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regulary dines in her profs homes
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<p>I'd dine with a male prof., but only if he was hot and it meant a little something would happen afterwards. ;) lol....</p>
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<p>Errr... you lost me here... OK, let's take Erikson's theory - the stage for young adults is what, developing *intimacy *? How does it have any bearing on this discussion?</p>
<p>I'd dine with a male prof., but only if he was hot and it meant a little something would happen afterward</p>
<p>right...
anyway- she doesn't generally go out with her profs alone- for instance when they made what was a relatively annual trip for a few years to see the Harry potter movie- the spouses and kids come along as well, and so do others that are interested-
profs aren't generally interested in college kids- and aside from being such snappy dressers ( lol) why would a college kid be interested romantically ..in general in a prof?</p>
<p>Since I started this thread by posting a link to an article, I'll try to summarize some of my ideas before ending my contribution.<br>
SRmom is very right that we bring different experiences to the discussion of parenting. In my discussions here, the experiences I bring are not always my own. I have been scolded by American friends for not letting my kids cry themselves to sleep ("they'll never learn to sleep on their own"--yes, they did) and by Asian friends for putting my babies not only in their own cribs but in their own rooms ("what a strange Western custom!"). Parenting styles differ from country to country and ought to adapt to each child's personality. As parents, we can take only some of the credit, and only part of the blame, for the way our kids turn out.
For the record, never have I called my S's profs (some of whom I have known for many years) regarding his performance in their classes. I have never called or written his advisors or deans even when I thought mistakes had been made. I encouraged my S to deal with the problems and if the results were not as he wanted, to try to do the best he could in a less-than-ideal situation.
When I suggest that, occasionally, parental intervention is warranted, I am not suggesting that calling profs to discuss one's child missed assignments, etc... is legitimate, unless the child had been in an accident, for example, and the school and profs need to be alerted.I think it is perfectly legitimate for parents to discuss what the implications of their child's prolonged absence will be on his/her academic performance. I should think that profs would be happy to consider accommodations and would not brand such parents "helicopter parents" or "parents from hell."
I do not advocate that parents to complain to deans, profs, etc... if their child gets drunk, has unprotected sex, or otherwise acts irresponsibly. Nor do I expect parents to call deans, profs, in order to protect their student from the consequences of such irresponsible behvaior.
I do believe that parental intervention is warranted if a student is put in a dangerous situation by others and the college fails to protect the student. Don't believe it happens? Please read Wisteria's post on the thread about Random Hall at MIT. The student did try to deal with the situation on her own, without bringing her parents in. She probably would have been alive if her parents had intervened. The student's parents are suing MIT but it's too late to save their child's life.
A more recent case at another university had a happier outcome. A student was assigned to room with someone who turned out to have violent tendencies and stole money. Despite the student's many reports to housing staff in an attempt to be moved out of the room, he was unsuccessful. He came to the conclusion that he needed to move off campus (despite having paid a hefty room and board fee) in order to preserve his physical safety. But the whole experience had a very negative impact on his academic performance. His prof, unfortunately, was unsympathetic. Eventually, the parents contacted a dean who agreed that the situation had been outrageous (after looking into it independently). Methinks that if the parents had contacted that dean earlier, a lot of the stress the student experienced could have been avoided and he would have had a more successful first year.
There is a middle ground between being a parent from hell and being totally uninvolved no matter what happens and whose fault it is. That is the one I try to occupy.</p>
<p>I suspect we all occupy some middle ground, and that the differences in our true actions are a lot smaller than anyone would guess reading this thread. Even the most proactive among us is not suggesting that parents should be involved in the normal day to day of our students' lives (test grades, class schedules, sloppy roommates). And even the most hands-off among us would probably not sit back if we became aware that our child was being stalked by a fellow student, or was receiving death threats, or had been raped in the dorm, or was actively suicidal, and the college was refusing to help. (see post #22 here for a description of the two wrongful death suits against MIT that Marite is referring to: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=88229&page=2&pp=20%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=88229&page=2&pp=20</a>)</p>
<p>I think what we have here is some parents focusing on what they would do, and others focusing on what they would not do, for their college-age kids. They are focusing on different sides of a line to be drawn, which may actually be in more or less the same place for all of us. It's kind of the ole' glass half empty/half full issue.</p>
<p>To join Curmudgeon in the "drama" department (and staying away from Theotherside's psychology department)... No one here should have to defend their parenting decisions, or criticize others for theirs.</p>
<p>emerald--i have always only liked older men. that's it.</p>
<p>Ok thats fair
I like younger ones myself ;)</p>
<p>I especially appreciated Marite's comments about Asian and American differences in how to put young children to bed, because we LIVE those differences at home. Yes, I agree with Texas that most of us are drawing the line in the same place, but choosing examples from opposite sides of that line.</p>
<p>that was an interesting article...but it generated one sorta off topic question for me.</p>
<p>Are we supposed to have our books for the first day of classes? And when do we get the list of books we're supposed to buy? I'm at a loss here, maybe because my parents have handled my affairs to date. :p</p>
<p>Eclipsed:</p>
<p>Does your college have a "shopping period" during which you can add or drop a course? I would suggest waiting until you have decided firmly on which course to take before buying the books for the course. Even if the profs have posted their syllabi online, you may wish to wait until you've listened to a lecture before deciding whether to take the course.
There is a chance that the bookstore will run out of copies of the books you need, but nowadays, online purchases of books are amazingly quick. You don't run the risk of missing huge chunks of materials as you would have done in my days when re-ordering books took weeks.</p>
<p>Under-Involved Parent(U)<br>
Over-involved Parent(O)</p>
<p>(U) Drops S off at college, moves immediately with no forwarding address.<br>
(O) Move is into dorm room next to S. </p>
<p>(U) S should not only fund own education, but also should send enough home so parents can go to Hawaii annually.
(O) Parents rent island of Hawaii for S and friends at spring break.</p>
<p>(U) Forgets name of S's college by Thanksgiving.<br>
(O) Invites college president home for Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>(U) Refers to S's roommate as "the other guy".<br>
(O) Has Robert DeNiro check out roommate.</p>
<p>(U) Finds out S is getting life for fake ID, says S won't do that again.<br>
(O) Protests $25 parking ticket as "cruel and unusual punishment" and discriminatory against students with cars.</p>
<p>(U)"Honey, the Student Health Center is doing the open heart surgery. We can rest easy."<br>
(O)Augments S's Webcam with pimple-ometer for daily AcneTrak. </p>
<p>"Life is a journey, not a guided tour." :)</p>
<p>Hilarious!</p>
<p>Unlike some parents, I don't have the need to 'see' S's environs--at camp, uni or travels. We took him to college tours but didn't accompany him on the tour. I have yet to visit him on campus. Maybe next year.</p>
<p>I have had helicopter moments though, believe me. </p>
<p>token, I sent both Ss to another country for four week camp when they were 9. Okay, the country was Canada but it was a two and a half hour int'l flight + three hour drive + one hour boat ride. </p>
<p>When S1 was 11, the camp forgot to pick him up at the Toronto Intl Airport. Instead of calling home, he went to the snack store. </p>
<p>Another emergency with S2 when he was 11, involving a man with a gun (an American wouldn't you know). Gun toter took S2 and his tummy ache to the hospital contrary to directions from camp director. Loooong story but luckily, one of my best friends, (a GP), had a vacation cottage nearby and intervened at hospital.</p>
<p>cheers, I don't go on the campus tours either. LOL. The admissions people always ask why and I always say the same thing 2 things -"she'll ask better and more questions if I'm not there" and "I've already been to college :)". (I do however use my time to grill the office staff and the janitor and the campus cop and the two kids on the skateboards ....)</p>
<p>The one tour I didn't go on, my son happened to completely reverse his impression of the school (Yale...from very impressed to much less enthused). I never was sure what turned him off...he knew the campus well from a summer program and debate tournaments, so it wasn't the physical aspect of it. I think it might have been some combination of the tour guide and other students whom he interacted with in the process. It didn't seem like a sensible way to come to such a conclusion, and I've always wondered exactly what it was that led to it. Anyway, I wished I'd been there....</p>
<p>Starting in fourth grade, we sent our sons to summer resident sports camps at different colleges. Later they also attended a few summer academic programs. Our stealth motive was to expose them to a variety of campuses from third tier state schools to hyper-selective. They figured out on their own that, at least in terms of facilities, they preferred the latter ... and that they would have to do very well academically to go to one of them. In the event, they attended none of the colleges at which they went to camp, but they had a good starting point and basis of comparison when they began campus visits.</p>
<p>Our sons both were recruited athletes and their senior year in hs they spent virtually every free weekend on an "official visit" to a college, sometimes together and sometimes individually. We didn't accompany them on any of the visits. When coaches and admissions staff asked why, we said it was the boys' decision and that we knew that our presence would distort their experience. We had already helped them pare their lists based on academic program, facilities, coaches, etc., so we realized that the visits were going to be mostly about chemistry and visceral reaction to classes attended and potential teammates/school mates. </p>
<p>We trusted them to see through a lot of the b.s. thrown at them. At our suggestion, each wrote his first impressions in a notebook as soon as he got home. Those notes came in handy when they finally made their decisions months later. After they had made their decisions, they let us see the notebooks ... they showed that our faith in their level-headedness had not been misplaced.</p>
<p>How about parental involvement because every required class is closed? Right now I'm hoping my D can plead her way in, but if that is unsuccessful then we'll have to intervene. This is an extremely expensive, selective school and it is way too much of an investment to her whole family to have a semester wasted.</p>
<p>Mary-
Is your daughter a freshman? This is so unfair!</p>
<p>Update on another issue-
Widener University in Chester PA, has a specialized program for kids with Aspergers Syndrome, with a supervised dorm living arrangement, counseling support, etc.<br>
Hope this helps. I forget who was asking.....</p>
<p>I guess I can understand every required class being filled if FROSH are placed last due upperclass needs. Are you telling us that your daughter will be taking NO electives......no other classes to meet the degree requirement? I find this incredible. Most major requirements are not going to take 8 semesters....how does this elite school work??? Perhaps you have not read the true requirements for the degree?? I am just wondering because I know how it is at my school and there are many classes one takes that aren't required. I believe you but could you at least respond??</p>