Can you please grad this practice essay.

<p>"Do people expect too much out of public figures?"</p>

<pre><code> As election season rolls around, swarms of people gather to support and back up their candidate. Issues such as taxes, abortion, and war sway people into choosing who they believe is a rightful leader. However, these recurring issues never seem to get resolved regardless of who wins an election. The reason for this is quite simple. We, as mainstream society, expect too much from public figures. Because we are unable to solve our own problems we place the burden on public figures and politicians.
More than 60 years later, the world still remains in shock as to how Adolfe Hitler came to power. Some find it incredibly hard to believe that he was in fact voted into office. The rise of Nazi Germany is a clear example of how society expects too much from public figures. Do to heavy debt from the first World War and bank failures the economic status of Germany was in ruin. Because they were unable to see their own involvments in the crisis, the German people sought to Hitler for help. Hitler was able to fix the financial crisis however at the expense of 11 million lives.
As I sit in my history class I can't help myself from overhearing the voice of dissent from my classmates. Constantly I hear my pupils complain about Presidant Bush and how he is "ruining America." Though I do not label myself as a republican I can conclude that my classmates, along with a good portion of America, expects too much from our president. People desire an end to the war, a cure to our financial crisis, and a rapid improvment in our public education. However, it is ridiculous and down right ignorant to believe that one man can solve all of our problems. In reality, it is the people of our nation who ultimatly have the power to resolve these problems.
With a new president in office our country generaly aggrees that a change is near. Once again though we are choosing to demand too much from a public figure. Though a public figure represents the whole population only we are able to solve society's issues. We as the general population must learn that no one man no matter how famous, how rich, or or powerful he is, he is incapable of solving everyone's problems. One must look deep inside his own heart and find a solution for himself.
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<p>just a few minor mistakes... 5...</p>

<p>Decent start. Many spelling and grammatical errors and some redundancies; also some inaccuracies; finally, some generalizations that need some substance:</p>

<p>Title: "public figures" should be "public officials." The term "public figures" includes movie stars, well known sports figures, etc. Public officials is the term you need.</p>

<p>First Paragraph:</p>

<p>1st sentence: "support and back up their candidate"; the word "up" is not needed and support and back mean the same thing, should just say "support their candidate." 2d sentence: "into choosing who they believe" is incorrect, it should be "whom." 3d sentence: "quite simple" should be just "simple"; the word "quite" adds no additional meaning. 4th sentence at the end "public figures and politicians" should just be "public officials" because your whole essay does not deal with other public figures who could well be movie stars and we certainly do not look to them to solve our problems.</p>

<p>2d paragraph:</p>

<p>1st sentence: slight sense problem with opening phrase in that more than 60 years later could go to "remain in shock" or "came to power." Sentence is better as "The world still remains in shock as to how Adolf Hitler came to power 76 years ago." Also, Adolf has no e on the end. 2d sentence: "incredibly hard" should be just "hard" as "incredibly" adds a useless adverb; also, remove "in fact" from "in fact voted"; "in fact" is just an unnecessary additional phrase. Also, you need to check your history. I do not believe Hitler was ever "voted" into any office. He was appointed Chancellor by President Hindenburg in January 1933. When Hindenburg died, Hitler did away with the office of president and assumed all powers as Chancellor. The only time I believe Hitler ran for an office that was voted on was for President in 1932 and he lost. 3d sentence: "public figures" should be "public officials." 4th sentence: "Do" should be "Due," there should be a comma after "failures," and "economic status" should be "economy." 5th sentence: "involvments" should be "involvement"; "sought to" is incorrect and should be "looked to"; you cannot "sought to" a person. 6th sentence: I do not believe Hitler actually fixed the economy but that is subject to dispute; also you can "fix the economy" or "solve the financial crisis" but "fix the financial crisis" is not correct; you solve crises, you do not fix them; "however" should be "but"; also I question whether fixing the economy had anything to do with the loss of lives.</p>

<p>3d paragraph: </p>

<p>1st sentence: you need a comma after "class"; 2d sentence: "pupils" should be "classmates" or some other reference to classmates; "when one refers to "my pupils," you better be the teacher because that is the only person who would call them "my pupils." 3d sentence: remove the "as" from the first phrase as it is redundant; also, you need a comma after "republican"; "expects" should have no "s" on the end since the verb goes to "classmates" who may "expect" but not "expects"; 4th sentence: "improvment" is "improvement"; 5th sentence: "ridiculous and down right ignorant" seems more name calling than a proper criticism, probably should just say "it is folly to believe"; 6th sentence: statement is fine but it just raises a question you do not address and it is one the reader will ask: why or how do the people have the power to resolve these problems. In other words, you make a generalization but don't go to the next step of explaining why or how it can be done; also, "ultimatly" should be "ultimately."</p>

<p>Last paragraph: </p>

<p>1st sentence: remove "in office" from opening phrase; a "oresident" is someone in office so saying "in office" is redundant; also, after removing in office put a comma after president to break the introductory phrase from the rest of the sentence; "aggrees" should be "agree"; 2d sentence: "though" is not really necessary but if you use it you need a comma directly before and after "though"; "public figure" should be "public official"; 3d sentence: again "public official"; comma after "population"; also sentence does same as mentioned above -- you generalize that we can solve issues but provide no explanation as to how; 4th sentence: need a comma after "no one man"; strike one "or in "or or."</p>

<p>This essay would get an 8/12.</p>

<p>^ definitely like an 8.</p>

<p>there is no way that this essay is a 5. my brother wrote a paragraph for his SAT essay and got a 4. </p>

<p>CC is so harsh.</p>