College App Essay #1- Reviews please?!

College Essays
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<p>The prompt for the first essay is: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.</p>

<p>I would love for someone to proof read my essay, or even to just read it and tell me what they think. Please tell me if you would like to below!</p>

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<p>Oops, I meant Common APP.</p>

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<p>Too much describing. Your ending paragraph only tells, but doesn’t show HOW dance has affected u In your life. Shorten the describing, make your last paragraph much more longer.</p>

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<p>Okay, thanks! I’ll try to remove some stuff and add more to the last paragraph without going over the word count… It’s at 649 words :(</p>