Can u grade my essay? ^_^

<p>i'm working on the SAT essay these days, and i'm going to take the test next saturday.OMG! so can u help me? just grade it as u think and give me some comments.APPRECIATED!!</p>

<p>Topic: are there benefits to be gained from avoiding the use of modern technology, even when using it would make life easier?</p>

<p>“Every coin has two sides” may be a trite saying, but it holds amount of truths. Although technological advances have benefited one in some minor ways, they have brought one bad influences. In fact, technology just makes life easier instead of making it better. Honestly, one can gain a lot both mentally and physically from not using technology.</p>

<p>At the same time technological advances enable all kind of people to join together as a big family, it also removed their unique identities. Standing on the street, one can see people walking around with similar outlooks. Last year, when my friends and I went to the mall looking for our prom dresses, we disappointingly found dress by dress with identical styles decorated with patterns alike. People are losing their creativity as well as their own characteristics as technology developed. If the technology was not as advanced as it is now, people would have to use their own mind to create their own dress instead of simply going to buy one and they would have to figure out their unique ways to connect with others. Thus, each one would be creative and carries his or her identity.</p>

<p>On the other aspect, with regards to more serious matters, technological advances are harming people physically. Pollution, for instance, has negatively affected people’s health since the use of modern technology started. Many people tried to keep themselves away from the negative effect caused by pollution by moving from cities to urban, especially people worked in main cities like New York and London. However, the harm influences caused by pollution have not been reduced. SARS, swan flu, H1N1 and many other new appeared diseases continually emerged killing thousands of people. Considering those dreadful effects caused by technological advances, people probably should have avoid using them in order to at least maintain healthy. Caught in more kind of diseases and more ill people, the use of modern technology should be avoided to gain benefits for human beings’ health.</p>

<p>Consequently, one can view technology as a sweet treat. It is like a cookie that immediately satisfies hunger. However, the cookie will only cause poor health. Similarly, technological advances appear to be convenience and even beneficial, but they could only holds negative effects for people. In this way, avoiding the use of them will benefit human beings mentally as well as physically.</p>

<p>I’d give it a 10.
Your essay flows pretty well. Try sprinkling it with some SAT words though.</p>

<p>I would give you 10.
Your introduction is amazing and very interesting but you should have developed your point of view more obviously</p>

<p>Your body paragraphs are well-developed.</p>

<p>Your style is intersting BUT you took the sentence below from one of the sample essays in the BB: first edition. I saw that sentence and I liked it but you should develop your own because your style is already well-developed.</p>

<p>“It is like a cookie that immediately satisfies hunger. However, the cookie will only cause poor health.”</p>

<p>Good Luck.</p>

<p>I have learnt this introduction somewhere “may be a trite saying” and about that reference to cookies. I feel that we learn by imitating but since the ideas were not new, they did not facinate?</p>

<p>Anyhow, I would give it 10.</p>

<p>While I am not an SAT grader, everything I have read about the essay is that you are instructed to choose one side or the other, and argue it persuasively. This is a bit of a “both are true” design, and it prevents you from going into any real depth, given the length and time constraints.</p>

<p>Part of mastering the SAT is figuring out what they are looking for, and while this essay is technically strong, I am not sure this is what their grading rubric rewards.</p>

Wich SAT is this one? Need a quick answer please. Thanks