College with a baby

<p>"oh, don't worry about geting pregnant, your life will be just peachy, when in reality, the majority of pregnant teens have a much more difficult time of it"</p>

<p>I don't see anything in this thread that is encouraging girls to get pregnant while in high school.</p>

<p>I also don't see anything indicating that people here think the OP's D's situation is "peachy." Any thoughtful person can see that her being a young mother has added challenges to her and her mom's life. However, it seems that the OP and her D are making the best of the situation.</p>

<p>Northstarom, your own posts agree with my assertion- the OP is coming across almost bragging about how great her d is at being a MOTHER...the D is not the mother, most likely- the kids sleeps a lot...and unles you are doing all the feedings, getting up at 2am, laundry, etc...you don't know what kind of mom you have on your hands</p>

<p>yes, to ME, there is this attutude of see, it can all work out just swell if you are a teen mom...when the reality for the vast majority of teen mothers is very different</p>

<p>and when you have people saying, hey good on you for being such a great mother, write about that in your essays, etc....I find it pretty scary stuff</p>

<p>there are schools with epidemics of teen pregnancies...why? because it seems so fun, and the parents take care of business, while the girls think their lives won't change</p>

<p>perhaps, they should change some, perhaps a bit of difficulty is warranted</p>

<p>no, it is not encouraging girls to get pregnant, but saying, wow, good for you, you have done it all....shows that hey, if you get pregnant, your life doens't have to change and you don't have to give up all YOUR plans....don't worry too much about the new life, eh, we wiil adjust that life to yours</p>

<p>There are many innovative housing/daycare opportunities at big western universities. I have a nephew who lives in 'married' student housing with his girlfriend. Their neighbor is a single mom. At this school (UCSB) the definition of 'family' housing is flexible, and I wouldn't be surprised if it could accommodate the student, her mother & her child. Big schools also often have excellent and affordable daycare. So OP, I second the many suggestions to look into large schools. Your D could get an LAC-type feeling at University of Oregon's very good Honors College. </p>

<p>As to the judgmental nature of some of these comments: I would hope we live in a society where one different step out of the norm isn't the end of your opportunities. This girl and her mother live every day with the result of the girl's "mistake" (in quotation marks because a child isn't a mistake, says this pro-choicer.) They know all about paying a price for, let's say, a detour in life. I hope that admission officers would be as impressed by this girl as most of us here on CC are.</p>

<p>arggh... i am not judgemental. i am a concerned mother who doesn't want it to appear that having a baby at 15 is easy, I don't want it to appear that your life will be as it was, that having a baby is no big deal, after all, grandma will take care of it, and you can just keep doing whatever you want to do</p>

<p>i want girls to be careful, take sex serouslly, use protection, see that having unprotected sex can indeed have very serious consequences in life, that your life will indeed change, become more difficult, that others will sacrifice alot</p>

<p>yes, perhaps i am coming across as judgemental, not that this young girl had a baby, not that her mom stepped up to raise that infant</p>

<p>i am judgemental about the attitude that having a child at 15/16 is just simple, that the child isn't affected by having a child as a parent, that the young man involved is just free to walk away (seems that way from no mention of him anywhere)</p>

<p>hey, i am some baby's daddy!!! but i don't pay for nuttin....</p>

<p>I want this girl to do well, but it shouldn't come across as easy, there is a baby involved now, and sorry to say, for parents, that means its not about Me anymore, its about us</p>

<p>Impressed? she gave birth, and gee, never missed a day of school....impressed? not yet i am not impressed...I am saddened</p>

<p>City, I know a successful law partner who has MS- she copes beautifully, juggles a demanding job and kids/home etc. but nobody who knows her thinks "oh gee I should get MS so I could get all this help from my family and accomodations from my employer". I think the people who know her admire her coping skills but are very grateful not to have the burdens that she has.</p>

<p>I don't think people look at a high functioning HS mom and think, "oh wow what a great deal". I think they are justifiably admiring of the way she copes and think she's doing a remarkable job of handling the challenges in her life.</p>

<p>by the OP</p>

<p>" RE insomniatic: I've heard from many people that my D should assume more of the responsibility of raising her child. As I see it, it's best for her, my granddaughter and myself if I help my D now as much as possible so she can best help herself, and her daughter, in the future."</p>

<p>that says it all for me...if i am reading this correctly, the grandma is taking on most of the child rearing responsibility, so what amazing things has the new mom done, yes maintaining As while pregnant is tough....</p>

<p>but i will withhold my applause until her baby is really her responsibility</p>

<p>We could debate whether or not mothers should stay with their children a solid year or more in the context of whether the OPs daughter should take a gap year or no and it would be a fruitless debate. However, we can agree that this young girl's life is irreovacably changed, we can agree that she is certainly a non-traditional student in the sense of "traditional 17 or 18 year old who goes off to college" and we can admire a "grandma" who has the stamina to raise another child (goodness knows I don't have the same stamina today that I had at 30 even). I think that the maturity of a 16 year old is very different from that of a 21 year old so it's difficult for jme to compare how one might cope with grad school and a baby vs. the transition from high school to college with a baby. We also cannot not ascertain the actual relative maturity of the OPs daughter. We can encourage the OP to really understand that her daughter can maybe not go to some schools the OP may have envisioned a year ago and we can support the daughter by helping find potential universities or unique LACs that have a good proportion of non-traditional freshman where she will not be an anomaly. Times have not changed that much in that a single 18 year old mother or even a married couple is still going to be pretty rare in the majority of private liberal arts colleges. I went to a small LAC and we had no parents of children and only 1 married couple who felt so out of place they left after fall term. If this has already been said, my apologies, I have not been able to open page 3.</p>

<p>as well from the OP</p>

<p>'I've met many girls her age who were foolish or careless who are, nonetheless, amazing mothers.'</p>

<p>To me, it should be WHY are teen girls getting pregnant, where are the dudes in this, why no talk about birth control, condoms</p>

<p>it is this attitude, wow, look what great moms these teenagers are....well, they are dealing with infants...and it makes me sad </p>

<p>Those girls should be out there saying,,,us a condom...I love my baby, but man, this is hard...</p>

<p>there are girls that get pregnant, not out of carelessness, but out of wanting to have someone to love, that babies are cute and fun, and having babies is easy when you are a teen</p>

<p>that needs to be dispelled and teen moms need to say, hey, girls, this is really hard and i had to give up my life for someone elses</p>

<p>The OP was asking for information, so to return to the original question: Just adding my support for women's colleges if the student and her mom decide they can handle a move. It is most certainly not true that they're not good places for women in the sciences. Mount Holyoke has a proud history of alumnae who are pioneers in their scientific fields. Note to the OP: PM me if you would like more specific information/links.</p>

<p>Here are two pertinent articles, from the Chronicle of Higher Education, May, 2006 that may give the OP's daughter some things to consider. </p>

<p>She might want to investigate the Catholic colleges mentioned in the first article as well as other Catholic schools, but she needs to research carefully to see if the programs are open to NEW students with children, not just students who get pregnant after they enroll.</p>

<p>The second article is an important read as well because it brings up some of the challenges undergrads with children are likely to face. Although the focus is on Wellesley, Wellesley's financial aid policies aren't likely much different from the vast majority of colleges and universities. So, this article can help her develop a list of questions and things to consider as she weighs what is best for her child and herself over the next two years. so she can ask the right questions and weigh the challenges she'll face at different schools as she considers what will be best for herself and her child. This will not be an easy path, regardless of what she decides or where she attends, but being realistic in advance about the challenges she is likely to face will help her make better informed decisions in the long run. </p>

<p>Finally, no one has yet asked this question, and it probably is no one's business but her own, but I hope that the OP has a reliable and PORTABLE stream of income in order to make accompanying her daughter to a college far from home. If her plan is to stay home and watch the baby while her daughter attends class, I am unclear at this point exactly how they will support themselves. Financial aid alone probably won't do it, and, as the second article points out, there can be waiting times and delays in getting welfare and state assistance if you relocate elsewhere. For that reason alone, I would weigh staying closer to home very closely.</p>

<p>Havens for Students Who Give Birth
Chronicle of Higher Education
By ELIZABETH F. FARRELL</p>

<p>On some campuses, administrators have tried to improve the resources they offer to pregnant students and students with children.</p>

<p>Mary Cunningham Agee, founder of the Nurturing Network, a private foundation that provides financial assistance and academic guidance to women who have unplanned pregnancies, says Roman Catholic institutions are generally the "most forward-thinking and accommodating" places for students with children.</p>

<p>Ms. Agee has helped hundreds of such students transfer to Catholic colleges from secular or evangelical institutions. Some religious colleges — particularly those where students sign a code of conduct that forbids them to have premarital sex — expel students who become pregnant.</p>

<p>Some evangelical institutions, however, have started to relax their policies toward pregnant students.</p>

<p>"Over the last 10 years, I've seen evangelical colleges address this issue more," says Chris M. Leland, director of college-student ministries at Focus on the Family, a fundamentalist-Christian organization based in Colorado Springs. "Rather than telling students. 'You're no longer welcome here,' they're offering them more resources."</p>

<p>Many pregnant students who had felt unwelcome at their previous colleges for whatever reason, says Ms. Agee, have found a more accepting environment on Catholic campuses, including Boston College, Georgetown University, and the University of Notre Dame.</p>

<p>Those colleges, she says, help student parents find a place to live and figure out their finances, and offer child care and flexibility in class schedules and assignments.</p>

<p>When a first-year student at Boston College became pregnant last year, officials told her professors to adjust deadlines for assignments and allow her to complete independent work when she could not attend classes. After the student gave birth, academic advisers worked with her to create a class schedule that was compatible with her child-care schedule.</p>

<p>Model Program</p>

<p>Some experts on pregnancy resources for college students describe Georgetown as a model of how institutions should reach out to pregnant students. Despite the university's location in Washington, one of the nation's most expensive real-estate markets, Georgetown officials set aside subsidized housing adjacent to the campus for students who became pregnant while enrolled in the university. This year two mothers are living there with their children.</p>

<p>Carol R.T. Day, director of health-education services at Georgetown, coordinates the university's "pregnancy and parenting" program, which helps students find housing options, counseling, free child care, and supplies, including car seats, books, and toys. The college also maintains a discretionary fund for additional expenses that student parents accrue and even gives them money for travel if, for example, their child's other parent lives far away.</p>

<p>Georgetown provides those services because, as a Catholic institution, it seeks to discourage students from having abortions, explains Ms. Day. But administrators also feel an obligation to serve the needs of women, who make up 54 percent of the undergraduate population, she says.</p>

<p>"We offer these things to be consistent with our mission, but it does surprise me that what I consider to be a very basic program does not exist in more places," says Ms. Day. "We spread the responsibilities for this program among different staff members, and the cost and time are not that large."</p>

<p>Since 1997 more than 30 full-time students have had babies, continued taking classes, and graduated from Georgetown.</p>

<hr>

<p>A Pregnant Cause
Student mothers say some small colleges make it difficult for them to stay in school
By ELIZABETH F. FARRELL</p>

<p>Vanessa Elise Jimenez felt like she had won the lottery when, in the spring of 2000, an acceptance letter from Wellesley College arrived in her mailbox. The college promised to meet her full financial need, and the news gave her hope that she could become the first in her family who would not live from paycheck to paycheck.</p>

<p>Wellesley, a premier women's liberal arts college, was 2,000 miles and a world away from her home in San Antonio, Tex., but Ms. Jimenez thrived on the campus. In her first year, she joined 10 clubs and earned academic honors.
Then, while taking a year off to volunteer, she unexpectedly became pregnant. </p>

<p>Ms. Jimenez, who was raised by a single mother, knew that juggling child rearing and a full-time course load would be tough, but she accepted the challenge. "In the end," she says, "I figured if I worked hard enough, I could make it through."
When Ms. Jimenez returned to Wellesley five months into her pregnancy, though, in the fall of 2003, college officials told her she could not live on the campus with her child. Moving off the campus meant she would lose $9,500 in grant money that covered her room and board.</p>

<p>Although Wellesley did provide Ms. Jimenez with loans equal to the grant money she had lost, and an additional $1,500 in loans for having a dependent, those funds did not cover the difference in housing costs between the dormitories and rental apartments in the affluent suburb of Wellesley. Living off campus, she would have to pay for heat, water, and Internet access — amenities that had been included in her housing costs at the college.</p>

<p>Three other current and former Wellesley students told The Chronicle that after becoming mothers, they too lost grant money that covered their housing costs. Recently, several campus groups have pressured the administration to make it easier for student mothers to complete their studies. The groups want students to be able to keep their grants even if they cannot live on the campus, and they would like the amount of housing aid given to reflect the actual cost of living off campus.</p>

<p>So far, Wellesley officials have not indicated that they will change their policy, which, they say, supports the preservation of the residential-college experience.
Wellesley is not the only small college that does not provide family housing. Swarthmore College, in Swarthmore, Pa., also requires students with children to live off the campus. Both Pomona College, in Claremont, Calif., and Reed College, in Portland, Ore., also lack dormitories for student parents, but both colleges say they either have or would make arrangements for such students to remain on campus.</p>

<p>What is a college's obligation to students with children? Although national statistics suggest that the percentage of full-time traditional-age students who are also mothers has remained roughly the same during the past 20 years, students at some colleges are demanding that their institutions do more to accommodate undergraduates with children.</p>

<p>At the University of California at Berkeley and the University of Maryland at College Park, as at Wellesley, student parents have become a popular cause for both pro-choice and anti-abortion groups, who say colleges need to make it easier for the students to balance their academic goals with their financial demands.</p>

<p>Lawmakers are also taking notice of the issue. In April the U.S. House of Representatives approved the Elizabeth Cady Stanton Pregnant and Parenting Student Services Act of 2005. The bill, which would provide grants to colleges for child care, student family housing, and maternity insurance coverage, is pending in the Senate.</p>

<p>"Today," Rep. Melissa A. Hart, a Pennsylvania Republican who introduced the House bill, said in a written statement, "many students who are pregnant or already have children are finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meet while they are trying to complete their education."
'A Better Place'</p>

<p>The services available to students with children vary greatly depending on an institution's resources. Large research universities with hospitals and family-housing options can more easily accommodate undergraduates who need prenatal medical care or a subsidized place to live with their children.</p>

<p>Yet many small colleges like Wellesley, which has 2,300 students, may not be able to provide the same, according to Scott J. Spear, a physician at the University of Wisconsin at Madison and a volunteer with Planned Parenthood.
"I don't know of any college health center that is equipped to provide maternity care," says Dr. Spear. "Most mothers want to see the same doctor who will be delivering their baby, which requires them to be available 24 hours a day. Most of our centers are 9-to-5 operations."</p>

<p>Most colleges will, however, provide referrals for maternity care, and almost all college insurance health plans will cover this expense for students, says Dr. Spear. Many student health centers, including Wellesley's, do have a nurse-midwife on staff to provide some prenatal care.</p>

<p>Still, some small, residential colleges say they do not go so far as to provide housing for student parents because their space is limited and so few students request it.</p>

<p>"The issue has been pretty rare here," says H. Elizabeth Braun, dean of students at Mount Holyoke College, in South Hadley, Mass. "We're not equipped to house students with children at this time. ... There's been a housing crunch, and things are already tight on campus."</p>

<p>Unlike Wellesley, Mount Holyoke does not change the structure of its financial-aid packages for students who live off the campus, according to Kathy Blaisdell, the college's director of financial assistance.</p>

<p>But both colleges lack written policies on residential arrangements for students and their children. Ms. Jimenez says that by failing to acknowledge the issue in writing, Wellesley would rather pretend that students in her situation did not exist.
When she first asked administrators about the college's housing policy, Ms. Jimenez says she heard the same question repeatedly: "Isn't there a better place for you to go?"</p>

<p>"I told my dean, 'This was my better place,'" says Ms. Jimenez. "Wellesley was like a wonderland to me; it was the best place I had ever seen ... it was rather presumptuous of them to assume I had a perfect family situation I could just run back to."</p>

<p>Ms. Jimenez says she pleaded her case to Wellesley's president, Diana Chapman Walsh, during a private meeting in late November 2003, but to no avail.
Although Ms. Chapman Walsh declined The Chronicle's repeated requests for comment, the college's director of public information and government relations, Mary Ann Hill, confirms that Wellesley would not allow Ms. Jimenez to live on the campus with her daughter. The college, she notes, also forbids students to have guests, including relatives, in their dorms for more than three days at a time.
"Our financial-aid policies support our priority of being a residential institution," says Ms. Hill. "We place value on students living on campus, but students can choose for any number of reasons to not live on campus."</p>

<p>That is not to say that all children are barred from living in Wellesley's dorms. The college does allow resident directors — full-time paid staff members of the college — to reside in apartment-style units with their children.</p>

<p>Wellesley officials also confirm that in the past they have allowed students and their children to stay by living in spare campus apartments that were traditionally designated for faculty members. Ms. Jimenez wondered why the college could not make similar arrangements for her.</p>

<p>"Those students were exceptions to the normal practice and policy," says Ms. Hill. "The arrangement did not have a positive outcome for the students, who left Wellesley prior to graduating."</p>

<p>When asked if she thought Wellesley's policies made it more difficult for student mothers to earn their degrees, Ms. Hill declines to comment. She does say that many students at Wellesley face significant personal challenges, and that the college cannot finance "absolutely everything."</p>

<p>Making Ends Meet
After Ms. Jimenez gave birth to her daughter, Belyn, in December 2003, she moved off the campus. She and her child's father, Christopher, worked as live-in caretakers for an elderly woman who lived two hours away in Somerville, Mass. The couple clocked a combined total of 150 hours of work per week, while Ms. Jimenez took a full course load at Wellesley.</p>

<p>Ms. Jimenez also put in 10 hours a week at a work-study job on the campus. Even with their combined income, she says, the financial strain was overwhelming.
Her financial situation became even more challenging when she broke up with Christopher, who moved back to Texas and failed to send child support. Ms. Jimenez then moved in with Elizabeth Audley, another Wellesley student mother. The two lived together with their children in a house where Ms. Audley also worked as a caretaker. Space was tight, and every night, each woman slept in a twin bed with her baby.</p>

<p>In some ways, Ms. Audley's situation was less dire than Ms. Jimenez's. Because she was a resident of Massachusetts, Ms. Audley had access to more state resources, including welfare assistance and food stamps.</p>

<p>Even with the additional help, Ms. Audley says she was homeless during the summer between her sophomore and junior years after a processing error delayed her financial-aid check. She and her daughter, Lauren, spent two and a half months moving among the apartments of friends and relatives.</p>

<p>"I just kept telling myself that I was lucky I wasn't out on the street," says Ms. Audley. "If that had happened, I don't think I would have been able to bounce back from it."</p>

<p>She wondered what she would have done if she had not had family and friends in the area. She realized that for out-of-state students with children, like her friend Ms. Jimenez, things were worse. That led her to form Sister's Keepers, an advocacy group for student mothers at Wellesley.</p>

<p>Equal Opportunity
Ms. Chapman Walsh, the college's president, has said in speeches that Wellesley is a place where women have "not only equal opportunity but every opportunity." Ms. Audley often cites that quote when arguing that Wellesley should do more to help student mothers.</p>

<p>"We aren't asking Wellesley to do everything for us," says Ms. Audley. "We just don't think it's fair that we're given disadvantaged treatment for choosing to have children and raise them."</p>

<p>In addition to demanding changes in Wellesley's financial-aid policy for student parents, Sister's Keepers has asked the college to provide loans for full-time child care (the current loan structure allows only for part-time care). They also want Wellesley to put its housing policy in writing, so that students know their options when they matriculate.</p>

<p>At Wellesley, as well as at other campuses, the cause has unified groups on both sides of the abortion debate. Sister's Keepers raised $5,000 for an emergency relief fund for student mothers with the help of both the Wellesley Alliance for Women, an anti-abortion group, and Wellesley Women for Choice, a club that supports abortion rights.</p>

<p>"This is a way for both groups to get away from debating abortion and do something to help students who are choosing to become parents," says Serrin M. Foster, executive director of Feminists for Life, an anti-abortion group based in Washington.</p>

<p>Pro-choice groups see the issue as an opportunity to attract student activists who were born long after the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision in 1973, says Laura E. Faulkner, a senior who serves as president of Wellesley Women for Choice.</p>

<p>"We have had trouble for years with students being apathetic about our cause," says Ms. Faulkner. "The more we worked together with the pro-life group, the wider the student body support we had."</p>

<p>Similar efforts on other campuses have brought about modest changes. At Berkeley, students on both sides of the abortion debate raised enough money to install diaper-changing stations in many of the campus bathrooms. Students at the University of Virginia started a free baby-sitting service for student parents. And at Maryland, advocacy organizations helped form a support group for pregnant students and those with children.</p>

<p>Some of the students say they are often told the same thing by administrators:
Because there are relatively few student parents, they are not a priority.</p>

<p>"The students can work hard," says Michael Sciscenti, a recent graduate of the Johns Hopkins University who was active in the college's anti-abortion group, "but if the administration is going to ignore the problem, not much is going to change."</p>

<p>Both Ms. Audley and Ms. Jimenez expect to graduate from Wellesley this June. Before they do, however, Ms. Audley hopes to draft a proposal for suggested changes in Wellesley's housing policy and present it to administrators.
Both students also say they could have left Wellesley to attend a cheaper or more accommodating college, but that staying was a way for each of them to prove they deserved to be there.</p>

<p>"I really felt like at times that I believed more in the empowerment of women against the odds than anyone in the administration did," says Ms. Audley.
It is possible that Ms. Audley's and Ms. Jimenez's experiences could change how Wellesley treats pregnant students in the future. According to Kimberly M. Goff-Crews, dean of students, Wellesley's financial-aid policy for student mothers has been "fair, given the population we're working with," as most students at Wellesley do not have children.</p>

<p>She adds that Wellesley's Elisabeth Kaiser Davis Degree Program, which allows students to take classes part time, is attracting more young mothers to the college than in the past. That increase, she says, might prompt college officials to revisit their financial-aid policies for students who live off the campus.
For Ms. Jimenez, the costs of rent and child care in Wellesley became too much. Last fall Ms. Jimenez says, she could not afford to pay for the statistical software that she needed for a class. She had exhausted her loans and says her credit cards are "a mess." So in January, Ms. Jimenez returned home to San Antonio, one credit shy of earning a degree in environmental studies.</p>

<p>This spring Ms. Jimenez has been taking a full load of courses at University of Texas at San Antonio College in order to qualify for financial aid. She will receive her diploma from Wellesley in the spring, but is unsure if she can afford to return to Massachusetts for her commencement.
"Hopefully," says Ms. Jimenez, "I'll be crossing that stage with everyone else."</p>

<p>CGM:>>oh, don't worry about geting pregnant, your life will be just peachy, when in reality, the majority of pregnant teens have a much more difficult time of it.>></p>

<p>You seem to have missed the posts by Insomniatic in which she apologized for having cast aspersions on the OP's D for having a baby at 16. Where do you get that she got pregnant willingly? I wish you weren't so full of moralizing evangelism without learning all the facts first. Insomniatic is young. What's your excuse?</p>

<p>citygirlsmom - </p>

<p>If the OP wants to help her daughter and is able to do so, so that the daughter can continue to pursue her education, I don't see why it is anyone else's business to criticize their arrangements. </p>

<p>In particular , I just wanted to comment on one of your many comments in the several posts above criticizing the OP and her daughter. You said you find it sad that she never missed school because her baby was sick. The OP said her daughter never missed school for anything baby-related. She never said that she went to school when her baby was sick. How do you even know the baby has been sick? She is only three months old. My kids were older than that when they got sick for the first time. And if the baby had a cold and she went to school as usual, what would be wrong with that anyway?</p>

<p>It is just a small point, but it illustrates that we shouldn't start making unfounded assumptions and judging other people. As has been said by others, the OP is asking for advice on colleges for her daughter, not for a critique of her and her daughter's lifestyles.</p>

<p>"I've heard from many people that my D should assume more of the responsibility of raising her child. As I see it, it's best for her, my granddaughter and myself if I help my D now as much as possible so she can best help herself, and her daughter, in the future."</p>

<p>I loved being a SAHM, although I did so after earning a couple of degrees and working for a large multinational corporation. I returned to work, full time, when my oldest child was 12 weeks old, and my mother and MIL provided child care. I eventually stayed home after child #2, partly because my husband was offered a foreign job assignment. </p>

<p>At this time -- no, actually, at almost any time in history -- being a SAHM is a luxury; one that is not available to everyone.</p>

<p>In the OPs daughter's case, I feel that it is vitally important for her to get the best education possible, at the most selective school she can get into. She faces a challenging future as a single mom, and will need all the skills she can garner.</p>

<p>Like Mom2aMom, I would move heaven and earth to make that happen, even if that meant relocating, giving up a career, family and friends or whatever. Taking care of her granddaughter, while helping her daughter obtain an education, is the most important task at the moment. I admire her willingness to do whatever it takes to make that happen.</p>

<p>Babies love their moms. Even abused children love their moms, at least a little. This baby, while growing up with a loving grandmother and mom, will be just fine. My kids had a special relationship with their grandparents, and I think it is partly due to spending so much time with them as babies and toddlers.</p>

<p>Finally, I don't think anyone would suggest that being a teenage mother is the best choice. But why should it mean the end of this girl's hopes and opportunities. I am a little stuck on her SATs -- M + V is a 1590, achieved early in her junior year of high school. I would hate to see that intelligence go to waste. And as a pro-life advocate, I'm thrilled to see colleges providing housing and other support for undergraduates with kids.</p>

<p>I am so impressed with the young woman and with her mother. Talk about taking a lemon and making lemonade! I hope in some fashion we find out what path she takes. I can't imagine judging her, really I can't. CGM, nowhere in the posts did the OP discuss the day-to-day details of the family life for you to make assumptions and leaps of judgment. As someone else pointed out, many babies don't get sick in the first few months. THere's no reason to think this might not be the case here. Are you really in a position to cast those stones at someone else? Heck, your kids aren't fully cooked yet and only fate knows what their futures hold. I'm sure it will be wonderful but it may not be wonderful in the way you anticipate.</p>

<p>The reason that the OP's daughter can turn her motherhood into a positive for her is because she was able to do so well in school despite having a child at such a young age. Yes, she is very fortunate to have a mother who is so supportive, but she is also unusual in that she was able to continue focusing on academics despite this huge commitment that probably had a tremendous psychological shock on her. This is truly a rarity. If anything, someone like this young lady is an example to uphold among teen mothers to show that one can overcome the situation. You don't have to drop out of school, give up going to college. It is a tremendous problem in our society when teens become pregnant because too many of them do not continue to thrive, and they too often become a burden on society. I do not believe this will encourage teens to get pregnant. They do not thing about the ramifications that far along at that age. For kids who seriously have their sights set on college, having a child is not on their radar screen, and would not be the result of deliberate planning.</p>

<p>Northstarmom --re the gap year idea: most students who take a gap year do something in that year to foster their personal growth -- they may get a job, travel, do community service, etc. But they probably aren't sitting around the house doing nothing.</p>

<p>The problem with the gap year for this young mom is that she obviously cannot travel -- and I can't see how getting a job in lieu of school would be any easier. Maybe you are thinking she needs more bonding time with her kid --but I would have gone nuts if I would have had to stay at home constantly with a 2 year old -- and I was in my early 30's. I think that would be terribly depressing and frustrating for an 18 year old. </p>

<p>The current plan is for a partnership. The grandmother provides support for the daughter and helps with child care, with the understanding that the daughter's "work" entails finishing high school and working toward her college degree -- so that by the time the grandchild is old enough to start school, the mom can be earning real money. </p>

<p>Quite frankly, if I were the OP I would not want to have my daughter living at home after high school simply to take time off to be with the baby -- she is doing enough without being expected to add a year of daughter's down time into the mix.</p>

<p>SJMom, I agree with everything you wrote except the part about the "most selective college" -- I think this girl should go the best fit college, but under the circumstances that may or may not be the highest ranked or most selective. Don't confuse the US News rankings with the quality of education the mom can get -- she should have an open mind and consider that she might prefer a campus that does not have an overly competitive or intense academic culture, simply because she is going to want to also devote time to her family.</p>

<p>calmom:</p>

<p>I'd be in favor of a gap year if the OP's D could get a part time job and take a class or two at a local college. She could thus share in the child-care with her mom, earn some money and maintain her academic momentum. The bonding issue is less important, in my opinion, than allowing her child to grow a bit older. Some day care centers do not accept children under a certain age; others will only take toilet trained ones. And the younger a child is, the more expensive child care is. </p>

<p>But this is only one among possible options. I also agree with best fit, which may or may not be the most selective. But I would not rule out most selective on account of the student having a small child. She has already demonstrated that almost immediately after having her baby (now 3 months old), she was able to start her junior year; that after 2 months, she was able to pass her SAT with flying colors. All this while probably sleep deprived and learning how to be a mom (she is an excellent mom, according to her own mom, the OP). Wherever she does end up, she seems fully capable of handling a tough workload.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Many pregnant students who had felt unwelcome at their previous colleges for whatever reason, says Ms. Agee, have found a more accepting environment on Catholic campuses, including Boston College, Georgetown University, and the University of Notre Dame.

[/quote]
Yup. I posted this yesterday:

[quote]
I would suggest looking at Catholic colleges because the Church has a longstanding mission of serving unwed moms & their babies. She has the stats for Notre Dame & Georgetown & Boston College. I'd give it a shot. Good luck to you, D, & new baby.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>The Wellesley article is an eyeopener for me. I knew that if you commuted rather than lived on campus, you would lose financial aid, but I did not think that living off campus was considered "commuting". The schools I know well have many students living off campus who did not get financial aid cut for that reason. </p>

<p>There are colleges that insist that students live on campus, particularly freshman year unless they are commuters (defined as living with parents). It did not occur to me that there would such dire consequences if there are situations that make it difficult or impossible to stay on campus. I could see why the school may not want to provide on campus housing for mother/child situation but to cut off the financial aid to cover alternative housing seems drastic to me. The OP's daughter will have to look into how colleges do perceive this situation outside of the admissions standpoint. Also, I think the finances of the parent is an excellent point. Does the OP expect to have room and board covered for self? Is she in financial position to make a move?</p>

<p>Notre Dame gives specifics on pregnant student concerns in the Department of Student Affairs page on their website:
[quote]
In keeping with its mission as a Catholic university, Notre Dame is committed to life and to offering students resources that support the choice of life.

[/quote]
University</a> of Notre Dame - Student Affairs - Pregnant Students</p>

<p>Here is the student profile:
73% are in the top 5% of class
87% are in the top 10% of class
The mid 50% received scores of 1350-1490 on the Math + Critical Reading components of the SAT
The mid 50% have ACT scores of 31-34 </p>

<p>Great science opportunities in a new $70million teaching facility:
Jordan</a> Hall of Science // College of Science // University of Notre Dame</p>

<p>Need blind admissions & meet 100% of need. (ALthough OP doesn't indicate that's an issue.)</p>

<p>I think the OP's D would fit in nicely.</p>