<p>^^^^ won't load for me either</p>
<p>Total hijack of thread - can someone please tell me why I can access every other page on CC, except page 3 of this thread? You'll have to PM me because I can't read the third (last) page. This has been going on for several hours.</p>
<p>I have not been able to access page 3 of this thread all day. I can't even post a response at the bottom of page 1 or 2 to ask for help. I don't know if it's my computer or the CC site.</p>
<p>I can access every other page of CC that I've tried, but not this one. Can someone please help.</p>
<p>fine...now my post shows up, but I still can't access the third page of the original thread to read it.</p>
<p>I can't get page 6; pages 5 and 7 have (permalink) after the post #s.</p>
<p>I've reported the problem to the person who handles our website.</p>
<p>I agree with many of the posters who have suggested staying closer to your "home turf" where you both have support of friends I assume and I agree with posters who have suggested public universities or at the very least privates that have a strong non-traditional student body. I don't think it is a good idea to send your D and her baby off to a small school where there are no married couples or unwed parents and a preponderance of 17 and 18 year olds. Obviously things have happened and choices and paths have been taken. They do change the future irrevocably as you well know and choices and that may have been on the table two years ago are no longer. I think it's admirable of you to take care of this baby and admirable of you to want more for your daughter which will in the long term benefit your grandchild. I think if you are both realistic about the situation today you will find the solution that is best for you and for your daughter and her baby.</p>
<p>I don't agree that options are off the table. A girl who scores a 2330 and a 3.96 GPA, while raising a child, is smart enough to figure out how to attend college with a child. In fact, I think she owes it to her child to get the best education she can -- as a single parent, she is all that baby has to take care of her. Do you all know how rare that 2330 is? It is in the 99+ %, and only about 2600 kids scored that well or higher. This is a smart girl.</p>
<p>Many colleges have housing for less traditional students. Even Dartmouth offers housing for undergrads with children, spouses or partners. Undergraduate</a> Housing</p>
<p>Now, she may not want to relocate to the east coast, but I think she should attend the best college she can get into. With her mom's support, this is quite doable.</p>
<p>Here are links to other schools with housing for undergrads with kids.</p>
<p>Funds</a> allotted to aid undergraduates with children - The Stanford Daily Online</p>
<p>Student</a> Life University of Southern California</p>
<p>
[quote]
Child Care
Students with families can apply to enroll their children in the Anna Bing Arnold Child Care Center. The program operates in three sites located on the University Park and Health Sciences campuses. There are programs for infants, toddlers, pre-school and after school care. The focus is on personal and social growth, developing motor coordination and positive self-image and providing a good first school experience. Full- and part-time enrollment is available and a monthly fee is charged.</p>
<p>Family Student Housing
Married students or students with children wishing university housing should apply to the Housing Services Office, Parking Structure C, (213) 740-2546. The family student housing located north of campus has furnished one-bedroom and two-bedroom apartments for couples and families with one or two children.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It seems to me that the key issues are on-site childcare and housing for undergraduates with children.</p>
<p>
[quote]
A girl who scores a 2330 and a 3.96 GPA, while raising a child, is smart enough to figure out how to attend college with a child.
[/quote]
The baby is three months old! She hasn't raised the child yet. It's MUCH too early to see how the child in her life will impact her ability to cope. Nobody is suggesting she attend a crummy school; just be realistic about where she will best fit. We see endless threads on CC about the best fit for students from all types of circumstances and with all different strengths. Certainly a new freshman with a baby & her mom in tow will be non-traditional. Not every school will work. When freshman year rolls around, the baby will be an active toddler, talking & walking & demanding mommy's attention. To be fair to her child, this girl will have to forgo some of the college experiences she may otherwise have taken part in. To assume that all options are still doable seems to shortchange the baby & place a huge burden on the grandmother. No mention of a grandfather or other siblings, but they will be impacted, as well.</p>
<p>One question she should be sure to ask, if she's looking at on campus housing for parents is: Can her mother live with them? I suspect that at some universities, the answer will be no.</p>
<p>I agree with stickershock: This is no longer about finding the right fit for just herself. While that is a part of college planning for everyone, in this case, she will also need to weigh the fit for her child and, if she accompanies them, her mother as well. If she does, that will probably rule out quite a few options. Of course, it is still early in the game. The baby is only three months old and the Mom won't start college for two years. It is probably too early at this point to say what options will and will not fit them all. A college degree, however, is certainly STILL an option! I also would disagree with the statement that she can't possibly get a GOOD education at a local university - we don't know that for sure, as they haven't even looked into what is available locally or close to home. I personally would start there just in terms of not uprooting the entire family, but, of course, that is an individual choice based on many complicated factors in this situation. Ultimately, however, I think it is untrue to say that college options for this young woman haven't changed at all. They have by virtue of the young life that is now her main responsibility. I once read a quote that I think applies here: Before you become a parent, you are free to make decisions just for yourself. After you become a parent, you must make decisions for two people, yourself and your child. The choices won't be easy, but to pretend that having a child hasn't changed ANYTHING is simply not true and probably not fair to the child.</p>
<p>I think mom's support will be very important. Full-time day-care runs only until 6pm; a chemistry or biology student is very likely to have labs, some of which will be held in the evening. There will be times when the baby or the mother is unwell and will need support. Full-time day care is enormously expensive. I just checked the fees for our old and admittedly expensive day care center. For 2-3 year olds, the monthly fee for 5 days a week 8am-6pm is nearly $1,700! It's even more expensive for younger children.
If, however, the OP's D can attend a school with a good childhood education program, chances are that day care would be far cheaper.
One possibility that comes to mind is for the OP to care for other children besides her grandchild and earn some income thereby. S1 was attended in a home day-care together with 5 other children by a wonderfully motherly woman. We switched him to the day care center when he was 2.5 and needed the company of age peers (the home day care took in children of varying ages). But we have fond memories of the home day care and the provider. If this were an option, this would open up more possibilities for the OP and her D. </p>
<p>I also think that taking a gap year might not be a bad idea. The OP's D is young. Taking a gap year, working part time and maybe taking a community college class or 2 might work out well. She'd be 18 or 19 when starting college, the same age as most of her fellow students.</p>
<p>Stickershock, the OPs daughter is a Junior. I think it is too soon to say that a selective college is out of the picture. Like any other high school student, she should carefully develop a list of colleges that would provide her with a variety of choices in April of her senior year. She may decide that a local college is the best option then. And I agree that a LAC may not be the best option.</p>
<p>However, she may find that a selective private college i.e. Stanford, will offer better financial aid and support than a large public university. If she doesn't apply to a selective school, then that option is off the table. If she didn't have such wonderful support from her mom, it would be a different story.</p>
<p>SJ, I suggested three highly selective schools a while back. Again, nobody said she's out of the running for a selective school. What I'm saying is that many options are off the table for her. She will not be heading off to a "normal" college experience. She has a very unusual circumstance that not every college will be able to work with to her satisfaction while keeping the baby's best interests in mind. Finances are only one issue to be considered, and the OP didn't make it clear if $$ is a problem. I'm assuming it may not be, as not too many people could plan to follow their child to college & raise their grandchild if they weren't financially comfortable.</p>
<p>
[quote]
...it would be good if she had the opp to bond with her child as a mom, not as if she were a sibling or playmate.
[/quote]
Dove, this is a very, very important point. The D must establish herself as the mom, or their relationship will be a challenging & confusing one. That requires involvement & time with the child.</p>
<p>You know, I don't think we are being asked to be experts on child rearing here. There are so many ways to build a family, and the OP has already said that her daughter is a wonderful mother, and I believe her, so I don't think that's the issue.</p>
<p>I had a Cambodian student who worked and went to school full-time and left her year old daughter with her sister. She was not a teenager; she was a bout 25 at the time. She was heartbroken that she did not even see her daughter every day, but I had no doubt that she was doing what she was doing to make a good life for her daughter, to provide for her, both materially and as a role model.</p>
<p>My mother was with me every day and didn't return to work until I was 14. She was abusive, physically and emotionally.</p>
<p>I am sure these two women have thought about what thy are doing. The OP is asking advice about applying to college.</p>
<p>There have been many threads on CC about the importance of careers to women. I would guess that most adult women posters here are NOT SAHMs. Moms in the business world are typically away from home 50+ hours a week, when you consider commuting and getting kids to and from day care. Many posters have spoken, often eloquently, about how they feel they were able to meet their kids needs and have a satisfying career. Here is a link to one such thread. <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/417155-college-female-dominated-7.html%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/417155-college-female-dominated-7.html</a></p>
<p>There have also been threads regarding good study habits for college kids -- one such thread suggested that a student should be busy in class or studying from 8:00 or 9:00 am until 5:00 or 6:00, mirroring the working world. A diligent college student could keep such a schedule (with allowances for labs) and pretty much be a typical working mom.</p>
<p>I haven't read all the responses here, but wanted to second (third, whatever) Smith. The Ada Comstock program is for older women, veterans, and those with kids (there was a woman there a few years ago who got pregnant at 15) and it allows you to live off campus. I think you normally have to get 2 years of credit at another school and transfer in, but definitely talk to the admissions office and the dean of the Ada class. Regardless of the baby, Smith would be thrilled to have someone with test scores like that and an interest in science! there's also good child care available on campus and in the neighborhood.</p>
<p>Mt. Holyoke has a similar program (Frances Perkins Scholars) and great chem department but I don't know much about it.</p>
<p>And a classmate of mine in law school who had a child in high school attended Agnes Scott with great success and much support from her parents.</p>
<p>In giving advice about applying to college, in the now unopenable page 6 of this thread, I suggested that it could be good for the D to take a gap year before college so that she gets the time to enjoy her child during the brief toddler years, and so she also gets to learn things about being a mom that she isn't able to learn now due to her being a fulltime student and having a loving, supportive mom who is doing the bulk of raising the D's child -- something that is appropriate and understandable since this allows the D to concentrate on her studies.</p>
<p>I have no reason to doubt the OP's description of her D as being a wonderful mother. However, due to the D's schedule, it also is fairly obvious that the D probably doesn't have much parenting responsibilities. Also, the child is only 3 months old, a fairly easy age to take care of. Things become more challenging when the babies become mobile toddlers.</p>
<p>In my post on the unopenable page 6, I mentioned that the mother unexpectedly died of the woman whom I know who had a baby at 15 and went from her Chicago hometown to Beloit college. Consequently, during her first semester of college, the person I know had to return home and take on the full responsibilities of motherhood, something that she was not prepared to do because her mother had been doing that for her.</p>
<p>She eventually got a masters degree and her D is now in her mid 30s. However, her D doesn't speak to her, which may be due to the D's upbringing with a young, single mom who didn't know how to parent.</p>
<p>Certainly, it's not likely that the OP will die while raising her grandchild, but it is possible that something could happen in the relatively near future that could cause the D to have to assume primary responsibility for her child for a brief or long time. Thus, it would be helpful to the D to have the experience that would prepare her for this responsibility. In addition, presumably at some time, the D (and possibly her husband) will be assuming full responsibility for raising her child. </p>
<p>Her spending extended time with her child also would help her better assess what kind of college to attend.</p>
<p>Colleges view productive gap years after high school as positives since students tend to become more mature, self aware and focused during gap years.</p>
<p>My S, 19, did a gap year as an Americorps Volunteer, and that helped him know much more about himself and possible career options. He also became more comfortable functioning in the world as an adult, something that pays off in how he utilizes his college experience. In addition, the gap year helped him get the self awareness to select a college that was a good match for himself. </p>
<p>Anyway, as the OP and her D consider the D's college options, part of that consideration does need to be the D's child and her relationship with her child. Things that normally wouldn't be important -- the local school system, whether there are other undergraduates with children, the kinds of and location of off campus housing -- all will be much more important for the OP and her D than they would be for most high school students who are making their college plans. </p>
<p>Given the challenges that the D and her mom have faced over the past year, I doubt if they've had the time to fully consider some of the parenting issues that are being raised in this thread, and that are important as the D and her mom consider the D's college options.</p>
<p>If she were my daughter, I'd encourage her to apply to a variety of colleges, including both public and private, during her senior year. Many schools offer deferred matriculation, and she could effectively take the gap year with a guaranteed spot for the following fall.</p>
<p>Just be aware that the Northhampton area is extremely expensive. From what I've seen of it (one of my close friends lives there), it might not be a place that a middle aged woman who's a stay at home mom would easily find friends and activities.</p>