<p>For labor day weekend I went back home to see my friends.I've had a wonderful time and I've been counting down the days until labor day. I haven't gotten to spend time with my dad and sister, which is my fault, so I felt really sad and upset, I plan to do it the next time I go.... Now, that i'm back in college I feel like there's something big missing in my life. I am 3-4 hours away from home, my sister, dad, and friends, 13-14 hours from my best friend who I haven't seen 3 years, 4-5 hours from my boyfriend of almost 2 years, 7 hours from my little sister and mom who I haven't seen since May, and about 12 hours from my brother and step dad who I haven't seen since May as well. </p>
<p>While here I've met many people and I'm glad I have the freedom to do stuff. But ever since I've been here all I've thought about was when was I going to go back home and see my boyfriend and the rest of my friends. But I knew that I needed to get my independence first. The only upsetting thing that happened to me here is my roommate, but that's a different story. So, my plan was to drive back with an old friend back home whenever she does. But, she told me today that she's taking a plane from now on home.</p>
<p>My dad asked me to give it a year for him and see if I like it. My original plan was to go to my choice college for 2 years and then audition for NYU if i'm still on the track of pursuing acting. If not then I might change my major to Math and transfer somewhere else. I've been thinking about transferring next semester or next year to Georgia State University. Just so I can be closer to my dad, sister, bf, and friends. But isn't that a wrong reason to transfer? I envy some of my other friends and bf because all they talk about is how much of a great time that they're having in college and I can't be 100% about my college. I've had some fun, yeah, but my mind just screams home. I have so many things I want to accomplish like getting my licence and/or getting my first job and trying to at least be on the dean's list. </p>
<p>I miss seeing everyone and I don't know what to do and how to deal with this depression I'm in. Please help?</p>
<p>Thank you</p>
<p>(P.S. And for the past few months, all I've been talking about is leaving. HA!)</p>
<p>Are you a freshman? If so, what you’re feeling is natural. Of course you feel uprooted and lonely; it would be weird if you didn’t. Even if you’re having fun there, it takes time to feel at home. Your dad is right, give yourself that time.</p>
<p>Make a point of getting involved in activities that interest you (and yes, it will feel awkward at first – do it anyway). Hang out in public places – the lounge, the library, the coffee shop. You’ll meet more people, and find your tribe sooner. </p>
<p>Don’t hole up in your room skypeing and facebooking with friends and family back home. Don’t make a habit of texting as you walk across campus; it makes you look closed off and uninterested in the people around you. Of course, stay in touch with your old people – but you can’t make a new life where you are if you’re looking backward. Be open, interested, and available for the new people in your life.</p>
<p>It also wouldn’t hurt to stop by the counselling center. Trust me – you are not the only one who feels this way, and college counselling centers see ALOT of homesick students. They can help.</p>
<p>It is perfectly normal to miss those that you love. I tend to think when kids don’t miss family and friends they are either acting off of some misguided belief that they are not supposed to or they have some attachment disorder. Give yourself time…at least a year to become comfortable with being far from the people you care about the most. You will always love them but you will get used to the idea of being further away. Once you have a couple good friends and are involved in classes and ECs your days will seem much fuller and less lonely.</p>
<p>I second the idea of getting in touch with the counceling office if you are feeling sad just so you could discuss some ideas that will help you to adjust. Wishing you happy days ahead!!</p>
<p>I am a freshman. I was thinking about a counseling center all day actually…I have a few old friends and I try hanging with them sometimes…I’ve met this girl and I hang out with her on a frequent basis…If this is a start. I’ve also met a few girls on my hall that are nice and cool but I always find it difficult to bring up a conversation in a large group so I’m always awkward. But, back in high school I was shy when it came to things like that…</p>
<p>My daughter, a freshman, is feeling homesick. She’s fine when she’s busy, but she gets homesick when she has downtime and thinks about home. She said she feels like she’s been on vacation and it’s about time she pack up and go home. Hard for her to wrap her head around the idea that this is now home, until the summer. I think she misses the comforts of home, not worrying about making dinner, sleeping late, singing as loud as she wants. Lots of new things to get used to at college.</p>
<p>I told her what others are telling you. Give it time and keep busy. She auditioned for and got into two choirs, so that will keep her really busy, school work is picking up, etc. She likes her roommates a lot, but they don’t, so far anyway, take school as seriously as she does. I told her they will get busy too. </p>
<p>So, I’d say just give it time. There is a big difference being at NYU than in Georgia. It would be a shame to give up the NY experience because you miss home. On the other hand, maybe that is what you will decide to do. But I’d say, don’t make that decision for a long time.</p>
<p>My daughter has a good friend that had a similarly rough freshman year. She missed her friends and her family quite a bit. She knew she had to make it work at her college though as she was there on a full scholarship and also knew that it was a good fit. She did just as the above posters suggest - stayed busy, got involved and gave herself time. She ended up thriving and loved her college experience. </p>
<p>It’s tough being uncomfortable and homesick, but perhaps knowing that it’s okay to feel both those things may help AND the fact that the longer you work at becoming comfortable, the easier it will be. The book, “How to deal with a Naked Roommate” has some great ideas on how to get through this transition.</p>
<p>My roommate doesn’t necessarily like me. I can try looking for the things to be in around the campus. I’m eagerly waiting for Winter guard to start. I’ll start going to the student counseling center today :)</p>
<p>OP, we experienced much the same with our S last year as you are explaining (except his distances were not as far).</p>
<p>Here are my tidbits of advice:</p>
<ol>
<li> Decide that you have committed to this school for this year and look ahead to make this year work. Don’t even think of transfer stuff till 1st semester is done. If you keep transferring in your mind now, you will have a harder time making what you currently have work.</li>
<li><p>Just like you time manage/schedule your classwork and activities, time manage your family/boyfriend time! Make a plan to Skype/call each member that you are missing each week or so. My D for instance ALWAYS gave my H a call on Tuesdays - for 4 years, they had their Tuesday call. Especially for your BF, make a plan for Skyping or a plan for visiting - when you know you have a visiting “event” coming up, it’s easier to deal with that date then to just be looking out into the calendar year with no idea when you will have contact.</p></li>
<li><p>I always think it’s a bummer when freshman roommates don’t work out cause the first weeks, you often DO rely on having a roommate you get along with to go to meals, etc. BUT the girls next door or down the hall can provide the same relationship. If roomie is not going to be a pal, pop some popcorn sit out in the hallway with homework and you WILL attract some other people with to start to get to know (serious- people CANNOT ignore the smell of freshly popped corn!!)</p></li>
<li><p>Definitely use the counseling center. Going to see a counselor would have been the last thing I would have ever expected by popular, social, outgoing, confident S do. But the shock of being away, melted some of those traits away at first and he really needed someone to chat with and work through the issues. You will be one of MANY who are there for the same reason. S made me smile when he told me that talking with the counselor was kind of like talking to me - he just listened and helped him with a game plan and made him feel better.
My S did struggle for a lot of last year. It was stressful for all of us. This year is better. Not fabulous, but better. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Like Tim Gunn says, “make it work!” (what I mean is, do what you have to do to make things work for YOU!)</p>
<p>Hi Muzik_Lvr! I’m a parent of a D who has just started her first year at college, too. Some of the issues you are describing are ones that she’s addressing, also. So, for a start, just as some of the other posters have noted, don’t think you’re alone; each of us has different ways of approaching our problems and our life - you’ll know already that we don’t all have to be like or do things like “everybody else”, and we all really do have our own pace. Separations and transitions can be especially trying, so please be gentle with yourself as you think things through. </p>
<p>It seems to me like you’ve received some very good advice, especially about trying to live in the here and now, as well as not hesitating to speak with your counseling service. Glad to hear that you’re going to do this. (That’s what they’re there for and it would surprise me greatly if they don’t have considerable experience in assisting students over many years who have been experiencing similar concerns.)</p>
<p>I wanted to mention another possible assistance. If you don’t know about it already, there’s a recent book (2010) called “What to Do When College Is Not the Best Time of Your Life” by Dr. David Leibow, a Columbia faculty member. It talks, for example, about homesickness and anxieties and a number of other issues. You can browse some of it on Amazon. Our family has a copy and it seems filled with useful, straightforward advice. </p>
