<p>I know that I can look at the Collegeboard's sample essays,but I would prefer if a real human graded my essay.
Assignment: Can success be disastrous? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading,studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<pre><code> Sometimes people will stop at nothing to satisfy their goals and reach success. However, success is not always a good thing and can often be disastrous. For example, in Macbeth underlined Macbeth becomes king, but takes a dark path that proves to be disastrous. Another work is Dr Faustus*underlined*, in which Faustus seeks infinite knowledge, however, he loses his life.
Macbeth was a noble leader in King Duncan's army, but after hearing his future he becomes ambitious. Macbeth encounter three witches who make him aware that he will one day become king. However, Macbeth cannot wait and contemplates on killing Duncan and his sons. He successfully completes his plan and Macbeth becomes king, but is paranoid that Banquo might unveil his secret. Although, Macbeth became king he was never able to live peacefully because he achieved success through murder.
In addition, Faustus was a well respected and intelligent scholar, that is, until he start to crave more knowledge. He makes a pact with the devil to become a god with infinite knowledge in exchange for his soul. however, faustus uses his newly gained power for evil and completely forget that after a certain amount of years he had to go to the devil.An angel gives him various chances to repent and return to God, but Faustus choses to keep his powers. In the end, Faustus cannot enjoy his success because he is dragged to hell.
From Macbeth*underlined* and Dr Faustus*underlined* it is evident that success can be disastrous. It also depends on how success is achieved, in these cases it was through immoral actions. Macbeth and Faustus found out the hard way that success comes with consequences.
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<p>Please do not be afraid to be harsh or critical and I also don't work well under timed situations. Thanks!</p>
<p>I’d give it an 8/12, or 9/12. Leaning towards 9/12. </p>
<p>Try to make it longer, because if you make it fill the 2 pages, you <em>supposedly</em> automatically get a 10. to do that, for each body paragraph i’d use this simple format: explain, then relate.
As in first explain macbeth: “macbeth is a shakespearean play that is about…”.<br>
then relate: “this is relevant to success being disastrous because it is seen that…”</p>
<p>Thanks and do you mean the way I use it or my excessive use of “however”? I also have a problem with transition words because I always somehow keep repeating them.</p>
<p>I’d actually have to say 7 or 8/12. To be honest, it seemed like a very forced and elementary style of writing. The use of “however” has already been discussed and I personally believe that lack of real-life example is detrimental.</p>
<p>I took the SAT last year in march and got 12/12 on the essay. I did the classic:</p>
<p>Introduction
Example 1- book example
Example 2- contemporary real life example
Example 3- historical example
Conclusion</p>
<p>I filled two pages with absolute garbage about Alex Rodriguez and steroids and I got a 10, so I think that length is good. Make it as long as possible.</p>
<p>Please grade my second essay.
Q- Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?
In order for people to understand themselves they need to look at how other people act. Through other people’s mistakes and actions one can actually improve. For instance, the French Revolution was modeled after the American Revolution and in school I have improved intelectually from other students debacles.
France was financially unstable under King Louis XIV’s rule and the third estate wanted to have the same representation as the first and second estates. The third estate consisted of poor plebeians who were not satisfied with the unnecessary luxury of the king. Furthermore, France had also aided the US in their struggle for independence which worsened the French economy and after the US won, the third estate decided to topple the French monarchy. The peasants saw hope for themselves when they saw that a revolution could be successful. The French Revolution leaders even wrote their decleration of independence in a similar format as the American counterpart. One can see that the American Revolution inspired the French to revolt.
School can prove to be difficult for some to the extent that students give up on their grades. Upon entering high school I realized that many of my friends simply stopped trying to get good grades. They would stay up late watching television instead of doing homework or my friends would not pay attention in class. In the end, when report card day came their grades were incredibly low, while my grades were in the 90s. I learned from their actions not to give up when school became stressful , but to push myself to study and do my homework.And as a result, my grades were better than my friend’s grades.
One can see that through other people’s actions and mistakes one can improve. I understood myself by looking at my friends. On the other hand, the French justified their revolution by modeling it after the American Revolution.</p>
<p>Good start, I recommend you add something more to the intro, like “Without other people around, there is no ‘measuring stick’ to gauge your understanding of yourself” or some other sentenece in the intro. Usually my intros were at least a quarter of the lines on the essay sheet.</p>
<p>I suggest making yoru writing in paragraph form, you seem to have the essay all in 2 paragraphs. In addition, be sure to restate your thesis at the end of both of your body paragraphs.</p>
<p>I. Intro
II. First Example
III. Second Example
IIII. Conclusion</p>
<p>I read all the time about people saying “do 3 examples.” However, I’ve gotten 2 12’s so far while using 2 solid examples for both of my essay prompts. I feel that 2 is better than 3 because 2 means that i have to think of 1 less thing to write about. Thinking MORE about something I already know is better to me than trying to think of how something else relates to a prompt.</p>