By the way, I was bullied really badly all throughout middle school and high school so due to that I have trust issues and a hard time opening up to people.
I just want to give OP a hug… since my wife literally grew up on Bard’s campus, it was the first school we toured about two years ago. Both of our twin daughters wrote it off immediately due to the rather rural setting, even though they are both about to settle on small LACs. It seemed like a great place for very self directed, extroverted kids. In our case that might have been a challenge. That being said, I’ve also heard it’s a very nurturing environment - so obviously there’s more to the story.
In any case, I never would have expected the rudeness or outright disdain some students have directed at OP. My worry for my kids is that they won’t find a core group of friends that will ease their transition into the next phase of their development. I’m sure the school administrators would be very concerned about the experiences of this young woman - and deservedly so.
It’s not that nurturing though. it’s very individualistic and there isn’t much community or organization of events on campus.
I feel for you, OP, and would also suggest that you consider a transfer. I have heard many things over the years about the lack of community at Bard, and that is why my oldest did not explore it —even though it seemed like it might have been a good fit in other ways. As for your issues with anxiety and depression, I have a little more experience in that area than I’d like. I would encourage you to try therapy again; like with college, it can be hard to find the right fit — but when (not if!) you do, the benefits can be tremendous. And one last point, it may be harder in general to find “your people” as an introvert, and even harder yet when you are in an environment that is not quite right. However, I know several students with similar struggles who absolutely blossomed after making a change. I applaud you for knowing yourself and for reaching out. Big hugs to you!!!
i know a student who wanted to transfer out of Bard during her first year. Ultimately she stayed and has enjoyed her time. What she did was enter the substance-free housing. That seemed to solve the drug-use issues of her roommate which was making her miserable and she found like-minded people. Maybe this is a place to start?
When touring Bard we were blown away by the beauty of the campus and the offerings. Unfortunately we also picked up on an artiste, trying-too-hard poser vibe among some of the students. Things like art students padding around campus with pants covered in paint. This turned off my child who attends an arts high school and NO one walks around school covered in paint. It just seemed oddly attention-getting.
Vassar and Wesleyan are arty without quite so much pretension. You might consider transfer to one of those schools. You also might want to consider Mt. Holyoke or Bryn Mawr – both have arts, are intellectually oriented, and don’t seem pretentious to me, but rather friendly in outlook. Barnard is in NYC and has access to all kinds of people who have a large variety of interests. Another friendly arty campus is Muhlenberg. I’ve heard good things about Goucher, but the academics might not be as high as you like. Another larger campus with arts and spirit and a reputation for having fun is Syracuse. You might be surprised by what you find there. Lots of school spirit, plenty of fun, nice down-to-earth people, plenty of different kinds of people.
I get that most students at Bard aren’t touchy-feely and have certain interests, but what bothers me is how cliquey and off-putting people are. If you say hi to someone they’ll look at you like you have three eyes but not say anything back. The cliquey aspects are annoying too and quite honestly it makes me feel like I’m back in Middle School which was one of the worst times of my life. Luckily, I’m very happy with my professors, classes, and advisors and people have told me that while friends come and go, a good education will stay with you for the rest of your life. I’m trying to be proactive and grow a thicker skin but it’s easier said than done. I’m also hoping to start therapy again because everyone keeps telling me that even if its hard and painful in the beginning I will eventually see progress.
My D1 was considering Bard for piano & science. She’s pretty introverted but loved the campus. Definitely a quirky / individualistic feel to the place. She ultimately wound up in the Midwest at a more “friendly, outgoing” campus. I really have no idea about your religious background, but during a visit to Bard we did attend church on Sunday right on campus in the chapel and found a very warm, close-knit community of folks - both students and locals. They had donuts after the service and just talked. We found out they had a weekly dinner that was open to all students and that it was a very supportive community. We left knowing that if she went there that would be a place she could connect with similar-minded people. Perhaps this is something you could check out in addition to more counseling?
I agree that you need to stick with therapy. Also, forget the RA. Go straight to the Dean of Res. Life. Be proactive, and don’t let yourself be a victim. Ask anyone who is nasty why they felt the need to be rude, or whatever. See what the response is.
Try getting a job on campus, volunteering, or becoming active in the campus church community. All of those avenues will lead to close contact with a variety of people, and for volunteering or church, you will find welcoming, non-judgmental people. Good luck.
@paoluchsinger, the Bard Prison Initiative is one of the best things anyone has thought of - https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bard-prison-initiative-debate-team-defeat-harvard_us_5614124ee4b022a4ce5fb875.
Perhaps you could see if they’ll take volunteers? It sounds like a great thing to be involved in and if you are able to, it might take your focus off of the rest of the social scene on campus.
It’s definitely me actually. I also prefer few people around me but I feel lonely. The thing is, I’ve understood that I feel much better after outting an end to fake friends. I feel a lot stronger when I’m alone. Don’t try to make friends just for sake of having friends. You’re also okay when you’re alone. Real friendships start when you’re not expecting them. Just don’t stress yourself about this. Enjoy being alone…
That’s some really good advice. I keep telling myself that with friends it should be quality over quantity but my mom who is very extroverted the complete opposite of me, keeps trying to pick friends for me without knowing them well. Like there was this one girl who my mom really liked because she lived next to me freshman year. Even though we had nothing in common my mom insisted that I try to befriend her. Whenever I’ve said hi to her she gives eye contact but doesn’t say hi back and gives a dirty look and when I’ve held he door open for her she will again give me eye contact but open the other door without saying thank you. I just found that to be so rude.