<p>Sure, lots of kids settle in and do fine. But some don’t. The OP has given NO information on what made her D unhappy at orientation or what other options her D had that she turned down. Why force the kid to go through with it without at least exploring options? The cost of giving up the deposit is a few hundred dollars at this point. If the kid does transfer, she could lose any merit aid options she had as a freshman and get worse need based aid. Transferring isn’t “free”. But asking questions and exploring options when you are still two months prior to the start of the fall semester is.</p>
<p>Hey OP, I’m a college sophomore and here’s my take on it. </p>
<p>Let her ride it out and suggest she tries to stay the full year. I was excited to leave but when I went to my overnight visit and my orientation I was not sure about going. However, I did. My first semester was rough, I didn’t get involved and my social life really took a hit. My second semester I forced myself to get involved and I am beyond sure that my school is the school I needed to end up in. Tell her that you will support the transfer, but, for the most part fall transfers are much easier to adjust than a spring transfer. Have her get involved in her major or even with admissions. At my school, there is a club that works close with admissions to recruit incoming students. Through this club opened me up to a lot of information about the school I didn’t even know. Like the fact that my school has Plan B at a lowered price, there are cubicle rentals available in the library, the student center is open until like 4 and there are expert tutors for all 127 majors offered at my school, it really made me appreciate the school much more. </p>
<p>Oh this happened to me when I went to orientation. I loved my school choice, however I was (and am) generally a serious person, abide by the rules, wasn’t into drinking (still don’t drink much), wasn’t a partier, etc. I unfortunately had two orientation leaders who thought it would be more fun to throw the program they were supposed to follow out the window and instead filled us in on where to find the best parties, how to sneak booze into football games, generally how to break rules and get away with it. I became more and more uncomfortable. By the end of orientation I was beside myself, told my parents I’d made the wrong choice, was so upset. I did tell my parents what happened and they assured me I’d find kids I had things in common with and it would be ok. They were right. I loved my school, found where I fit and friends I had common interests with, etc. I was sure to write a scathing review of my orientation leaders as well. </p>
<p>Perhaps she was exposed to some behavior that made her uncomfortable. If it’s presented like - this is how everyone here is - she could now have doubts because of that.</p>
<p>@intparent, I don’t see why a student who feels she completely bungled her college choice should be encouraged to abandon that choice and leap to another school at the last minute with no better basis for that selection than she had for the first one. After a semester at her current school, she will have a firmer idea about what she does and doesn’t want in a college and will be able to make an intelligent choice about staying or leaving. To allow a student to bail based on a few days of orientation would be poor parenting. Either she’ll adjust to the school or she’ll decide to transfer. In the meantime, she’ll have learned the important lesson that you may have to make the best of a less then perfect situation and that one way or the other, you’ll survive just fine. (I say all this as a parent whose kid transferred after one year from an urban university to a suburban LAC. He didn’t like his first school, but during that year he learned an awful lot about the college experience and about what he was looking for in life.)</p>
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<p>If she has any merit money, she will lose it if she moves later (can sometimes still be an option if she calls now). Some colleges give worse need-based aid to transfers as well. It isn’t poor parenting to LISTEN to your kids and see if they have rational reasons. I don’t get a sense that is going on here… Why does the parent think she has more info than the kid who attended a couple of days of orientation?</p>
<p>Let’s remember, the Op tells us the D is quite willing to go the first yr, THEN look to transfer. I say, let that plan remain in effect, and maybe near the end of the yr D will know better why to go, or why to stay.</p>
<p>If the D agrees that she will give the school a chance for a year there seems to be little downside to letting her enroll. What are the alternatives at this late date besides a gap year? If it were one of my own children I would support trying the school for a year but letting my child know that they are free to apply to other schools in the upcoming year. I would let my child drive that application process which in my mind would measure just how unhappy they are at the current school.</p>
<p>I too hated orientation and actually left it early. It felt too much like summer camp to me. It did not color my opinion of the entire school however. I lived on campus for a semester and 2 weeks–and then moved out with the Dean 's help. Way too much drinking and playing jokes on the freshmen. I had to live at home for the rest of freshman year but I got my own apartment in the fall. I did graduate from that school. Maybe a change in housing will help her settle in if she really dislikes dorm life. </p>
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Because a parent has significantly more life experience and knows that a negative reaction to a brief orientation experience, an experience that does not reflect day-to-day college life, is not a reasonable basis for bailing on a school that the kid had previously investigated and found to be a good match. Because a parent can recognize when a child is reacting with emotion instead of reason. Because it’s a parent’s job to put the brakes on impulsive actions by offspring who have not yet fully matured. The alternatives here are either an gap year or a hasty decision to attend another school that still has openings and may not be any more appropriate for the student. I wouldn’t offer either option to my kid.</p>