<p>If the school is not a fit, it is not a fit. If you are not a partier, but are at a partying school, it can be rough.</p>
<p>If you withdraw now, can you get your place back at one of the other schools as if deferred admission?</p>
<p>((((Hugs)))))</p>
<p>I was in your situation once. I wish I walked away. Instead, I dug myself a hole.</p>
<p>Let me give you some “tough love” to think about … you’ve repeatedly said that this school wasn’t your first choice but that your parents pressed you into attending.</p>
<p>Are you sure that you’re not being deliberately “glass half empty” to prove to yourself that their choice is not working for you? If you had these same experiences at your dream school, would you be approaching them differently?</p>
<p>^^^Spot on!</p>
<p>Parent of freshman son at another school here - I agree with the parents who say many students are going through a similar experience right now. The constant socializing, “where are you from, what is your major” conversations have stopped, students are having to buckle down and work, and yet everyone still is looking for their “tribe.” My son watched some of his new friends go through rush, and they have now peeled off to focus their social life elsewhere. He feels like he is starting over, looking for kids whom he has more in common with now that they are really settling in.</p>
<p>The advice we have given him is look for clubs, volunteering, sports that he enjoys and he will find students with whom he has similar interests and values. It takes time. He has also shared that his humor – which is dry wit – is not well-appreciated by most of his peers. So, he is continuing to look in new places for people whom he will share more with. It does not happen overnight. </p>
<p>Be patient, keep looking for activities that interest you, and you will find peers and new friends. Hang in there.</p>
<p>I think one thing contributing to my problems is that I feel that my current school is too big. This school has 6500 people. My dream school had only 1200 and seemed to have more support, and I feel like that would’ve helped. Maybe it would, maybe not. But I think the size of the school definitely has something to do with it.</p>
<p>Anyways though, I don’t really feel like transferring is an option for me. I think if I transfer, I’ll just have to start this whole process all over again.</p>
<p>And right now, I’m feeling pretty bitter to my parents, because part of the reason they wanted me close is because they thought I couldn’t take care of myself. One month later, I’ve called them for cash once, but otherwise I’m fine. It’s really upsetting how little faith my parents have in me as an adult.</p>
<p>6500 is actually pretty small, you want a school that is large enough to support clubs and classes for diverse interests.</p>
<p>My oldest attended a school that was smaller and it was really too small. When a prof left it made a huge hole in the curriculum.</p>
<p>***** & moan about how this school isn’t your top choice, but then be done with it- and focus on how you can adapt to your environment, instead of bemoaning that you aren’t somewhere else.</p>
<p>What makes you happy, chaosakita? I’d recommend chasing that. You seem like a singular person (I say that in an admiring way!). So you may have to look harder to find people with whom you really click. But if you pursue the things you love, maybe you’ll find others who love those things, as well. The counseling sounds like a good idea as well; it’ll give you a safe place to explore to explore the things that contribute to your feelings of social awkwardness.</p>
<p>Parent of a Vandy grad. She actually attended a much smaller college freshman year, having turned down Vandy initially because she felt it was not a match socially. While the much smaller school ended up being great socially by the time she finished freshman year, it was SO hard for her at first. There were many, many tearful phone calls. It took quite awhile for her to find her “group.” Not everyone finds it easy; you are not alone. Although she finally found her niche socially, the school was too limiting academically. She chose to transfer to Vandy for the academics. Yes, it is a butt-kicking school. She worked really, really hard. What made it easier, of course, was that SHE chose to be there. Socially … well, let’s just say that it took awhile to find her niche, and she never really felt a part of the social scene. She joined groups (moving on from one or two when they just didn’t feel quite right) — she eventually held leadership positions in two major groups, but I can tell you that at first, she probably would have thought that would never happen … it seemed like everyone had their friends & it would be hard to be chosen. It all worked out for her, though. It just took time. She found new friends in the people she met through those groups. She also did activities on campus and in town that were of interest to her, meeting other people in the process (including Belmont students). When all was said and done, she had a fabulous education and took advantage of many wonderful opportunities.</p>
<p>My suggestions? First, make sure you take advantage of tutoring (such as the writing center, which might be very helpful given the huge emphasis on writing at Vandy). Feeling like you can hold your own academically will help your outlook. Next, continue to go to group meetings with groups that interest you. Look at other activities, too … tv or radio shows, singing groups, plays, working on campus, or anything that looks interesting to you. Look into study abroad … the BEST experience my daughter had … not necessarily in a Vandy program, although that is fine. My D went to UEdinburgh & it didn’t cost us any more than a semester at Vandy (less, actually). Talk to your professors. Some of them are really cool. Go to the counseling center, where D’s friend got wonderful assistance. </p>
<p>Put aside your disappointment in not being where you want to be. Look for ways to make it better while you are there. And above all, don’t have unrealistic expectations of the college experience. For some, it is the best time of their lives. For others, it is four years during which they gain an education and various experiences that will help them handle life. Things will get better in time.</p>
<p>chaosakita: my observation is that during the first few months of college, kids cling to one another just to have security. A vast majority of the groups you are observing will not be in tact by Sophomore year. EVERYONE is feeling somewhat like you are, they are just hiding it a little better. I would pick one or two clubs that truly interest you and go to every meeting religiously. You will meet some kindred souls through mutual interests. Sending a heartfelt hug through the CC wires!</p>
<p>HarvestMoon is 100% right. I would add that if you are not truly interested in any of the clubs, just fake it. Go to a club or activity that seem worth exploring. If you don’t feel passionately about them, that’s OK.</p>
<p>Your jokes may be falling a little flat if you’re trying too hard out of a sense of insecurity. Been there, done that. Relax a little about the friends – plenty of people take time to bond with new friends, and this environment is very different from high school. I also didn’t find real friends till late in freshman year or else in sophomore year. And as for the size of the school, you just need to find one small group where you fit in. Just focus for now on learning some good study habits (lots of high schools do not prepare kids for the amount or difficulty of work in college) and keep meeting people as you are doing. Really, it sounds like you’re doing what you should be.</p>
<p>You say you have a unique sense of humor, is it something you enjoy, any chance the school has an outlet for that aspect of your personality? A neighbor of ours sounds a lot like you who just graduated from our HS, this kid has such a witty unique sense of humor, well what he did with it in HS was amazing, again, just throwing ideas out to you. He started a morning newscast parody based on the events which occur in the school/skits about teachers students that was presented to the entire school once or twice a month. It was a tremendous hit and made him an instant celebrity among his peers.He did this from 8th grade thru 12th. I am on his twitter feed, now that he is away in college, it seems he is continuing his talent there.</p>
<p>My own kid might find college stressful the first few months too. I haven’t heard anything in particular. I’m sure you’ll settle down soon. Good luck.</p>
<p>Honestly, at the beginning of college, I think pretty much everyone thinks <em>everyone else</em> is having a great time and doing wonderfully at everything and making BFFs, and that’s not true. It’s a transition, and transitions in life are stressful, even if they’re net positives. Like others have said, the friends people make in the first months of school–or even all of freshman year–often do not “stick.” Because my mom and her BFF of 38+ years are literally the first person each other met in college, I always sort of assumed that was the case for most people. It is not. Personally, I didn’t make my really close friends in college until sophomore/junior year. Academically, too, most people end up changing majors in college–I can count on my fingers the number of people I know who stuck with the same major from freshman year until graduation.</p>
<p>Socially, do you have any interest in joining a sorority? I know they arose strong opinions on CC, to say the least, but personally, I think it was one of the best decisions I made in college and probably in my life to this point.</p>
<p>I look back at my college years with great fondness, but the first couple of months were not great. Not horrible, but not wonderful, either. I was living on a floor where most people went home on the weekends, so it was an empty place on Fridays and Saturdays. I met my husband and many people who have remained life long friends, but none of those relationships began right away. My roomate was fine, but deeply involved with a boyfriend from her hometown at first. I didn’t feel really settled in and didn’t find a group of solid friends until sometime after that first Thanksgiving break. Give it time.</p>
<p>Chaos - first off, hugs to you. The first few months of college can be a huge upheaval, socially and academically, especially when it seems that “everyone” is fitting in, making great freinds, and having a blast. As others have suggested, that last part is just not true - in reality, many (if not most) freshmen feel exactly the same way you do: confused, unsure, and a little overwhelmed.</p>
<p>Give yourself a break - it’s only been a month (I know that a month feels like forever, but honestly it’s not). You’re still finding your way and your people. Try out a few clubs that interest you (they will most likely attract people like you), but feel free to drop those clubs if there’s no connection (it’s a club, not a marriage!) Try chatting up people in class - no need to make jokes, just start talking. (I know that my own D - kind of a quirky introvert - made it a point to make one new “classroom friend” every quarter. Many time those are the friendships that lasted.)</p>
<p>But most of all, try not to dwell on “how it’s supposed to be.” There is no “supposed to be.” And I agree with ek - 6500 students is actually pretty small. Although 1200 may feel perfect as a freshman, it can feel claustrophobic as a senior (been there…)</p>
<p>Chaos, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. There is no dream college. There is no dream spouse. There is no dream job. There is no dream house. That is a fantasy you see on TV and in the movies.</p>
<p>In reality there are spouses that you love and cherish and adore but want to hit over the head with a frying pan at least twice a week. In reality there are houses which are in the right neighborhood with great schools, but which you can’t afford to furnish or fix because you’ve stretched to get into those schools. Or houses which look great inside and out but are close to the freeway so you can’t use the gorgeous deck because of the noise. In reality there is a job which you find fascinating and love your colleagues but has terrible benefits and compensation which is 15% below market- or a job which you hate but where you can’t afford to leave because the pay is amazing and you have golden handcuffs (i.e. you’d lose your stock options if you quit.)</p>
<p>Your dream college is the same. It looked shiny and perfect when you were a HS kid but I guarantee you that four weeks into it, you’d have a long list of what’s wrong with it or what could be better. That’s human nature. Right now you’re feeling like the size would make it easier for you to find “your people” but today, there is a student at that same college worrying that because the place is so small and they haven’t made a best friend yet, that they will run out of people before they ever find a kindred spirit.</p>
<p>Let it go right now. It is a myth that you’d be happier there.</p>
<p>Find your bliss where you are. Bloom where you are planted. When life hands you a lemon make lemonade. Whatever metaphor helps you understand that your job right now is to catch up academically and start to develop relationships which will blossom into friendships after a couple of months.</p>
<p>Nobody (except in the movies) shows up on campus and finds themselves intellectually stimulated, popular, with too many social invitations to even accept, and constantly torn between joining the elite political society or helping with the dean’s council or managing the stage crew of the Fall performance of the experimental theater company.</p>
<p>These things take time to percolate. Pick a couple of activities or clubs that don’t sound toxic and show up at them. Develop a study plan so you don’t end up frantic in November. Calm down.</p>
<p>There is no dream college. Or maybe there is- and you are already attending it but are too busy pining to recognize it.</p>
<p>Blossom–Brilliant. I’m sending this to my own DD and every one of her friends.</p>
<p>trust me - you’ll find your people. I went to 2 completely different colleges (the first a small women’s college, the second a huge state university) and it took me over a semester to find friends. I’m still friends with those people 40 years later.</p>