you’ll make a great success of it. Right now your to do list looks overwhelming, but just keep taking deep breaths and checking items off, one by one. You’ll get through it all.</p>

<p>I second (or third, or fourth…) CRD’s comments about applying for full rides. Pittsburg and Alabama for sure, and any other schools where the applications are easy. I’ve been seeing a lot of very positive posts about U. Arkansas lately, and they also offer a few full-ride scholarships for out of state students. It can wait until you get to Iowa, however. Right now you need to prioritize your list and do the most urgent tasks first.</p>

<p>I wasn’t sure whether you were planning to take two classes during the fall or just one. If you’re planning to take two, let me encourage you just to take one. You’re going to have a lot on your plate just getting settled into a new apartment, job, friends, etc. Plus you will be filling out college apps, and even the easy ones are time-consuming. Don’t overload yourself.</p>

<p>About health insurance - my niece thought she was covered until her trip to the emergency room. When the insurance company got the bill they reviewed her situation, decided she wasn’t eligible, and dropped her from the policy. Now she’s looking at a several thousand dollar bill. Best to know the bad news beforehand.</p>

<p>Final word about moving - take as little as possible, just the essentials. The less you take, the less you have to pay for shipping, and the less you have to pack up for the next time you move. If you can find a room in a house or apartment that is already occupied by other students they will have already acquired most of the household stuff.</p>

<p>Good luck, and keep us posted.</p>

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<p>Health Insurance- Last year my D was part time for one semester so she went off our insurance. I was able to sign her up through a Blue Cross Blue Shield Young Adult policy. It did not cover most smaller expenses which we paid out of pocket. It did cover her for those catastrophic things we hope never happen. It was less than $50 per month. You might look into something like this to cover your gap. I know you are stretched financially. As tempting as it might be, please don’t try to keep coverage if you aren’t eligible. If the insurance company finds out, nothing good will come from it. </p>

<p>Many drug stores have “minute clinics” which are lost cost alternatives for flu, sinus infection, etc.</p>

<p>Best of luck, we are all rooting for you!!</p>

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<p>^^Excellent suggestion, momwithhope.</p>

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<p>Here’s another vote for your success. Did I miss something about the insurance? If you are working full time won’t you have insurance through work?</p>

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<p>having a gap in health insurance is generally a bad idea. There are some relatively cheap options for healthy young adults (< $50/month), you should look into it after you find out your parents’ insurance rules.</p>

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<p>Ha HA! I feel quite happy. I spent the last 3 hrs on the phone calling people on my To Do list, and it feels GREAT crossing things off. Lovely, really. </p>

<p>So, health insurance says that I am covered until age 25, regardless of my school situation or anything else. That is a huge relief! I got my orientation date changed as well, and refunded for my old one…AND the check will be coming made out to me! HA :)</p>

<p>My friend went and checked on 3 of my final housing choices, each are a bedroom in a 5 or 6 bedroom house (it seems to be the cheapest option, all $400, and I really want to put a lease down by Wed…time is running out!), and she said my number 1 choice was really dirty, gross, old, and she just couldn’t imagine me living there. My 2nd choice was better and actually not terrible, however the people seemed a little off. Also, it is in the south end of Iowa City, and apparently there has been some crime and fighting in that area recently and lots of cops, and isn’t the best place to be. But it’s my best option…
My 3rd option is in an eqaully disgusting and dirty house, farther away from campus in the really old district, and apparently the people there are quite racist.
Sooo not sure what to do about that. </p>

<p>I have narrowed my laptop choices down (laptops seems frivolous in retrospect, but actually necessary to figure out asap, as it is cheaper to buy one than to ship my desktop PC to Iowa). Dell Studio 15, Lenovo T500, or MSI G630. Ehh? </p>

<p>So today: I have to find and complete forms for loans, but being able to speak with someone today about them made me feel better and more accomplished. I also need to send in transcripts and scores to community college to register. I need to recheck my health records and immunizations, but I think those are ready to send out.</p>

<p>Tomorrow I will focus on car shipping (ugh expensive) and calling a thousand places for estimates on that as well as shipping my clothes and such over. It will be hard to part with my stuff! </p>

<p>Ok…I can do this!</p>

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<p>Great job!!!
Don’t panic and take a bad place–you will be facing enough on your own not to be in totally depressing surroundings.
I checked on Craigslist under “sublets” and if you go back about a week you will find a great one for $390 with other female students. Of course, it could be gone but just be sure to watch the sublets as well as the other listings–as you know this can change rapidly.
How nice of your friend to check things out for you.</p>

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<p>Hooray!!!</p>

<p>I agree, don’t take someplace that you’re going to hate. This is the time of year when there will be new listings posted every day.</p>

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<p>why are you shipping your stuff and your car? would it make sense to take a couple of days off, load up the car and drive it? This would solve the computer issue as well…</p>

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<p>I was thinking the same thing as nngmm - if you didn’t want to go alone couldn’t you get a friend to drive with you? Even if you covered their plane ticket back and the hotel if you took 2 days it would be much cheaper than shipping a car, replacing the computer and mailing all your stuff. Hundreds instead of thousands.</p>

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<p>be very careful but you could also try and find someone who needs a “ride” and will pay for gas–first try and find someone who might be needing a ride to a college in Iowa or somewhere on the way.</p>

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<p>I’ve been assuming that you live much further from Iowa than a day or two drive. If that’s the case, then it will be very, very expensive to ship the car. A cheaper solution, especially if it’s an old car that will need a lot of maintenance, may be to sell the car and lease another one when you get to Iowa. You could probably get a 36 month lease on a Hyundai or Toyota for (considerably) under $1,000 down and about $250/month. Those low-mileage leases are the way to go. You can’t drive more than 12,000 miles/year, but you’re unlikely to do that anyway. If you end up at an urban school like Pitt and don’t need a car, it’s usually not difficult to find someone to assume your lease. The advantage of a new or gently used car is that it’s extremely cheap to maintain and is unlikely to break down on you. My niece has a Hyundai - it’s been ridiculously reliable.</p>

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<p>Well. I leave in a week. I actually started writing this update on Monday, when life was still okay. I never finished, but I figure I might as well now.
I got my car shipped, a lease signed, boxes picked up, clothes picked out ready to be packed. I looked into my classes, I had my job transfer lined up, I had my plane tickets down. I was ready. I was excited. My mom and I were leaving on Tues.
On sunday afternoon, my mom went to the grocery store drunk, which wasn’t unusual for her. While she was there, she fell down and hit her head, so they called an ambulance and rushed her to the hospital for CAT scans. The scans showed there was a tiny bit of brain bleeding, and it seemed to be a little swollen. They kept their eye on that, but what they were really worried about was her huge terrible alcohol withdrawl symptoms. She was convulsing so badly that she was in a ‘lucid coma’ and could not speak or walk or anything because she was going through such bad withdrawls. They thought she would be ok within a few days, so my dad and I were actually relieved on Sunday that she was finally getting help. Well, on Monday they said the 2nd cat scan showed more swelling and bleeding, and then Tues morning they said the 3rd cat scan was worse and they needed to transfer her immediately to another hospital with a better neurology department. When she got there the neurologist said they needed to operate right away or she would die within 3 hrs. They said that the surgery went well and there were no complications, but she was in a coma. They said there was a 50% chance she would die, and a 50% chance that if she did live, that she would be a vegetable. So basically only 25% chance she would be ok. This morning my dad went to visit her, and the doctors said they were extremely worried that she hadn’t woken up yet. Then they said that they are very very pessimistic about her outcome. They said she probably suffered a stroke during the last night or at some point, and she is just not doing as well as they had hoped. They told my dad that they are 99.8% sure that she isn’t going to make it, and they give her 48 hrs. She isn’t breathing on her own and is still in a coma. She’s basically…a vegetable. For loss of better words. They took another CAT scan tonight and it shows that she’s not getting better. They say that they think she will never wake up from her coma. Even if she does wake up, she for sure has so much brain damage, that she would never ever be my mom again. She would most likely be paralyzed and unable to speak or think. So basically she is gone. My mom is not here anymore. I cannot imagine my life without my mom. I know that she has been like…a terrible alcoholic for the past 8 yrs, but I still don’t want her to leave me. I look around the house and see what she has decorated and her shoes and stuff, and I am just hysterical. I dunno what to do. It’s just so bad. My dad came home from the hospital with her purse and her clothes she was wearing the day of. I never had a chance to say goodbye, or to hug her one last time. I don’t even remember what our last convo was, but I am positive we were fighting, since we always fought since she was always drunk. I never learned to make her famous recipes…or her little hints and tips for other stuff. She will never see my children or see me graduate or get married. I would give anything for her to be back in her chair, drunk and yelling at me.
We are supposed to leave in a week. We are supposed to go shopping and spend time together before me going to college. I didn’t even want her to come with because she was going to be so drunk. I just want her back now though.</p>

<p>I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I can’t have a happy little life. Because life sucks. Or at least mine seems to this year.</p>

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<p>Oh jigfeet, I am so sorry to hear your news.</p>

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<p>Jigfeet:</p>

<p>I am so very, very sorry. It must be so hard to think ahead now. However, I suggest you call your school and find out whether you can delay certain things while you cope with this catastrophe at home. Do you have someone besides your dad who can help out? someone you can talk to?
Cyberhugs to you!</p>

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<p>Jigfeet,
I am so very sorry for what you are going through, and I am holding you and your family in my meditations.</p>

<p>Please look on-line or in your phonebook and find the nearest Al-Anon group and call them. They are people who understand what you’re going through because they, too, have or have had alcoholics in their lives whom they love. Some of the Al-Anon members have gone through seeing their loved ones alcoholism lead to self destruction. </p>

<p>You can also call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday thru Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET. </p>

<p>[How</a> to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico](<a href=“http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html]How”>http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html)</p>

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<p>Jigfeet, I’m so sorry that this time, that was supposed to be the culmination of all your hard work and struggles, now has an even higher mountain that you need to climb. </p>

<p>The sadness and regrets you are feeling must seem huge to you right now.</p>

<p>Consider yourself, though, and what you are trying to accomplish. Does this terrible situation mean you should postpone your well-thought-out plans, in order to stay near your mother and father? Or, considering that there’s nothing you can do to help your mother, should you continue with the plans?</p>

<p>Only you can make that decision. You know we are all rooting for you.</p>

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<p>Oh Jigfeet, I am so, so sorry. I’ve been thinking about you this summer as I’ve been helping my son get ready to leave for college and hoping that your plans were all working out. And they were…</p>

<p>Life has been terribly cruel to you this past year. Just keep looking beyond your pain and grief and know that there are good things in store for you. I second Northstarmom’s suggestion that you contact Alanon. Alcoholism is a hideous fatal disease that affects the alcoholic’s entire family. You need to share your pain with people who understand.</p>

<p>Whether you choose to get on that plane on Tuesday or delay your departure, you will have our complete support. Don’t put it off too long, though! You deserve to have the life that you have envisioned for yourself, and you need to leave home to pursue it. Your mom knew that and would want you to get on the plane - if not next week, then soon. Take her with you in your heart.</p>