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<p>I think the number one priority is for this student to STOP relying on her father for ANYTHING.</p>
<p>I agree with vicariousparent, #141.</p>
<p>Hugs, Jigfeet.</p>
<p>Vicariousparent has it exactly right. Stop relying on your father for ANYTHING.</p>
<p>Start making plans to get out of the house and out from under his control.</p>
<p>Find a living situation that you feel safe in, and a job that will pay the bills. </p>
<p>Take a couple of classes, but not enough to jeapardize your freshman status. Harvard extension, community college, whatever works.</p>
<p>Reapply this fall to programs that offer merit-based full rides.</p>
<p>One year of working a drudge job is a small price to pay for independence from someone who has proved himself, over and over again, to be unreliable.</p>
<p>You did not waste your time in hs. You still have all the great credentials that you had during the last application cycle. You will get into a great program and will find a way to fund your own education.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you have to go through this all. I agree with Marinmom. Take a gap year and use it to save and really choose programs wisely. You have a lot more knowledge now with the admission process and about the finances you’ll need. There’s plenty of sad stories about parents who say they’ll pay and won’t or a kid goes for one semester and has to drop out. The sad reality is your parents are not required to do anything for you after 18. My gut is your dad cannot afford this at all and should have been more honest with you. It would be worse if you went to a school and then suddenly had to leave. You gain independece this way and it will make you stronger. Don’t think if you do things differently or say things differently you might get a different reaction from your dad. It is what it is. Unfortunately you can’t choose your parents but you can choose how much you’ll let their dysfunction rule your life. Good luck to you. You are a great smart young woman and you will get through this.</p>
<p>Still very hesitant about the gap year and praying that I get a full-ride somewhere. I did not even get accepted into UF with my stats, and could not even get scholarships to most of my schools. I don’t know how I could handle it if I, for some reason, did not get a full-ride or heavy merit aid after a gap year. I know what the site says (like for Alabama and Pittsburgh), but I am sure every one of you knows someone who should have been a 100% shoe-in for something, and then, for whatever reason, did not get it. I know over the gap year I could bulk my application and retake the ACTS/SATS numerous times until I get a higher score, but what if it all fell to nothing…again…and my goal does not work out as I planned? I hear you all telling me that this is the best decision, and logically it is, but I still can’t quite trust it…not that I have many constants in this situation anyways.</p>
<p>My brother, who went through this similar ordeal, except on a much much lower scale, says I am ridiculous for considering a gap year. He has been my dad’s little wing man since he moved out, and really does have complete confidence that my dad will pay for my 2 years of cc, if not the 2 years after as well. So far he has also been correct on everything that has happened on my college journey/slow demise so far. It’s just a difficult decision: even if my dad only pays for cc, that is 2 years more than what I would have if I take a gap year and then do not receive full aid at an institution. I don’t want to be back here in a year complaining again! </p>
<p>I have a list of the best 5 options to do–even though I know there are more–but I will steadily weigh the pros and cons of them. I am filling out my residency form right now for Iowa, and doing the FAU application. I just wish, more than anything, that he could have screwed me over 2 months ago. Or not screwed me over at all. That works too!</p>
<p>I wish I had a rich uncle…or could charm a millionaire. Sigh.</p>
<p>A gap year is risky for someone with a stressful home life. In my extended family, of those who took gap years, only a few went back and finished their degrees. The reason, I believe, is that when your home life is very stressful, a year off from academic pressure feels like paradise, and you lose the desire to subject yourself to all of that pressure again. The immediate relief overwhelms judgment.</p>
<p>If this does not describe you, then maybe you can safely consider a gap year. But if you think you might fit this description, then you may be better off toughing it out and entering college immediately, under whatever circumstances are feasible for you.</p>
<p>By the way…I forget, was this mentioned already?..talking to admissions counselors, not to mention your high school guidance counselor, is a must in your situation. They will know of options that you haven’t thought of, and some college would love to have a student so dedicated to overcoming personal problems to get her education. They would help you find a way to make it work.</p>
<p>I don’t see the risk in taking a gap year while working and still taking a few classes in community college. If you don’t get merit aid the first year, well then you can continue community college, you may actually find out that it isn’t so bad after all.</p>
<p>True. Just don’t take on a car payment, two dogs, revolving credit card debt, and a live-in boyfriend during that year, or all bets are off.</p>
<p>People do this. Don’t be one of them.</p>
<p>If you take a gap year, will you have insurance coverage?<br>
If you do take a gap year and take some community courses, check into transferability of credits. Some community colleges are excellent. My big concern is less over academics than over your home situation. Have you looked into colleges that are still accepting applications?</p>
<p>Has your dad reneged on his promises to your brother once he went to community college ?</p>
<p>I am thinking maybe your dad is determined that his children go to community college. From what you have posted, it certainly didn’t hurt him. </p>
<p>Besides insisting on community college , what else did your dad insist on ? Do you get to pick what you study ?</p>
<p>From their website, the Alabama one sounds pretty solid. Why don’t you call their admissions office Monday morning to get clarification. Tell them your stats and that your parents financial situation is uncertain and that you didn’t know about Alabama and had indented to go to Iowa but you parents won’t pay for college because their future is too uncertain. Explain that you want to take a gap year and reapply to colleges in the fall as a freshman with the goal of winning a full merit scholarship. Make sure that you will get the Presidents Scholarship if you apply early enough even though you are taking a gap year. Find out how many credits you can transfer without losing your eligibility. Self-study and take CLEP and AP exams for subjects that you are strong in. You don’t have to put this on the application, but when you get in, you can use the credits. You may be able to earn enough credits and not even lose much time. Learn the rules of the game and play it. </p>
<p>Do the same thing with Pittsburgh, Kentucky, New Mexico, University of Texas at Dallas and Oklahoma State. Assess your chances realistically. Then you have the information that you need to make a good decision. </p>
<p>The plan may be complicated, but you’re very smart and can keep it all straight. The win is complete financial independence. </p>
<p>Good luck whatever you decide to do.</p>
<p>Wow. I just read through this entire thread (well, kind of) and I have to say I really admire you for being such a successful student and good, independent person even without familial support. Having just gone through the college admissions process myself, I know that things were difficult for me even <em>with</em> the support of my family and without needing financial aid, and I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong and know that the good guy (or girl) always wins in the end – I’m rooting for you and I’m sure there will be a happy ending to this story one way or another.</p>
<p>P.S. I don’t know whether this is something that you ended up doing or not, so I apologize if you’ve done this already and I missed it, but I think the suggestion for a family counselor is a really good one. Even if your dad isn’t any more reasonable with a professional than he is with you, it can still be very affirming and cathartic to see another adult observe what you’re going through and (I’m sure) side with you and sympathize with you so that it’s not just your private struggles any more. It allows you to acknowledge that your dad is crazy if a counselor sees it too, and also allows you not feel bad or like you owe him something that you don’t. It also just provides you with an adult figure who you can go to to vent about this stuff who will understand your position (much like CC is substituting for, it appears) which can be very comforting.</p>
<p>P.P.S. I totally get the thing about feeling like all the hard work you did was for nothing if you go to a school that you could’ve gone to without working so hard anyway, but something I realized was that all that hard work did serve to prepare you well <em>for</em> college (I guess that’s not really shocking since that’s what high school is supposed to do). So if you do end up at a community college, you’ll be sure to be one of the smartest and best-prepared ones there. Being a stand-out student, shining star, and getting glowing teacher recs as a result could serve you well. If you had slacked in high school, you wouldn’t have developed the same set of skills – I suspect you’re an expert paper bs-er (ha ha), quick reader, good note-taker, know how to study for tests in a way that works for you, etc. So don’t feel like all the work you did will be a waste just because you didn’t use it to propel you to a top college, if that makes sense.</p>
<p>Good luck again!!</p>
<p>-A fan :)</p>
<p>Ultimately, you must do what you feel will work best for you. The more experiences you get the more knowledge you will acquire; wherever you go, connect to the counselors and form a core of support for yourself that can give you access to other options and differing views, and information that you may not get on options for yourself.</p>
<p>There is a wealth of information available and many opportunities, but you may need to talk to the GC or counselor at a school where they are aware of more things than even all this wonderful support you are getting here.</p>
<p>The biggest draw for the gap year+full ride is the financial independence forever. Your father’s money never enters the picture again. </p>
<p>Let’s look at the downside. Suppose that you risked taking a gap year, applied for full rides, and didn’t get one. Would he not pay for community college after that? Is the risk merely being in the same situation a year from now?</p>
<p>Here’s some more food for thought. You don’t need any more standardized testing to improve your application. You may need to write some more essays and go on some interviews. You will apply very early in the fall and you should hear the results sometime around November/December of 2009. Look at the threads under University of Pittsburgh and Alabama and the other schools to see when in the year people find out about their scholarships. I’m pretty sure it’s before Christmas. Six months from now, you will probably know if you can get a full ride. Once you know the result, if you are not successful, there is still time for you to matriculate somewhere for the Spring term. You probably only lose 1 term. You can self-study CLEP/AP’s, enter essay contests for scholarship money, work and earn some money. </p>
<p>I don’t see why it has to be either or. The upside is HUGE, the downside is small.</p>
<p>I just went through both of those full-ride scholarship pages, as well as spent a good 2 hours exploring other threads on here…and I just want to say something to all you parents:</p>
<p>Make sure your kids know how lucky they are and are appreciative of you and what you are doing/did for their college. </p>
<p>I never, in my wildest dreams, thought parents could be this involved and caring of their child’s college choices and future…as I have never experienced that at home. To see you guys all over the threads, helping random parents and kids like me through some of the toughest decisions so far is just…amazing. There are students on here–and I admit I used to be one of them–who are complaining that their parents will not send them to a 50k school, but instead to a 30k school, or. These kids do not understand how lucky they are to have parents like you, or how much harder it is to fight for an education than to have it simply handed to them. </p>
<p>I have received unbelievable amounts of warmth and kindness over the past months that have truly kept me sane. You guys congratulated me when I thought life was finally getting better, and even when the light disappeared, you guys continued to offer support. I realize I probably sound ridiculous and slightly unbalanced, as this is just some website forum with random strangers and I am gushing sentimentals, but it isn’t just a website to someone who is in need. I think every student with offering parents who visits this site needs to take a step back and thank the parents for paying for college, or for even caring about their education at all. The power of words and heartfelt advice is just touching, and I thank you all for that.</p>
<p>You have a big heart and a great sense of perspective, Jigfeet. There have been instances of addiction and emotional abuse in our extended family, and I occasionally remind my kids how lucky they are to have grown up in a drama-free zone. </p>
<p>We are all angry on your behalf that you have been jerked around so much this past year and are proud that you are not allowing yourself to become a victim. One of the most important lessons you can learn from this experience is not to depend on someone who is fundamentally undependable. You may not have the college experience that you had planned, but it will be all the richer because you will have made it happen all by yourself.</p>
<p>CRD laid out a good strategy for you. It’s only a few weeks until Aug. 1, when a lot of applications become available. If you get your apps in at the beginning of August you will have a very good shot at a full ride.</p>
<p>“I realize I probably sound ridiculous and slightly unbalanced, as this is just some website forum with random strangers and I am gushing sentimental”</p>
<p>You sound appropriately appreciative, not unbalanced. While we don’t know you in real life, we are people who care about you, and your taking the time to express appreciation means a lot.</p>
<p>Sending you warmest wishes and high hopes that things will work out as you blaze a path to college without relying on your unreliable dad.</p>
<p>I really wish you the best of luck. Let us know how you make out. We’ll be here.</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking of you today. I found another school that offers a free rides - Southeast Missouri State College. As a valedictorian with ACT above 31 you qualify for the Governor’s Scholarship.</p>
<p>Obviously a full ride is the best way to go, but if you want to cover a few more bases, here’s another idea. Check out Dominican University of California. It’s a tiny private that offers full tuition scholarships and an honors program. Because it’s located in the middle of an affluent residential community it would probably be pretty easy to find a living situation where you could trade baby-sitting for rent. I happen to know someone who is doing that, as a matter of fact. I think that if you explained the situation to the fin aid people there they would be happy to help you find loans or grants to cover the costs of food, textbooks, etc.</p>
<p>Jigfeet, Have you thought about how your father will handle the situation if you do get a good scholarship and want to go out to state? I think you may want to have a game plan in place for that issue also. How will you handle it if he tells you that you can’t go or cannot come back to your house on breaks or the summer? My D has a good friend that was in a similar situation. She got a scholarship and told her parents she would be moving out of state even though they didn’t want her to and would offer her no assistance in her college planning. They wanted her at home at a CC closeby. They immediately kicked her out of the house. She ended up staying with us for 2 months until the school year began and then worked it out so she could live on campus for the summer. It was a very sad situation. She thought they would be happy about her scholarship but instead they resented her wanting to move away. Always having a backup strategy will be important for you. You are a smart young woman with a wonderful head on her shoulders. I know you will get through this!!! Good luck and pleas keep us updated.</p>