Controlling parents forcing college senior to stay in dorms.

I’m 21, turning 22 very soon, and preparing to enter my senior year of college. I have lived on-campus for three out of (what I had expected to be) four years of college. The first two years were fine, I loved it in fact. It was important for me to be in an environment where I was able to make new friends and share milestones with them. The dorms provided an appropriate amount of independence for that age and time period in my life; a period which I have now outgrown.

Last semester, the majority of my class opted to move off-campus. Most apartment complexes are over $1000 cheaper than the dorms, it’s much more quiet, private bed and baths, and you don’t have to deal with the rowdiness that can sometimes occur in the dorms.

However my parents want me to continue to stay in the dorms, as for “peace of mind”. They worry about the fact that anybody can move into the apartment complex and prey on naive students. I’ve expressed to them multiple times that while I understand their hesitancy, staying on campus has been terrible on my mental health. I’m lonely. I’m depressed. I’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight. I seldom see my friends and have close to zero support system at school. I do the exact same thing every day; between work and class from 10am-5pm, it’s repetitive and draining. After this, I come home every day to an empty room.

I can’t go anywhere. I can’t go visit friends, or even get to the grocery store because I don’t have a car. Initially my parents gifted me one the Summer before, but then opted to give it to my (unemployed) older brother [23] after he wrecked his. I still don’t understand their logic on this, as the accident was entirely his fault. He was being careless and could have easily killed himself or somebody else, but as frustrating as it is, I’ve tried to stop bringing it up as it only seems cause more arguments.

But the housing situation is something I refuse to comply with yet again. I can’t do it. It’s now at the point where I’m opting to go completely online and move back home. I’m planning to do summer classes so that I can graduate a semester early, because now I just want my degree. This is frustrating because some of the classes I need for graduation aren’t offered online by my school, I’ll have to find a college nearby and complete transfer classes in addition to my online classes. It’s a hassle and I shouldn’t have to be doing any of this but they will not budge on letting me move off campus.

I’ve been trying to save up, to pay on my own, but I can’t afford to pay rent in addition to paying my tuition and fees on my own, and if I move off campus they said they would no longer help pay for my school. I feel stuck, depressed, and unsure of what to do. I hate that I feel the need to cut my college experience short because of controlling parents.

I’m sorry to say, but if they won’t pay, you have limited options. The good news is you’ve already come so far. Many students live at home for all of college. I was one of them. You will have a degree and be able to get a job and move out, when they can’t stop you and you’ll be able to build your own life.

Keep your eyes on your goal, and don’t despair. Get your degree and go live your life.

If you are going to graduate early, it might be best, and cheapest, to live in a dorm. Most off campus leases are going to be for the entire year, not just the school year. Or one semester. The dorms give a lot more flexibility in the term of the contract/lease.

If an emergency happens like this year, you can’t break the private lease and you’d have to pay even if the school closes or goes to online only.

Is there an upperclassmen dorm? Are there private apartments? If your friends live off campus, catch a ride with them and then Uber back to the dorm.

As a parent paying the bills, I really did like the flexibility of the sorority house (our version of the dorm) when daughter did study abroad and when she took off one semester to go to the Disney college program. No leases to break, no notice, no utilities to disconnect.

Just chiming in to say that’s a huge bummer. As a parent, I do think that’s over-controlling. I feel for you.

Might they approve a bigger budget for you, to pay for Ubers and other ways to do the things you want to do including connecting with your off-campus friends? Maybe that would be a compromise?

Sounds like you’re going to be fine either way, though. Good luck.

  1. telling your parent that you just haaavvveeee to be near your friends and you can’t eat or sleep b/c you are the oooonnnnnllllyyy one who isn’t allowed to stay up all night / live off campus doesn’t help your argument that you are a mature, responsible adult.

  2. telling your parents that " I do the exact same thing every day; between work and class from 10am-5pm, it’s repetitive and draining.After this, I come home every day to an empty room." is not going to help your case with them either- and it wouldn’t help you with a lot of the 20-somethings I know. Whatever you aren’t loving now, wait until your day is 8am - 6pm and as the junior person on the team everybody is riding your case all the time. And there is no dining hall to take care of dinner for you.

  3. be careful about which classes - & especially where- you take away from your home college. Many colleges are really particular about how many of your upper level credits you need to take with them in order for them to give you a degree with their name on it.

This sounds like more than just a housing issue. If you aren’t leaving your dorm, losing weight, and isolating for reasons other than social distancing because of Covid-19, those are red flags for depression. Go see a mental health professional. Many are doing telehealth right now, but it’s better than not doing anything.

In terms of the housing, If there are cheaper options off campus housing, do a cost analysis for your parents to show them that even for a full year, costs are less than the dorm. You can also call the landlords and get the % of renters who are students at your school to help alleviate your parents’ concerns.

That all said, as a parent, in terms of moving out to an apartment, this would be a tough time for me to allow that. At my D’s school, those in dorms got a partial refund. Those in off campus apartments are stuck with the whole year’s rent.

Also not clear why you couldn’t go back to school and in the Fall and just finish in one semester and then move out to your own place? If you can do that online, you should be able to do it at school.

exactly the kind of adult thinking that wins over parents.