<p>First, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel variations of loneliness and isolation when they start college. One of the smartest things my kid ever did was email back and forth with kids a year or two ahead of her when they went off to college. By T-day almost all were happy, but that first few months they weren’t. Several had setbacks. They were lonely and so they were glad to hear from a kid who was willing to listen. My kid found out that college wasn’t this nirvana some had promised and she went into college with much more reasonable expectations, especially as to how long it takes to make real friends.</p>
<p>Second, in addition to the clubs etc., try (1) going early to class and events; (2) giving sincere compliments; (3) being an audience; (4) volunteering for scut work and (5) wearing a conversation piece. </p>
<p>Why go early? At the beginning of a party or other event, it’s easier to talk to strangers and it’s more likely they will talk to you than it is when the event is in full swing. So, if you have to go alone go early if you want to meet people. That’s true not only for parties, but also for plays, concerts, movies, and even classes. If you’re there early, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask the other few people who are early too “Did you understand the reading?” or “Which of the poems we had to read did you like best?” etc. </p>
<p>(2) Don’t overdo it, but give sincere compliments. You might start a conversation with the other girl who showed up early for class by saying something like “I really like the top you’re wearing” or “I LOVE your shoes!” Don’t say anything that’s not true, though and don’t turn to the NEXT girl who enters the classroom and give her a similar compliment. If someone sitting near you in class says something during a discussion that you think was praiseworthy, praise. “I SO agree with what you said about X!” Just make it short and sweet as you head out of class. It doesn’t have to result in an immediate prolonged conversation, but sometimes it can. Even if it doesn’t, that person will probably remember you favorably and might talk to you before or after class next week. Don’t expect a one to one return–just compliment often and hope that some people will respond.</p>
<p>(3) Be an audience. Go to events at which audiences are scarce. Ask questions if you are ignorant. At many schools, there are very few people at field hockey games or modern dance performances or classical music concerts. It’s usually acceptable to ask questions. Most people are thrilled to have someone ask them to explain their passions. </p>
<p>This works even better if someone you’ve met casually is performing/playing. (Just don’t pick the quarterback of the football team.) As a freshman, my own kid went to one heck of a lot of plays/concerts/sports events in which kids in her dorm or she knew for other reasons were participating. For example, she went to a vocal performance because a girl from her high school who was in the group was selling tickets. (It’s hard to sell tickets when you are a freshman and this was a shy girl, so this was definitely a mercy purchase.) Well…it turned out that my kid recognized 2 other people who sang. So she told that cute sophomore guy in one of her classes that he’d done a great job in his solo.He was happy about the compliment and asked her why she’d gone to the concert and she said that her high school classmate X was in the group. So, he responded by saying something like “Oh, you’re from New York!” and the conversation was off and running. They didn’t become close friends, but he was always friendly to my kid after that and introduced her to other people who did become good friends. The other person she recognized thought she’d gone to see him perform and thanked her. (She didn’t disabuse him of the idea, LOL!!) </p>
<p>(4) Do scut work. If someone has to clean up after the dorm pizza party, stay and help. If someone has to bag the cans and bottles from the dorm for recycling, volunteer to help. If you get to the party early, ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If someone is trying to fold 300 programs just before the concert, say “Here, let me help.” If someone has to take attendance at the dorm fire drill, volunteer. What needs to be done varies from campus to campus, of course, but there are always mundane tasks that need to be done and pitching in to help is always appreciated. Almost always, the people you help will ask your name and you have created a good impression and gotten to know the other people who helped. </p>
<p>(5) Wear a conversation piece now and again. If you like a certain band, wear a T-shirt with its name on it, for example. If you participated in a walk or race for a cause, wear that. Chances are that someone else who likes that band too/ also works the cause, etc. will notice and start a conversation with you.</p>
<p>But above all…get your work done!!!</p>