Can anyone grade my essay plzz

<p>Prompt: if people are given more free time, will they be more creative.
Advocators of more free time campaign would argue that people nowadays need more leisure time to be more creative, since more free time would mean more periods to engage in active pursuits. However, examples from history, literature and current events has shown otherwise, creative thinkers do not need time to make an original idea.
First of all, a successful thinker is one who can make fresh judgments even under harsh or demanding condition. For instance, Albert Einstein was one of the most well known and influence thinker of his time. Despite having a short time budget, he could find free time between periods when he had meals, traveled on public transport or changed his clothes to ruminate on different topics of concern. It is said that Einstein often called home, asked his wife “where am I” because he was so deeply engrossed in his contemplation, resulting in the loss of conscience and direction. In some cases, he even forgot to wear his pants. Moreover, Bill Gates stated that he would give the most drudgery work to indolent worker since under time pressure, those people will be able to come up with the most original and unique approach to the problems. Thus we can see that less time does not necessarily undermine one’s ability to think, but often acts as impetus for unprecedented thinking.
Secondly, “practice makes perfect”, even the most brilliant, most original idea may not be the most practical when put into practice. The most unprecedented thinking can only be exuded from works. For instance, after a long time thinking of the most apropos material to contain his Nitro glycerin, Alfred Nobel came up with none. Only after a fortuitous event when he went outside with his brothers, he found mint to be the perfect restrain for his TNT. Only when he came outside and only when he attempted to use the mint did Nobel succeeded in his work. If he continued thinking, his success is highly dubious. Several studies also suggest that the most creative students are those who engaged in their class activities the most. Therefore, we can say that having more free time would not necessarily enhance one’s originality.
All in all, after examining the examples of Einstein and Nobel, we can conclude that if people work less, they will not necessarily be more involved in creative pursuit. A truly unique thinker would do well under demanding condition. </p>

<p>Can you tell me what I lack also plz, thanks :)</p>

<p>Hi! I really enjoyed reading your essay, and how you organized you paragraphs by IDEAS and not examples like I would usually do. You have some grammatical errors, such as “current events…has” that you might like to pay attention to because these are the errors that often show up on th writing MC.
I understood your second paragraph after reading it, but it would be a lot clearer if you connected your topic sentence to your thesis in the first place. For instance, you could have said:</p>

<p>“Secondly, creative and original ideas often do not come from hours and hours of thinking (this is the connection with the “time” part of your thesis), but actual practice.”</p>

<p>Thanks bro, I will take your advice :)</p>