Coping With Rejections

Applying to College
1

I applied to a couple guarrantee schools, and many reach and super reach schools. Five rejections in I’m feeling very down. I heard from Bates today, my last chance at staying in my home state for the amazing college education I want and was rejected. My top choice schools were Colgate and Bowdoin, Colgate I was flat out rejected and Bowdoin I was waitlisted, but all info says its just as good as rejection. Not only that, but even if I got off the waitlist I may not get the financial aid that I desperately need. The only college acceptances I have at the moment are 80% and up acceptance rate schools, and not to sound ungrateful, but it stings. I grew up thinking I was good enough to get into schools like Colgate and schools with 20/30% acceptance rates, but now I just feel stupid. I feel like I’m not smart and I never was, even though I got top ten in my class (class of 110 so I guess it’s nothing to really toot my horn about).

I’ve always taken things hard, rejection in social situations and insults to my looks/personality, and now the only thing I thought I had going for me, my academics, has been insulted too and I have no idea how to handle it. I’ve been so sad that my body is actually exhausted. The biggest gut shot is the status update from Bowdoin where they invited me to put myself on the waitlist and said that they were sure that I had many other great schools as options because of my qualifications or whatever it is colleges say, and I haven’t. I really wanted to follow in my Mom’s footsteps and go to Bowdoin, but I just wasn’t good enough.

I guess what I’m asking for is any advice any can give on how to cope with stuff like this, the rejection, the acceptance of the rejection. I know it’s not supposed to be taken personally, but it’s hard not to when you have hundreds, even thousands of people picked over you

2

You are good enough!!
Keep your head up and try not to worry so much about what other people think about you! You have to believe in yourself. That is the only way anyone else who matters to you, will believe in you. It’s a great dream to want to follow in your mother’s path, - and that dream isn’t over yet, so keep thinking positive. Remember just because your math doesn’t mirror your mothee’s, doesn’t mean you won’t have a fantastic and bright future!! You can do great things wherever you wind up, and if you believe it too, you will!!!

3

And another thing… who cares if you have 1, 10 or 100 no’s? No one remembers that stuff. All you need is 1 yes. I tell that to my daughter because she wants to go to college for basketball. She doesn’t have 1 school recruiting her and she is bummed. I tell her, who cares if you have 50 schools who tell you - no- all you need is 1 yes!! You are NOT alone :slight_smile:

4

most of the people who post on here only share if they got accepted or if they have insanely high stats. The truth is the admission process is really random and even if you are more than qualified you may get rejected still. I feel it too… applied to 9 schools accepted to 2, waitlisted from 1 rejected from 3 and still waiting to hear from 3. Best of luck to all.

5

Are you still waiting for answers?
Your mistake wasn’t to overestimate yourself - it was applying only to reaches and super safeties.
What’s your budget? Are you willing to go anywhere?
Because after May 1st, colleges collect data on their freshman class and those that miscalculated yield will post on a special list with a rep’s email (often called the NACAC list, published around May 4-5). Needless to say spots at top colleges are snapped up so you must be on it - email the rep the day they appear on the list, introduce yourself and express interest, check if there are restrictions and financial aid, and send your common app. Is that something you’d be willing to do?

What are your stats? Would taking a Gap year make sense - building a list with more target colleges and doing something you like?

6

I’m sorry that this happened to you! I’m sure you were well qualified- the college admissions process is just starting to seem random at this point. There are kids at my school with AMAZING grades and EC’s that still got rejected from top-tier colleges.

Is it possible that you could go to community college for a year or two and then transfer into Bowdoin? In my home state, there’s a transfer program that pretty much guarantees you admission into a UC if you successfully complete two years of CC. I’d look into that and see if there are options for you. Good luck, and keep your head up.

7

You did everything right. It’s not over yet. Let it play out and see if you get into one of your colleges or off the waitlist. If not, take a gap year, and get a college consultant to get some extra help. Remember elite colleges now have few seats left after they fill their reserved spots for URM, geo-diversity, recruited athletes, Posse, Questbridge, legacy and other feeder groups. Very few spots are left for students with sterling stats and ECs. But see what happens. It’s not that you overestimated your abilities. You are very capable, but there are lots of forces outside your control.

8

It’s tough. I got rejected by my dream school that I’ve loved for a lifetime. I got 3 other rejections, one acceptance and I am still waiting to hear from some CSU’s . i’m confused

9

You need to learn to like yourself. Focus on positives. Consider starting an exercise program.

There will always be disappointments for life for everyone–it is how you handle them that matters. And that is within your control.

I would like to know of the colleges & universities to which you were accepted & of any special programs/majors/offerings at those schools that appeal to you.

10

@undercoverhail My son was outright rejected by Bowdoin. Just want to illustrate that there is a difference between waitlisted and rejected. From what I’ve read and the stats I’ve looked up, good schools only put students on their waitlists that meet their standards and would be desired attendees. So, this has nothing to do with your intelligence or qualifications, it has to do with ever increasing enrollment rates and also a lot of spots get filled in ED. I agree with another commenter who suggested you need to know your own value. As a parent (decades older than you), I can attest that handling disappointment without being shattered is probably the most valuable life skill you can hone. I feel your disappointment (my son is also dealing with a mix of acceptance, rejection, and waitlisting). This is part of the process. Be kind to yourself.

11

Please try not to beat yourself up. You are clearly a smart and capable person to have gotten where you are. You MUST NOT compare yourself with your mother because everything has changed since she went to school. I went to a top IVY that I could never get into now. My kids could never get in and they are smarter and more accomplished than I was. Here are some stats from another user’s post to show you how much things have changed.

Many of us, parents, had no idea at the beginning of the college search that things had changed so much. When I first started looking with D1, I assumed that NYU was still a safety school! Unless you were lucky enough to have an involved and savvy guidance counselor or to have found the right threads on this website, you could easily have created a college list that lacked appropriate match schools. Not your fault at all. Its too early to despair. You need to just wait and see which acceptances come in. Also remember that there is no shame in going to a safety school. My D1 ended up at her safety for many reasons and she LOVES it. Could not be happier. Every day, we are thankful things worked out this way. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. This site is full of stories just like ours. I don’t want to ramble on too much in this post, but if you want my list of all the reasons why its often BEST to choose your safety. PM me.

12

I wanted to add one more thing. Don’t judge a school by its admit rate. Chicago wasn’t a poor school in 1998 and a suddenly a great school today. Its the same school. Those 80% admit rate schools that have accepted you may be the 20% schools of tomorrow. They may be the schools that your kids are beating themselves up over. A school is “good” if it has what you need to succeed in life. If those schools can give that to you, they are good schools. Think about your future after college and work backwards.

13

Being a Maine resident may have played against you. Every top Maine student is enticed to apply to Bowdoin, Bates & Colby by their incessant marketing. (Maine Day at Bowdoin etc) Their marketing and branding is tough to ignore. That’s how these relatively small colleges get thousands of applications- which they never intend to admit because they are looking for geographic diversity. Believe me, you are not alone. Onward! There are equal quality LAC’s all over the country. Don’t fall for their hype. You are probably a great student ( don’t know your stats, just assuming) and the other schools will love a top Maine student! Good luck.

14

My cousin was a great high school student. She got rejected from almost every school she applied to and was left with one choice–she took that choice, made the best of it, got her undergrad and grad from that choice and has had amazing opportunities and no regrets.

I also was rejected from my top school and ended up at another choice–I never looked back.

It might not be the worst thing to have an experience different than your mom’s too.

This has nothing to do with you being good enough–it has everything probably to do with you falling into a category where there are many similar people so only a few got chosen.

My spouse went to a big state school. He had lots of fun and his friends are tremendously successful in all kinds of interesting fields of study. He had terrific opportunities there.

It’s not so much where you go, but what you make of it–you sound like an amazing person. You will find your way.

None of us like rejections, but the more you reach out and get rejected from time to time, the more resilient you become and the more resilient you become, the better able you are to reach the dreams and places you want to be. I wish you well.

15

i understand how you feel and im in a similar situation, i applied to schools with 20-30% acceptance rate and got rejected from them all, and now i will end up attending a small branch of a state-related school. i am trying to make the best of it so i can transfer in a year or two. but it is very frustrating. i can only think that like @Seekwise said, its what you make of it and sometimes things happen for a reason.

16

You are not alone in the way you feel, but remember that although it feels like the worst thing that has ever happened to you, in the long run it is not that bad. Around this time next year, you would have moved on to better things to worry about.

You can’t undo what has already happened and worst case would you will enroll in a school that you think you don’t like but find out it is not that bad after all or transfer after a year to a school of your choice. If you decide to transfer you will need to put extra effort and maintain a good GPA and be able to get a couple of good Letters of recommendation from you profs

It is very important for you to look at this in a positive light. Think about what is that appeals to you about these reach/super reach schools you applied to,is it their name? prestige? Bumpersticker worth? reputation? or is it that these schools are great fit for YOU? it should match your goals, your interests, and your personality. You should pick a school where you will be comfortable with the academic rigor and student body. It should about YOU.

Dont pick a school because of legacy or prestige if it doesn’t match your objectives, it doesn’t matter if your mom went there, it was her choice.

Now if you get stuck in this mind frame you will have rough time doing well in what ever school you pick. You will never be happy there, so please let it go and look at the positive aspects of the schools you are accepted to.

Alternatively you can transfer after a year, or aim higher for grad school. I am not sure what your intended major is but sometimes it’s money well spent in a good grad school than a expensive undergrad LAC.

Good Luck!

17

I’d like to thank every single one of you for your comments and helping me feel better about all of this.

(I’m not sure what the forum rules are and I don’t know where to find them so I’ll just tag each one of you in this comment)

@wildcat1313 thank you for your kind words and I’ll try and think on the positive side about my acceptances. <3

@StressssedOut my mother was just telling me on the car ride home how random things are and they could choose someone with the same credentials as you over you because they play an instrument the band needs or are a goalie for soccer, etc. etc. I hope you get good news from the rest of your schools.

@MYOS1634 I still have 3 or 4 answers left, but they’re all low acceptance schools and I know I won’t measure up just like I didn’t for these ones I’ve been rejected from. My budget is very small, I don’t have a large college savings account, barely even a small one. I’ll have to ask my mother about the NACAC list, I’ve never heard about it and she probably knows what it is. By stats, I’m not sure what you mean. My mother mentioned taking a gap year to go travel, but I could tell she was kind of joking, I’m worried that it would hurt me when I reapply to these schools that already denied me.

@sevana2020 I think I’ll probably end up going to a school in the University Of Maine system and reapply to my favorite schools and see what happens.

@preppedparent Thinking about all those spots that are already filled really frustrates me, just because I’m not a star athlete or a super whiz… Thank you for your kind words <3

@SweetCaliforniaWeather-12 I’m sorry about your rejection <3 I hope things work out for you

@Publisher I’ve been accepted to Wheaton, Suffolk, Ithaca, University Of Maine at Orono, and University of Southern Maine. The only thing that appeals to me at the Maine schools is that they’re still in my state and I’ll be able to see my family. Ithaca I know more about and actually like, they have a good study abroad program with lots of options. I like their location, they have a major in writing which many places didn’t have. I’m just waiting on the financial aid from them. Suffolk isn’t an option because they want me to pay 20,000 or maybe even more a year, a can’t remember because we already ruled it out as soon as we saw that. University of Maine schools I’ll get half off because my Mom works for the system, but I’m just not in love with those schools like I was the others. Wheaton, I don’t know anything about.

@mrjsmom I’m sorry about your son, I hope he gets into a school he really loves. Thank you for your kind words <3

@gallentjill Thank you for your stats and advice and if I think of any questions I’ll be sure to message you.

@HCPP20 It is unfortunate that being a Maine resident worked against me, because I most of all wanted to stay in my state for college so that I could see my friends and family more often. It sucks that geo diversity may have played a part, even in a small way, to some of my rejections.

@Seekwise Thank you for the well wishes and your success stories you’ve shared with me. I would have liked to go to Bowdoin, not just because of my mom, but also the closeness to home and the beautiful area, and what I’ve seen first hand of what a great school it is.

@ACollegeHopeful3 I’m sorry that you got rejected to, I hope you have an amazing time at your school, make lots of friends, and earn more achievements to put on your next apps!

@Wisdom2share Of course some of what drew me in to these schools was their big name, I knew that it would help me when looking for jobs because in the publishing world it isn’t easy to start from no where. I’ll try and look at some positive aspects and make the most of it <3

18

@undercoverhail: do give news. :slight_smile:

19

@MYOS1634 I’ll try and remember if I don’t get too caught up in the stress. Thank you for caring <3

20

Ithaca and Wheaton are two very good colleges. Plan an overnight, woth meeting students (honors professor and honors tour if you got into honors at Ithaca), attending 2 classes, visiting the library to see if it makes you feel like studying there, and the gym to see if you’ll be enticed to exercise :slight_smile:
You’re right, connections are very important in the publishing industry, but hopefully you didn’t apply to ALL possible colleges - did you apply to Connecticut College, Hamilton, etc? If you’re a girl, Barnard? And of course venture into the Midwest and south.
Next year you should not reapply to the exact same colleges - if they didn’t admit you once they’re not going to think, oops we made a mistake - unless you did something extraordinary between your application and the new cycle, like a book that was being optioned really pulled through (it’s a long cycle in book publishing). I suppose it’d make sense if you applied to the three Maine colleges obviously.
If money is a concern, a Gap year is better than trying to transfer: there are more spots for freshmen than transfers at top schools and transfers typically get lousy aid (except at some meed 100% need schools but these may only admit fewer than 10 transfers…)
During your gap year, you can’t take ANY college class. You can do a high school year abroad (yfu and CIEE offer this I think). You can work and volunteer. You can retake tests until graduation if you want them considered.