<p>My stepson was the valedictorian of his HS class and made a nearly perfect score on his SAT. He's finished 2 grading periods at a top 10 school and has a 3.0 GPA. </p>
<p>When he was in high school, he didn't study much, played video games much of the time, and made As. Now that he's in college, he doesn't study much, plays video games much of the time, and makes Bs. </p>
<p>If he were trying his best and making Bs, we'd be fine with that. We understand that not all straight A HS kids are going to make As in college. We planned, then, to talk about the video games...he acknowledges they're a problem and says he'll try to do better (but tells his little brother that he probably won't be able to stay away from them). </p>
<p>He told us today that he thinks the real problem is that he never learned how to study in high school. We're still going to address the video game issue but any ideas on his comments? </p>
<p>I made straight Bs my second semester of freshman year and that was motivation in itself to figure out that I needed to devote more time to school. Barring the internet going down at his school and thus making that video game inaccessible, I don't know that he's going to motivate himself to do better. </p>
<p>This is probably very frustrating and disappointing, but I think you answered your own question.</p>
<p>"I made straight Bs my second semester of freshman year and that was motivation in itself to figure out that I needed to devote more time to school."</p>
<p>It just takes longer for some than for others. At this point, I'd express mild disappointment, since that's your honest feeling, but I'd leave it at that. Believe me, he knows how to get As - he just chooses not to.
I imagine that there is some social aspect to the game playing that is important to him. I'd let it go, and let him deal with it.
(Now, if he's in danger of flunking out, it would be time for "the talk."</p>
<p>Sorry... but why is it that you have a problem with his grades? He's doing fine, seems happy, learning lots? If the answer is yes, what is the problem? Not everybody has to work at their full potential all the time. Ease off a little....</p>
<p>Ha Ha, I definetly have a motivation factor problem now. In my hs classes I am content to get the B. Even though mny actual test scores are higher I just don't care about the busywork anymore</p>
<p>If he does not know how to study, and truly wants to learn how to study, and you want to help him, look into some study skills programs over the summer. Community colleges often have some, and taken with a tough course can provide additional reinforcement with the concepts taught. </p>
<p>My son learned a lot from a summer of working full time plus and taking two evening courses at community/local state college for two short summer terms, a necessity from bombing a course during his school year and getting a D on another. One important thing he learned was that he did not want to repeat this sort of summer. Now , I doubt a B student who is satisfied is going to be as easy to jump start; it's like trying to lose the last 5 pounds on a diet.</p>
<p>Anxiousmom, We have a problem with the videogames not so much the grades. He doesn't attend class v. often because it interferes with his gameplaying, the video games aren't played with kids at school but on his computer-over the internet-with his high school friends and little brother, and therefore he doesn't seem to have made many friends at school so it's not as if he's benefitting from the social aspect of school. We were supportive after the first grades--good job, transitions are hard, etc. (And he took all AP courses in high school...it's not like it was an easy schedule). I guess I suspect the "I don't know how to study" is code for "don't get mad about the videogames." But on the off chance he truly is floundering a bit, just wanted to get some thoughts about what role we could play as parents in steering him in the right direction.</p>
<p>What if he were "drinking beers in his room and not attending class?" These games are his drug of choice and is it stunting his college experience.</p>
<p>He probably needs to force himself off them.</p>
<p>His lack of engagement is what would worry me. Sounds as if that might be a topic for talk, without making the focus so much on grades, except as a symptom. Maybe asking him about his friends there, about what he likes or doesn't like at the school, about what he's reading and whether any of it is interesting, what he thinks of his professors, any thoughts on what he might choose as a major, etc. Like cookiemom, I'd listen to his answers and try to gauge whether or not he is depressed.
Expressions of concern may be more welcome than expressions of disapproval. It's tricky, cause the kids pick up on the disapproval. But even if he joined a video gaming club, it would sound healthier than the situation you've described.</p>
<p>What I don't like about video games is that is a loner activity to a degree. I would think a college kid would be too busy doing other things. The grades are fine, its the game playing that he says he can't stay away from that would bother me more.</p>
<p>College is a time of growing and exploring and getting out into the world, not cocooning with video games.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters. If he were really busy doing all kinds of stuff, and was getting B's it would be more reasonable. There is something else going on.</p>
<p>Video games seem to be a recurring theme in stories of boys who have </p>
<p>1) a social network but problems with underachievement, </p>
<p>or </p>
<p>2) reasonable academic achievement but social isolation. </p>
<p>Most parents I know locally desire that their children BOTH have a good network of friends and do well in using their abilities to become self-sufficient and able to solve some of society's many problems. Agreeing with the goals of those local friends, I am a little more tough on my kids than most of the local parents in severely limiting the time my kids spend playing online games. (They get some game time in at neighbors' houses and occasionally at the public library [sigh] but not much at home.) </p>
<p>Once upon a time heroin was as readily available in the United States as video games now are. Some people didn't harm themselves with heroin, but enough did that now there are laws severely restricting the distribution of heroin and somewhat reducing its real-world availability. Maybe video games aren't THAT harmful, but maybe people have to decide one family at a time what is worthwhile for the children in their care.</p>
<p>The difficulty I have with studying is location. My freshman year I didn't think I knew how to study either, but the problem was really that I got distracted too easily.
At home, in high school, I never found a good place to focus, and I didn't need to work very hard to get good grades. I didn't even realize it was an issue until this year. Now I force myself to go to the library or a study lounge to get away from the things that distract me... mainly the internet and my hallmates.
Encourage your stepson to take an easy first step and make a move from his room to the library or somewhere more study oriented. The long walk TO the library may be tough, but the idea of a long walk BACK will keep him there, away from the distractions of video games.</p>
<p>I don't know what to say about video games. We did not have them when the older ones were home. But S1 took to them the instant he was introduced. Great hand eye coordination, and better than normal vision made him a wiz at many of the games. I know they took up more of his time than they should have and suspect they were part of the issue with his gpa which was not a 3.0. Now S2 has fooled around some with the games but he just did not take to them, whereas S3 is attracted. So I guess it is like a high from alcohol or drugs and some kids are just more susceptible than others. </p>
<p>I also noticed many more tvs in rooms, dorms, lounges than when I was in college. If you wanted to watch tv in my day, there was one set in the student center which was quite a distance from the dorms, library, reading rooms. Now colleges have cable hookups in every dorm room.<br>
So TV addicts are also at risk. The drugs, sex, alcohol are not the only distractions from studies.</p>
<p>is your stepson addicted to video games generally, or is it one particular game? If it's one particular game, maybe it will burn itself out and he'll lose interest. My son wasted huge amounts of time on several games, but would eventually grow tired of them.</p>
<p>Video games per se don't bother me. It's the isolation described here.</p>
<p>We actually bought our son a game system early in high school, thinking it would help his social life. It did -- he took it to friends' houses or they came here to play games they didn't have at home. At the end of high school, a lot of the boys would get together for halo parties. And, sure, he'd sometimes play online late at night, though often a friend would be online with him, But that's different from playing only with anonymous others on line or with younger siblings. Surely there are other students at college addicted to video games and yet the young man described here hasn't connected with them. He's skipping classes to be alone in his room. That's what is of concern.</p>
<p>If he wasn't playing video games do you think he would then be working? or would he just be doing something else instead.</p>
<p>Video games are not necessarily anti-social. If he's playing them with high school friends, then he's basically hanging out with them right? Since he can't do things with them in real life. Many people lose contact with everyone or almost everyone from high school, and it seems he's keeping in touch with them. To meet more people involved in that at his school, maybe he should look at the sci fi club, but I don't really see the difference in playing with people and school and playing with people at home. Because he dosen't know the people he is playing with in real life, does not mean that he doesn't know them as online personalities, and it is possible that he has become friends with them as well.</p>
<p>Skipping class is a problem, but the only way that will change is when he decides it's important for him to be in class, and make the effort to go. My first year at school is almost done, and I have never missed a class unintentionally. Classes that I missed, I made a conscious effort to go back to sleep instead of getting up. First semester I didn't do as well as I wanted, but around average for the 1st semester at my school, and this semester I only missed 1 class.</p>
<p>I recently brought back some older computer games that I've started to play with people at school, and it's enjoyable, just as it would be if I was playing them with people at home. I don't do very much work at all. I work when it comes to crunch time, but I can't work before that. Some people study everyday for hours, but I just can't make myself do that. I go to more classes, but I don't work more outside of class. That said, he's probably getting better grades then some people who go to all the classes.</p>