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I love to hear from him and be assured that he chose a college that works well for him, that he is busy and happy, and to have a chance to remind him that his little sister would like an opportunity to update him on some events in her life. Is that really so awful and inexcusable?</p>
<p>He has made three brief calls in the almost-two weeks since we left him at college.
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<p>midmo Three calls in less that 14 days is deprivation? Wouldn't you agree that if your S is "busy" doing his job (college), as you want him to be, he would naturally call fairly infrequently? I mean when an adult is really busy at her job, I doubt you'd criticize her if she didn't make personal calls. Why doesn't little sister call him?</p>
<p>frazzled1 -- the halcyon era of child-rearing was better but not perfect. There were helicopters then. Freshman year at Emory in 1968, a boy in the freshman dorm hung himself by a belt from his dorm door rather than go home for X-mas. </p>
<p>When they interviewed us on the hall when school resumed after the holiday, we all recalled that his parents called him twice every day, he hated the calls and that he told his roommate that they always demanded that he be studying because he was their first to go to college and he'd best not be wasting their money. </p>
<p>Hey, those calls we make to OUR student, they are harmless, right?</p>
<p>Also, I'm not sure that really all that many parents did reject the "core" of how they were raised. Although it seems to be a fixation with certain aspects of the media, in my real world experience most parents don't try to be their child's "buddy." And I know of very few dads who are constantly hooked to a cellular umbilical cord with their college sons. </p>
<p>I did "walk the walk." I felt that my father was absent too much of the time on his career. So, when S was born I withdrew from a partnership and practiced my profession solo. That way I was able to attend some of his functions, be a chaperon on the math club trips etc. But I continued to have my relationship with adults (my wife, personal friends and business associates) and did not become his "buddy" or substitute his life for mine.</p>
<p>I told my S early on that school was his job and that his privileges turned on doing his job well w/out the parents having to ride herd on him. He took the challenge and thrived. I told him that he had to obey the rules of the school (he attended private all boys school) or he would suffer the consequences that the school decided. There was "an incident" his 9th grade year. He came to me, told me what had happened (he had clearly done something not allowed under the rules) and I discussed with him that absolute candor was the only acceptable course even if he got severly punished or expelled. He did handle it with the truth and learned from the experience. I did not take his side like a pal or buddy, rather I parented.</p>
<p>I made him find a way to pay for his insurance and gasoline, just like I had. He not only did it, but he saved money that he now uses for things that he wants to do that are not within my financial commitment to college. By the way, as my father had done with me, any money I made I could spend on what I wanted (so long as it was legal) w/out parental OK.</p>
<p>My S wanted to visit GF and her family in NY for Thanksgiving his senior year in HS. We had rented a large house in the Texas Hill country for a get together with W's side of the family. S went to NY w/out "grief tax" but he had to pay his way.</p>
<p>I got on a plane in 1968 with 2 suitcases and flew 800 to college where I got a taxi and moved myself into the dorm. My S asked me if I'd drive him the 730 miles to college. I did it and am glad for the shared time. But, no one made lists, went shopping and packed for S. I told him to make his own list, give me an estimate and I'd include a reasonable amount in the financial commitment. He did and it worked. Very similar to my up-bring.</p>
<p>My parents had nil input on college selection other than my dad set a financial commitment limit. I didn't whine or argue. I just found a school that fit within his limits and that I thought I'd like. My S used his GC and I provided all the answers to the parent questionaire and attended the one scheduled face-to-face meeting with the GC and parents. My S found a school that turned out to be a great fit for him. Very much like my experience.</p>
<p>I wrote letters home (infrequently). I called 2 times a month. My S and I agreed that a call a week seemed to work. We also agreed that emails should be used for pleasantries, not to require information, make reminders etc. We have done that. It works. Since he has only been at school going on 2 weeks, we have had one phone call. We should talk tonight.</p>
<p>S went to summer camp. Letters were the only form of communication possible, per the rules of the camp. If you are a parent and have ever received a letter from your S, I think you will agree it beats a phone call hands down. If you are really lucky the letter is revealing in a way a call is not. I still have those letters.</p>
<p>My S's b-day is this week. I sent cards with a hand written personal message. My birthday is later this month. When my S asks tonight on the phone what I want, I'm going to tell him a letter from him.</p>
<p>GET OFF those phones.</p>