<p>I agree that letter writing may help. It might help your parents not to keep calling you if there’s a nice newsy letter they could reread instead.</p>
<p>My older S created a blog for H and I to follow. That might be an idea you could use.</p>
<p>As painful as it may be, your job as a parent is to raise them and them let them go.</p>
<p>I just wanted to say that I think that you should model HONEST and KIND behavior with reasonable boundaries with your parents. No drama, no exaggeration. (So now apparently she wasn’t actually dragged away kicking and screaming??) </p>
<p>At first, I would establish a time at which you will call them every day–say during a half hour range some time in the late afternoon or early evening–and stick to it. Do not “taper” them off by lying and “forgetting” to call. That just throws the situation into a state of uncertainty and models manipulation, exacerbating their insecurity. You can let calls at other times go to voice mail.</p>
<p>If you want to teach them to text you, that’s fine–but then make sure you indicate that you got their texts in a reasonably prompt manner. Texting back “wave” or “thanks” would be fine, unless they are asking you a real question that actually needs an answer. If they text 3 times in an hour, you don’t have to respond to every one separately, but don’t let them drop into a black hole, or they’ll stop texting and start calling. Establishing some kind of expectation with them, such as “If you text, I will let you know I got it within 5 hours or so, unless it’s at night and I’m sleeping. I may not be able to read it or respond right away if, for example, if I am in class or studying.” </p>
<p>Letters and/or a blog are fine–the latter only if you are up for maintaining it. I think it might easily become a burden. And I think either would be only a supplement for your parents at first.</p>
<p>After a few months of limited but reliable contact, they may be ready for tapering–but I would strongly urge you to be up front about it and again establish a schedule and stick to it. </p>
<p>BTW, lots of adults call their parents every day or every week just to chat. Lots of adults visit their parents every day. That isn’t neurotic. Calling at 4 AM on a work day is.</p>
<p>And you might want to consider Skype with a web cam. Seeing you as well as hearing you will help them a lot.</p>
<p>This whole conversation reminds me of an episode of Oprah I saw on which Aishwarya Rai and her husband appeared. Oprah said, “So, you live with your parents? How does that work out?” He replied, “So, you don’t live with your parents? How does that work out?” Then they had an interesting conversation about it, and about differing expectations. But he made his point. Nicely.</p>
<p>Your problem will be solved when you go away to college next fall. It is reasonable to set up a once weekly day, say Sunday, when you promise to try to call. Otherwise you have control of your phone. It is easy to ignore parents once you are away from them. You could also send a weekly email. DO NOT GET IN THE HABIT OF DAILY CONTACT. You do not have to respond to their frequent calls/emails. You say they are both HS teachers- get their/your school guidance counselors to talk to them about this issue. Perhaps their peers can help them.</p>
<p>Hang in there until next fall. A good thing about going away to college is leaving parents behind. They can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. Be evasive, but don’t lie or make any promises. I learned this from my college son- he has voice mail on his cell phone and emails can be ignored. You will control your life. You may even tell them it is best not to call home more than once per week for the first month according to experts as you need to wean yourself from home to make the best college adjustment (no need to say who the experts are, if pushed give them the book mentioned)- do this once you are safely gone from home next fall. Don’t let them get into the habit of talking to you on a frequent basis when you are gone.</p>
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<p>My Dad is from a large family and when my uncle came home on leave, he got out of the cab and threw open the front door…only to find no one home and all new furniture. He quickly figured out that they had moved, asked a neighbor and walked over to the new house. He has never, ever let anyone forget that story. My grandmother still claims there was a letter that he didn’t get telling him about it!</p>
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<p>buriedalie: I hope that you can sift through some of this advice and separate the wheat from the chaff. This is exceedingly poor advice - don’t be evasive with your parents and don’t look at them as “people you need to get away from.” </p>
<p>After you go away to college, you should start to establish a more mature relationship with your parents, but this should evolve gradually. There will be a time when they don’t know every detail of your day, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t want to continue a close relationship with them. From my perspective in middle age, I still wish I could call my late mother to share my day with her and ask for her advice about a problem or issue I might be having.</p>