<p>Jig – So sorry that you are going through this. I want to chime in and urge you not to go for a short term solution that lets you take a full load of freshman courses this next year if that means you would have to enter a four year college as a soph or junior transfer. Getting full support from your college will be much harder if you enter as a transfer. If you count the coming year as a gap year, taking only a couple of courses and working, you will be able to apply to colleges that offer you a 4 year full ride, and you will be free, knowing that you can make it through your undergraduate years on your own no matter what your father decides to do. If you went to Iowa and lived with or near your brother, maybe in addition to working to support yourself (which the colleges to which you apply this coming fall will correctly see as a sign of unusual maturity and an ability to handle adversity with grace), perhaps you could find a PT internship that relates to your interest in writing and publishing with a local newspaper or magazine. As tough as the job market is right now, I wonder if you could work in a bookstore or as an aide in a public or school library. The nanny idea raised earlier could also be a possibility.</p>
<p>Jigfeet: A couple of comments. Despite the fact that it is embarrassing and difficult even for you to accept, I think that when you speak to the Honors College, or anywhere you may need to discuss finances, where you have been accepted you should tell the complete truth: You father has withdrawn any and all support for your education. Ask them that based on this if you can deffer your admission for a year. Move to Iowa and work, and as was mentioned above take a class or 2 , to keep your skills up. Establish yourself as independent and also as a resident. Won’t that bring down the total cost of attendance? </p>
<p>It sounds like you are taking control of the situation. As was mentioned try and get as much information about the 529 as you can. Like how you ask for distribution of the funds etc, just so you know. Find out if you can get them out without your fathers signature.</p>
<p>We’re all routing for you!</p>
<p>I read many of the posts but not all of them, and as someone who was not allowed to attend her “dream” school I have a bit of advice:</p>
<p>Never let resentment rule your life. Never let “getting back” at your Dad rule your life. Do NOT think that where you go to college - especially for the first two years - is that big of a deal. </p>
<p>No matter what you choose to do - whether you choose to try and stick out the gap year and then try to apply to schools where you will get more merit aid, whether you save up money for your dream school one year at a time, whether you go to community college, or whether you go to FL - your dad does not win until you ruin yourself.</p>
<p>Whatever you choose to do, your path is going to be significantly more annoying than those kids whose parents shipped them off to Harvard as soon as they got in. But so what? That’s life. If you do the unthinkable to you right now, that is, attend 2 yrs of community college, do everything in your power to SUCCEED. Do not let resentment spoil personal success. Learn to love whatever is thrown your way, and to thrive in it. This is a skill more valuable than any.</p>
<p>The decisions you make that affect you - decisions to get poor grades at FL because ‘you can’t stand it’ etc. - will stay with you for forever. Your dad’s controlling behavior, on the other hand, will evaporate in its importance when you learn that your success is you, your dreams are you, your work is you, and you do not need anything from him anymore - whether all he paid for was CC or not.</p>
<p>Sweetie, I am so sorry. I also had a situation with a controlling parent come college time that I don’t have time to post about now, but I do understand your frustration. What I didn’t know about then were alternatives to parent funded education (my 1st GC was just waiting to retire, and my 2nd was brand new plus there were 750+ kids in my class) and as a NMSF (who never applied for NMF, I don’t think) I could have done things much differently than I did. </p>
<p>I want to emphasize what others have said about thinking about your choices for the next year very carefully. While it is painful to see your former classmates happily shopping for dorm comforters while you just had the rug pulled out from you, it might be best to wait for a year and reposition yourself. A gap year is not uncommon now. Due to your 34 ACT, waiting a year would offer you the possibility for this type of scholarship at University of Alabama:
“Presidential Scholar
An out-of-state first-time freshman student who meets the December 1st scholarship priority deadline, has a 32-36 ACT or 1400-1600 SAT score and at least a 3.5 cumulative GPA will be selected as a Presidential Scholar and will receive the value of out-of-state tuition for four years.”</p>
<p>You’d still have to cover room and board, but that’s a lot more manageable than some of your other options.
Good luck; you’re in my thoughts.</p>
<p>I misspoke. Rereading an earlier post by you, you have 4.15 GPA, 32 on ACTS, valedictorian, etc. </p>
<p>If you go to the financial aid section, the following two threads have colleges that give full rides to people with your stats. </p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/63770-best-schools-give-most-merit-based-aid.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/63770-best-schools-give-most-merit-based-aid.html</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/211927-institutional-merit-based-scholarships-full-tuition.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/211927-institutional-merit-based-scholarships-full-tuition.html</a></p>
<p>I don’t think that you don’t have to make this decision today. Do some research and weigh your options. You still hold a lot of good cards.</p>
<p>I do feel as if I HAVE to make a decision right now, as if I am trapped in an hour glass and am quickly suffocating. I know this is just another step I will have to take in life, but to me it feels like a largely scary leap. I am currently going back through all of the posts and writing down options that seem feasible based on how well I know myself and personal capabilities and writing pros/cons for each. I will keep you updated.</p>
<p>As I mentioned, I have called Iowa and they cannot help me. I can only try to persuade my dad to accept the 19k tuition and perhaps take out a parent loan. I know little of parent loans…do you think he would accept this? Is this something parents generally like or do they stray away from loans and interest? He has also always said he will co-sign a loan for me, as that is what his father did for him.</p>
<p>I will also try to qualify for in-state tuition, as I can get tuition down to 10k after draining my money. However, I spoke to IA months ago about it and basically I need to ensure that a parent will claim me as dependent on 2009 IA tax returns…but they live here across the Pacific…so that won’t work.</p>
<p>I will apply to the FAU honors college tomorrow, as I couldn’t bring myself to do it today when I tried. I am completely undecided/knowledgeable about it, but it is better than nothing.</p>
<p>I also left a message for my GC, even though she was on leave most of the year, in hopes of having an actual calm adult help me work through this in person. I can’t do it alone.</p>
<p>It sounds silly, but I can’t help but be upset over all of the extensive work I did for my 6 college apps. Every move I’ve made since 9th grade has been “to get into a good college” (as I told everyone who made fun of my study skills). I did the AP classes, the honors, the studying; I started planning a year ago, spent months and tears and stress on applications, and finally “got into a good college.” 5 actually. And now…it is all frivolous if I attend a comm college. I could have slacked off and gotten a 3.5 GPA and 28 ACTS, and then done well in comm college. What was the point of the efforts?</p>
<p>I also don’t know how to approach my dad. He told me if he hears me complain or cry anymore, he will throw me out of the house. So how do I keep my happy facade and pleasantly interact with him and discuss college options when I feel completely battered on the inside? I take a step back and see how, in the past year, he continually pulled the rug out from under me, told me to suck it up and figure it out, and there was stupid me, picking up the pieces and trying to fix my life again and again and acting completely happy and serene about it again and again. It really is sickening. He doesn’t know what he is putting me through, as all he sees is me coming back to him each time with a smile on my face and a new plan to fix my life, and he acts like nothing is wrong in the world.</p>
<p>I am sorry for these posts, as I am sure many of you must be tired of reading my same long messages of despair. Please just hang in with me a little longer. I can honestly say that I would still be curled up on my floor crying if it wasn’t for all of you guys ready to help me yesterday. Thank you.</p>
<p>First of all, let me give you a hug. </p>
<p>You are a great girl and I see you have all the traits necessary for great success in adulthood. I wish I was as mature and as smart as you are at your age. </p>
<p>You have every right and reason to feel let down with your dad. He is unfair to you and let you down. </p>
<p>Don’t feel you wasted your hard work and effort in the past few years. What I can see is
you have the discipline, organization skills and drive to get into 6 very good schools, without much help. I know kids whose parents hired consultants to manage what you did without much support by yourself. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Ask yourself this, why are still you afraid of your dad ? That he will no longer support you in your goals ? But didn’t he just do that ? Didn’t he just pull the rug under you ? What else worse could he do to you ? Do you think he will really throw you out of the house ? </p>
<p>Children with unsupportive parents have to grow up very very fast, I am sorry to say.</p>
<p>I second the hug…</p>
<p>No, parents like your father do not “like” taking out Parent Plus loans. I don’t know if his main objection is issues about him providing money or about controlling you to stay close to home, but a Parent Plus loan is certain to exacerbate him on both of those fronts. To be honest, I don’t know why you want to keep poking at the angry (and unpredictable) badger in a hole that is your father with more talk about him taking out loans/paying money for your college. I think he’s been pretty clear with his actions that he is not going to be reliable and your best bet is to get out of the house and through college without his help.</p>
<p>As for co-signing a loan with you, he may withdraw that option suddenly as well, plus I doubt you would be able to gather enough funds via simply your own student loans.</p>
<p>Slow and steady. Redraft your dreams with your new reality. And if it can be done without your father, I think all the better for your mental health and future prospects. </p>
<p>Annika</p>
<p>Take a deep breath and realize that all those things you worked for in high school can still happen for you. You worked hard and did so well that there are schools that will provide you with the financial means to spend four years there without a bit of help from your dad. The kicker is that you probably have to wait one year of finding something else to do, hopefully out of your house and away from your dad’s negative impact, before those four years of college with enough financial aid begin. </p>
<p>Relying on your dad to sign for a loan or follow through on promises of funding has lead to so much heartache – I hope you’ll be able to pull away from this situation and not have to deal with his rage and his empty promises again. All of your hard work and academic successes in high school have put you in a very strong position when you apply to colleges that provide heavy duty financial aid for top students. </p>
<p>Do you have any other relatives you could possibly stay with this summer, perhaps because you find a job closer to where they live or some other reason that would get you out of your house without fireworks? Even if you could find something near your brother if he’s in Iowa for the summer, maybe that would be a better environment for you.</p>
<p>“It sounds silly, but I can’t help but be upset over all of the extensive work I did for my 6 college apps. Every move I’ve made since 9th grade has been “to get into a good college” (as I told everyone who made fun of my study skills). I did the AP classes, the honors, the studying; I started planning a year ago, spent months and tears and stress on applications, and finally “got into a good college.” 5 actually. And now…it is all frivolous if I attend a comm college. I could have slacked off and gotten a 3.5 GPA and 28 ACTS, and then done well in comm college. What was the point of the efforts?”</p>
<p>The point is that by studying so hard, you have learned lots more than if you had slacked. What you have learned and the study habits you developed can’t be taken from you even by your father. Your academic achievements also may qualify for merit aid at community colleges and 4-year colleges – though you may need to take a gap year to get that merit aid. Your high grades also may help you qualify for jobs at higher wages than if you had mediocre grades. Many employers – even for jobs just requiring a h.s. diploma – would prefer to hire students with high grades. The knowledge you learned also will make the academic work easier for you whatever college you go to, and you’ll be able to learn more from that experience – even if you’re at a community college. Professors tend to take more interest in students who come to the table with lots of knowledge and enthusiasm about learning.</p>
<p>Stop seeing community college as being worthless. There are excellent professors at such colleges – often better teachers and more dedicated to teaching than exist at 4-year colleges. They also may be more knowledgeable about their subjects than some professors at 4-year colleges. There also are many excellent, hard working students who attend community college for financial reasons.</p>
<p>There are good 4-year colleges that accept transfers from community colleges, including giving transfers financial aid.</p>
<p>Stop expecting anything from your dad. He hasn’t followed through before and it’s unlikely he’ll do so in the future. He is manipulative and seems to enjoy pulling the rug out from under you. Do whatever you need to do to forge your own way. Don’t expect him to give you the money he had put away for your college. Don’t expect him to co-sign loans. Find other ways to get yourself through college. It really is possible. I know students who’ve done so.</p>
<p>Northstarmom: With all due respect, I know that you are well intentioned, but I don’t see how your math works. Until she’s 24 or gets married, she can’t get need based aid. As long as Dad won’t pay or co-sign loans, she’s pretty much out of luck. Those are the rules to the best of my knowledge. Can you point to a single specific “good 4-year college” that awards full tuition merit aid to transfers. Just how much do you think she can afford to borrow on her own. I think to really help this young woman, we need to offer specific options where the math works all the way through to a degree. It sounds to me that at best case, her 529 plus loans that she can take out herself, gets her through 1 year. Maybe there needs to be a sticky thread in the FinAid section. “What are the best options when parents of means won’t pay or co-sign”. I know that you’re well intentioned, but this is a much more difficult problem and requires a long term plan. That’s why I think slower more carefully planned is better.</p>
<p>I also disagree that community college is a good option for someone this academically strong, but that’s my opinion, I really can’t back it up.</p>
<p>From the University of Pittsburgh</p>
<p>"A University of Pittsburgh academic scholarship is merit-based financial aid. All freshmen who file a complete admissions application by the suggested deadline, including all supporting documents, are automatically considered for an academic scholarship. Academic transcripts and SAT I or ACT scores, submitted with your Application for Admission, will determine your possible scholarship eligibility. However, we consider many aspects of a student’s credentials. Students engaged in a particularly challenging curriculum or attending a highly competitive high school will be given consideration when being evaluated for scholarships. A complete admissions application must be filed by January 15 for consideration. University of Pittsburgh academic scholarships may range in value from $2000 per year to full tuition and room and board. University of Pittsburgh academic scholarships are generally available for eight full time undergraduate terms, provided the recipient maintains a 3.0 GPA and meets all of the other terms and conditions of the specific award. For more complete information about requirements governing University of Pittsburgh academic scholarships click here.</p>
<p>Students will be considered for a University of Pittsburgh academic scholarship without regard to the results of the FAFSA.</p>
<h1>New transfer students are not eligible for University academic scholarships. Continuing students at the University of Pittsburgh who were not awarded a scholarship as an incoming freshman student are also not eligible to be considered for an academic scholarship."</h1>
<p>University of Alabama
"Presidential Scholar</p>
<h1>An out-of-state first-time freshman student who meets the December 1st scholarship priority deadline, has a 32-36 ACT or 1400-1600 SAT score and at least a 3.5 cumulative GPA will be selected as a Presidential Scholar and will receive the value of out-of-state tuition for four years. "</h1>
<p>I suggest adding others</p>
<p>“Northstarmom: With all due respect, I know that you are well intentioned, but I don’t see how your math works. Until she’s 24 or gets married, she can’t get need based aid”</p>
<p>There are 4-year public colleges in Florida that provide merit aid to in state residents who transfer from in state community colleges. There may be other public colleges that provide similar deals to community college transfers.</p>
<p>She also can get aid through sources like being in ROTC, if she’s willing to make that kind of commitment.</p>
<p>There also are some universities where her academic record may give her some major merit aid as a freshman. Some public universities in her home state may be possible for her if she takes a gap year.</p>
<p>OK, so let’s look at an example. </p>
<p>University of Florida: Instate cost of attendance $16,690. The transfer scholarships are $1000/yr. Where does the rest come from?</p>
<p>New College: If I read this in the most favorable light, the most they would give is $3500. </p>
<p>I still don’t see how this adds up.</p>
<p>More hugs to the OP.</p>
<p>While I am generally a fan of community colleges, in this situation, it seems that it would make the most sense for the OP to wait and then apply to four year colleges where a solid FA package for the full four years would be available. This way, she could be settled in one place for four years, without the anxiety of having to apply again as a transfer and wonder about whether she will get enough aid to make her junior and senior years possible. She will have a secure, financially predictable four years. I think that after what she’s been going through, having something reliable, predictable, safe and secure to see her into her early '20’s would be highly desirable.</p>
<p>There is another thread from a mother who found full rides for her children, and gives a ton of useful info on finding colleges that provide large FA packages for top students such as the OP. I’m having trouble finding the thread. If someone else knows where it is, could you please link to it here? It might be of assistance to the OP.</p>
<p>Whatever you do, jigfeet, don’t give up. Even if you spend the next four years fighting against your father’s ignorance, or controlling nature, or whatever it is. The immense pride you will feel at having made it work will stay with you the rest of your life, and you will pass it along to your children. I don’t have any easy answers for your situation, but I promise you that if you refuse to be discouraged, however difficult it gets, you will be happy.</p>
<p>"There is another thread from a mother who found full rides for her children, and gives a ton of useful info on finding colleges that provide large FA packages for top students such as the OP. I’m having trouble finding the thread. If someone else knows where it is, could you please link to it here? "</p>
<p>Gladly </p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/148852-what-ive-learned-about-full-ride-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/148852-what-ive-learned-about-full-ride-scholarships.html</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/291483-update-what-i-learned-about-free-ride-scholarships.html#post3485476[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/291483-update-what-i-learned-about-free-ride-scholarships.html#post3485476</a></p>
<p>Just FYI, a 32 ACT is around a 1410-1450 SAT, so that’s the list to work from.</p>
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<p>I don’t have personal experience of community college but I do think that a highly motivated, resourceful and smart student could get a lot out of even a bad community college.</p>
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<p>Okay, I understand and sympathize, but I cannot approve of this mentality that everything you did from 9th grade onwards was only worth it to get into college. The fact that you did not slack off and got a high GPA should count for more than just getting into a college. Did you perhaps learn something along the way too? English? Math? History? Science? Perhaps a foreign language?</p>
<p>It looks like the best approach would be to take a gap year, move to Iowa, get an apartment, try to get a job, and take a few courses in the community college while being careful not to take so many credits that it jeopardizes merit aid as an entering freshman. And that high GPA and ACT will help you get there- eventually.</p>
<p>any thoughts on new college of florida? its the honors college for the state. instate tuition is about 4K but with a 34 act you would qualify for merit of about 2500, then the 529 might pick up the rest, the housing is about 7K but maybe your father would consider in state and the last link here says floridas prepaid can cover dorm ?? only problem now would be it may be too late for this year for admission or merit.
[New</a> College of Florida](<a href=“http://www.ncf.edu/admissions]New”>Admissions & Aid - New College of Florida) admission page</p>
<p>[New</a> College of Florida](<a href=“http://www.ncf.edu/admissions/financial-aid/cost-of-attendance]New”>http://www.ncf.edu/admissions/financial-aid/cost-of-attendance) tuition page</p>
<p>[New</a> College of Florida](<a href=“http://www.ncf.edu/admissions/financial-aid/scholarships/in-state-student/scholarships-for-florida-freshman]New”>http://www.ncf.edu/admissions/financial-aid/scholarships/in-state-student/scholarships-for-florida-freshman) merit page</p>
<p>[New</a> College of Florida](<a href=“http://www.ncf.edu/campus-directory/administration/bussiness-office/student-account-information/florida-prepaid-college-program]New”>http://www.ncf.edu/campus-directory/administration/bussiness-office/student-account-information/florida-prepaid-college-program) florida prepaid tuition page</p>