<p>Jigfeet,</p>
<p>I am truly sorry for the difficult time you are experiencing. It sucks. I don’t remember if this has been discussed with you as an option, but what about signing up for the military? Or Americorps? Something where you can get your schooling paid for and which your dad won’t have anything to do with. </p>
<p>Also, maybe you need to take a semester off of school and get the counseling that you need…</p>
<p>Hi Jigfeet, </p>
<p>I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. I’m still pulling for you. I’m glad you found a job and are able to work toward gaining Iowa residency. It may be a long road to self-finance your whole degree, but life is long. Hang in there. </p>
<p>Your father sounds like a piece of work. </p>
<p>I would look into whether you and your brother can sue your father to compel him to file FAFSA. </p>
<p>I don’t know how much if any support you are getting from your father, but according to the Guide to Federal Financial Aide, there ARE special circumstances for which you can be declared to be independent. The Financial Aid Administrator at your school has the final say in this matter. I don’t know what those circumstances are, but if you don’t qualify within the next few years, I don’t know who could. Maybe you should talk to the Director of Financial Aid at Iowa to discuss your situation. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I am so sorry Jigfeet.</p>
<p>There is a way you can declare yourself independent but that may mean you may not have the $3000 from your dad anymore. </p>
<p>If he does not give you any money, he can no longer claim you as an dependent in his taxes. Then when you file taxes you claim yourself as an independent/head of household.</p>
<p>It really bothers me that it is required to get a permit and to post bond before having a garage sale…but that anyone can have a child without meeting any requirements at all.</p>
<p>Jigfeet, I hope karma has fun with your father one day. Remind him that you will be the one choosing his nursing home…</p>
<p>Jigfeet:</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you! Have you talked to the folks at the financial aid office? They might be able to advise you on various scenarios. Hang in there and don’t let the bitterness overwhelm you. Come here and vent as much as you want.</p>
<p>OK Jigfeet, this is going to sound weird, but you need to get to an Al-Anon meeting right away. Yes, I know your mom is dead, but she was an alcoholic and you have years of issues to deal with. The most important part is that there will be truly supportive people there who will care that you are in despair! I’ve been to MANY Al-Anon meetings and they are all about helping people who are suffering. You need compassionate people who will listen and care. Do not isolate yourself. Your Dad is a jerk. Look up the Al-Anon phone number in the telephone book or on your laptop, call and find out about the nearest meeting and GO.</p>
<p>You’ve through too much. You need people who understand EVERYTHING. Go!</p>
<p>I know that you are fully committed to staying in Iowa, and I respect that. You are building a life, have employment, and once you have residency, it should be easier for you to make some forward progress. </p>
<p>Nonetheless, I’ve taken the liberty of looking for full-rides or at least full-tuition that may still be open to you for the coming Fall if you can still qualify as a freshman.</p>
<p>University of Texas at Dallas.
Drury University
University of Missouri at Kansas City (Feb 1 deadline, full tuition, room+board, etc)
[UMKC</a> Financial Aid and Scholarships](<a href=“http://www.sfa.umkc.edu/site2/index.cfm]UMKC”>http://www.sfa.umkc.edu/site2/index.cfm)</p>
<p>I can’t tell if you could still qualify as a freshman at any of these, and you should check if you are interested before you jump through any hoops.</p>
<p>Jigfeet: I feel that you are ignoring perhaps the most important advice given on this thread, both at its beginning and above in ClassicRockerDad’s post. Please apply while your ACT is still current to places that offer full rides. I know it’s overwhelming – and no young adult should have to go through what you have – but you must open up your world to allow for opportunities that will take you out of your present circumstances. Univ of Mo is not Harvard, I know, but you can still get an excellent education. At this point, you have little to lose by leaving Iowa. Your father will not pay for you. You know that. </p>
<p>In the meantime, march yourself into Univ. of Iowa’s financial aid office and explain your circumstances, how you’ve worked to establish residency, why you need complete financial aid, etc. You, like many other students, will have to work a part-time job as you attend school full-time, but you CAN do it. You must, whether it’s at University of Iowa or elsewhere.</p>
<p>Your only way out of the current situation is to get a college education, and that means readjusting your expectations. Everyone here is rooting for you! You are a special young woman. Have confidence in yourself.</p>
<p>Hugs to you, Jigfeet. </p>
<p>First, don’t feel bad about feeling bad. Yes, your house didn’t drop on your head, but you’ve been hit with more than your fair share of loss in the past year. You’ve lost your mother to a terrible disease, and your father, the other person that you have most loved and relied on, has been gradually abandoning you. The closest thing you have to a permanent home is disappearing. You feel that you have little left of your mother and your own childhood. These are huge losses. Any one of them could lead to anxiety and depression - that they have all happened at once is unimaginable. Your feelings are completely natural and normal. You are not being selfish. You are traumatized.</p>
<p>So, what can you feel grateful for? You have a job, a place to live, and food to put on the table. You still have your health, your fine mind, and your determination to succeed. You need to protect and nurture what you have - that means prioritizing your time so that you can take care of yourself. I agree that alanon is a great place to start. There are meetings at all kinds of times - not just during working hours. In addition, you really need to see someone about your symptoms of anxiety and depression, as they can affect your physical health and your ability to move forward.</p>
<p>You say that you don’t have time to take care of yourself - that means that you have to give up something. Perhaps it’s time to drop the cc class. And forget the internship for the moment. As CRD says, life is long. You will have another 60 years, God willing, to accomplish everything you want to. Focus on what is most important right now, and let the other stuff hang for a while.</p>
<p>So what should your priorities be?</p>
<ol>
<li>Find a way to continue your education. Taking steps to do this will help aleviate your anxiety and depression probably more than anything else you could do right now.
First, send in some applications because the deadlines are looming. CRD listed some for you. Here’s another one: [Dominican</a> University of California](<a href=“http://www.dominican.edu/]Dominican”>http://www.dominican.edu/). It’s a tiny LAC in the area where I live, and it offers a full tuition scholarship to validictorians. It’s located in an affluent (and very pleasant) suburb, so you could find part-time work or could trade room and board for babysitting. Deadline to apply is 2/1. Another possibility - the Coast Guard Academy [United</a> States Coast Guard Academy](<a href=“http://www.cga.edu/]United”>http://www.cga.edu/). You could get a good liberal arts education and get experience that could ultimately be more valuable to you as a journalist than any magazine internship. The Coast Guard needs people working in journalism and public relations, just like any other large organization. The Coast Guard doesn’t go to war and is part of Homeland Security, not the military. It protects our coastlines and is a first responder in humanitarian crises such as Haiti. Deadline to apply is also 2/1.</li>
</ol>
<p>Once you get your apps in, talk to financial aid at Univ. of Iowa and see what they can do for you. Obviously staying in Iowa is preferable if they can help you make it affordable.</p>
<ol>
<li>Work actively on the healing process. Go to alanon. Find a grief support group that meets when you’re available. See someone about your symptoms. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.</li>
</ol>
<p>You will have a great life. It may not evolve in the way you have imagined, but it will be full of joy and achievement. Those of us in mid-life look back at the twists and turns that our lives have taken and marvel at the directions we have gone. Even without the hardships you have faced over the last year, it’s unlikely that your life will turn out the way you imagined it would when you were 17. Go forward. Be strong. Take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid of strategic abandonment (giving up or deferring things that aren’t top priority). Keep us posted.</p>