Most colleges that I’ve been considering require you to live on campus with a roommate. I have severe anxiety and panic attacks that are induced by a lot of the things (I feel like it would be too much to list) that I know I will encounter in dorm life. I’m horrified. As I’m writing this I am shaking (I did say severe). One time I tried to face my fears and I went to a camp to volunteer my freshmen year (my anxiety is much worse than then). The dorm room was really messy. I fell to my knees and had a panic attack. Humiliating. Then I gained a degree of compusure and started to clean the worse mess I have ever seen in my entire life. Another panic attack followed. I ended up getting put in a “special” room (I think it was made for staff) with a girl with OCD. We argued a lot. Things should be grouped in 2s! 3s! 2s! Yeah, you know.
Anyways I’m scared. Im also scared that even if I living off campus is an option - Living with my parents will be horrible too. My parents are extremely strict. Extremely. All I do other than school is volunteer and that means a lot to me but I can’t do it often because almost always I’m grounded (all I can do is go to school, do homework, no internet or even flip phone to text/call anyone). Why am I trouble so often? Most the time it’s something dumb like being accused of lying when I’m going to go volunteer at a soup kitchen (we have to take pictures for our school newsletter so I can prove I’m not lying -.-’) or that I’m in a relationship with my best friend (which is ridiculous - I’m straight). Or they’ll go through my messages and I get in trouble for saying that they are strict to my friends (my friends know. I can barely do anything I’m grounded so much).
Anyways some things do help with my anxiety - the ability to control my small little environment (my room) and having pets.
Neither of those seem like they will be a possibility in a dorm room environment.
Please help.
And because if anyone actually read they will ask - Yes, I am receiving help. No, it’s not helping. I’m getting progressively worse.
Honestly I’m just really tired of being known as the girl who shakes or the girl who has panic attacks. I just want to be calm. Not happy. Happy is too overly optimistic. Just calm for once in my life.
If you have documented your anxiety with a physician, the college’s housing may allow you to have your own room. It is usually through the student disabilities office and will probably require a physician’s signed statement. Good luck!
I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I do hope you will continue to seek help, but since that isn’t what you asked about…
Colleges offer different levels of support for these issues. Please be sure to look into what is available at the schools you are applying to. Many (most?) schools will also try to provide accommodations for students with special needs. These don’t have to be physical needs (like wheelchair access). You may be able to get the needed forms from the school you choose for your doctor to fill out requesting a single room. That may not be a guarantee that it will happen… much depends on the school, and availability…but it sounds like that is going to be an important factor in your college selection.
It sounds like, though you are ready to be independent from your parents, you also feel most at ease at home, so a college where weekend visits home are possible might be a good idea in case you just need that time to regroup.
Another thing to consider is the school’s policy on medical leave, should you need it.
I am not sure how much you have explored these forums, but there are many here who have similar issues, or who have kids with similar issues. You aren’t alone.
To me proximity to my parents is definitely the most important factor with my separation anxiety. Thankfully with Skype and FaceTime maybe it won’t be as bad as I think? Medical leave is definitely something I need to keep in mind. I’ve been hospitalized once and needed to be but wasn’t many many times. I guess the other major thing is the dependency on my parents. My parents pressure and threaten me to eat every single meal and don’t know how to survive without all of that pressure. Its been years since I’ve fed myself without pressure and threats… Ugh, it’s just all so scary
I try to ask people for help and all I get is a lot of discouragement. Other than faith - education is the most important thing to me and I won’t be discouraged.
I haven’t explored the forums at all and in a way that’s really encouraging.
You said that you have been seeking help. Do you go to regular appointments? Are you on any medication? When treating anxiety and panic attacks it has been found that a combination of therapies works best. I have a close family member who has some of the same issues and has found significant relief with the combination.
You may want to talk to specific colleges’ programs for disabled students. Since you’re getting help, it seems that you will probably be able to get the right documentation/paper work that such programs will ask for. I’m currently in a room by myself because of accommodations my school was able to give me. As for parents, yes, that’s hard – I’ve dealt with a similar situation, although for different reasons.
I’ve been in therapy since before Kindergarten. Honestly I’m starting to give up. I know what they are going to say. It’s just useless. Um, not currently. At the hospital i was forced to go to (they said they would call CPS on my parents) and they said I had (literally forced) to take the meds to get released (my parents couldn’t get me released w/o getting CPS called) I told them the medications were making me dizzy and faint (heart problems - physiatrist wouldn’t listen) so I just purged them. After leaving I continued to take the antidepressants and they made me much worse and much more suicidal. So yeah. I doubt I’ll take medications again…
Have you tried a different therapist? I am sure you already know there are many different medications you can try, and even different dosages can have different affects, so there may be much more you can try if you have a doctor / therapist who will work with you. It can also make a difference to start with a lower dosage and ease up to a higher one rather than starting with a higher dose, that may be harder for your body to handle.
This would be an excellent time, your junior year, to make a concentrated effort on getting things in place. You are now reaching a time when you are able to start making more decisions for yourself, and once you are done with school, you get more flexibility to design your lifestyle in a way that works best for you, and you will have more experiences to draw on. Now is not a time to give up.
You really need to get on medication and experiment until you find one that works. Yes, I said experiment, because working with your doctor that is exactly what the process entails: lots of trial and error. One of my best friends/co-workers tried nearly every drug and had limited success in managing his symptoms. Eventually he found that some drug added to his regular mix worked well (I think it was Abilify, maybe??). Now he has virtually no issues at all. One of my kids tried a few different combinations before they settled on one that worked.
It sounds like you have a lot going on. Would you say your parents are more supportive than not? It’s hard to tell because you are saying a lot of negative things, like they pressure you and force you to eat (do you have an eating disorder?) but then you are worried about being apart from them. Do you have a therapist you can talk to? Finding the right one may take a few tries, but once you find a skilled person you can trust, it can make all the difference.
For now, i would concentrate on getting healthier. College will always be there, but I would not recommend going away when your problems are getting worse. College will add its own pressures to an already stressed system.
I don’t get it. The title mentions “overbearing parents” yet “separation anxiety” is also mentioned. Which is it? One of the best things my live-in boyfriend helped me understand while we were at college is that my relationship with my mother was toxic. Every time I talked to my mom on the phone, I ended up crying. Every time. So he advised me to stop calling her, and I stopped calling home. Didn’t talk to her for months. That helped me re-center and understand my relationship with her better.
And why is college such a focus? Are your parents ignoring that maybe, just maybe even, you shouldn’t go to college immediately after high school? Have you looked into trade schools, or getting a job after high school?
Here is an idea - have you thought about becoming a vet tech? There are 18-month programs out there and you can work with animals. Or how about other jobs that don’t require college where you can work with animals? College can come later if you want it.
It sounds like your parents need therapy more than you do (who sends a kindergartner to a therapist? who keeps their kid in therapy if it isn’t working?). You sound like you recognize things are rough right now, and pressure about college is too much.
Could you look into volunteering at an animal shelter, vet’s office, or zoo now, with an intent to get certified as a vet tech? Working with homeless people is great, but perhaps you should think about coordinating your volunteering with a job you might want to do after HS.
I teach college, and the most common problem I find is that some 18 year olds are not ready for college. I have students who are in their 20s just starting college, and they are more understanding of the work that is needed, and have their focus. Often they have a job that is paying for their schooling, so they take their schoolwork more seriously. You could be someone who should not go to college at 18, and your parents pressuring you is making a bad situation worse.
Good luck and I hope somehow your parents have an epiphany about you as an individual, and not a child to punish 24/7.
I’m going to try to answer all of these questions. Thank you for all the responses & being so helpful. I have a lot to think about now.
My parents are very supportive. They are doing their best to raise me. Yes, I have anorexia with bulimic tendencies. I came out of a verbally and sexually abusive household… They are just trying too hard I think and I think it has to do with that. It is both seperation anxiety and overbearing parents! >.> Anytime I’m away from them even at school I’m scared Im going to do something stupid. No, they aren’t totally crazy. I NEEDED therapy at that age. I was in a very abusive situation. At this point there’s not much else I feel like a therapist could help me with. It hasn’t been helping and I panic about going. I don’t even talk to them really… I’ve switched many times. Honestly I don’t know if medication will work. I want to experiment but at the same time I’m not sure if it’s “for me”. I know what ALL of these issues stem from which is why none of my therapists have urged me to take medication (except for mental hospital - but they apparently think meds are for everyone) even though most of their clients do.
College is a focus because it’s very important to me. I’ve struggled a lot and put a lot of my perfectionism and redirecting my anxiety (I don’t know if that’s good or bad) into school. I have a 4.01 GPA (trying to improve on that >.>) and I’m 16 in my class of 600ish. My goal is top 10 (doable I have 7 APs next year). School is what keeps me from going over the edge. On summer break because of the lack of structure… I have panic attacks and eventually end up near-hospitalization. (As I’m writing this I’m starting to realize how crazy I sound) I love school. If it weren’t for school I would be dead. I know not many people even like school… It’s the structure. I love to learn. Then my teachers all really like me and are really supportive (I can’t relate to people my age very well).
I panic at school but it’s actually the most calm environment. I’ve only been so bad as to go home or to the nurse three times this year so far. Which I’m actually really proud of. ^.^ I know college will be different but I don’t think putting it off is the right option for me.
I haven’t thought of of being a vet tech. I have one major aspiration in life. A very singular focus that is literally the only reason I haven’t shot myself in the head. Lol Since as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a doctor. I think I’ve already mentioned this before but my faith is really important to me and I don’t think God would put such a strong desire in my heart to do something without giving me a way to accomplish that. Somehow it’s going to happen. >.>
My DD has anxiety and the right medication has made it so much better. She went from being afraid to sing at a concert to voluntarily singing over the intercom to the entire school. Spend HS finding a medication that works for you. Many don’t or have side effects that are bad enough that you need to switch to something else.
Some of the schools I’ve been visiting with my son DO have single rooms. Yes, you’ll pay more. But it sounds as though this would make your life a whole lot easier.
OK, this is said with love: you deserve help and wellness. Tomorrow (if you have school, ours are closed for February break), go to guidance and speak to your guidance counselor, or to the head of guidance. Get a counselor who can and will help you. While you probably think you’re the only one suffering this way, know that in all liklihood, the director of guidance has dealt with similar issues many, many times before. He will have a list of local counselors, one of whom will help you find good health.
Now, let’s talk about that major. I, too, have a strong belief in God. But, perhaps because I’m an old lady in my 50’s (or maybe it’s because I’m the mom of some teenagers), my view is a little different than yours. I firmly believe that God is willing to work with options for each of us. So keep the dream of medicine alive… but don’t limit yourself. Consider some less stressfull alternatives. (And I’m pretty much just making this up; some of these may be more stressful than what you’re considering.) How about nursing? Becoming a PA? Radiation tech? Physical Therapist?
I understand what you need about needing a focus. Nine years ago, when I was going through radiation and breast reconstruction, my focus was, believe it or not, an upcoming trip to Disney World with my husband and kids. I had myself pretty firmly convinced that it would happen-- it had to, we had the reservations and hours and hours and hours of planning to prove it. And yes, I knew that didn’t make sense. But that’s OK; it was my lifeline and I gladly clasped onto it until the darkness passed.
Sorry for the ramble. But my focus, the one thing I want you to take away from this is that if your current counselor isn’t helping, get another. And another and another and another until you find the one who helps you. You deserve wellness.
Sorry, but I am confused. You say you came out of a verbally and sexually abusive household but then you say your parents are very supportive and doing their best to raise you. Were you living with someone other than your parents when you referred to the abuse?
