<p>This came from a teacher 3 years ago:</p>
<p>“If Beyonce were here, you guys would be listening quietly with yours eyes wide open. Well, I’m Beyonce so shut up and pay attention.”</p>
<p>^ Lmao I love Beyonce.</p>
<p>It’s ironic, because people shout & stuff during her concerts. Nobody would go to her concert with their eyes wide open and their mouths closed for the whole thing… and I highly doubt anyone jots down every single thing she says.</p>
<p>“I’ll know if you used sparknotes for this!” (this is in reference to a independent reading project I had to do every quarter for English last year)
-ha, used sparknotes, still got a 100.
“Don’t mess up, it’s easier to grade your tests when you get a 100!” (my math teacher last year said this a few times)
“This is only an intro class guys”- said by my forensics teacher very often as an excuse to why we don’t get any work done
My APUSH teacher last year liked to start singing “1 is the loneliest number…” when someone in the class did/said something stupid (this is in reference to getting a 1 on the AP exam)</p>
<p>“Besides, empirically verifying anything in the social sciences, even the hard sciences, is overrated.” - English teacher, no hint of sarcasm.</p>
<p>“Here are a few cuties. After that, go tackle this nasty.”
— seventh grade math teacher (referring to math problems)</p>
<p>Cutie religion teacher with cutie accents:
“If I see any of you collaborating on this test, I’ll give you a 100%. 50% for you and 50% for you. And remember, the percentages only go down from there.”
— Bible teacher, on our test yesterday (taken at a big table in the lunchroom where we were practically sitting on top of each other. She has this really dry accent so it sounded hilarious.)
“Ach, this SmartBoard- never is it smart. Why is it they call it smart? They measure its IQ?!”
— Other Bible teacher (pretty much every day. Also with cute accent. Our SmartBoard is impossible. As I sit right in front of it, I tend to fix it for her ever class, to the point that when I missed a class last week, she told me I can’t miss her class ever- because without me, she can’t write on the board. Boy, I felt loved…)</p>
<p>On the subject of why you need to learn math:
“Why do you need to know this? You’re asking WHY you need to know this? YOU’RE REALLY ASKING ME WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS?!?!” (all menacing. Then-) “Well, I can’t answer, because I don’t know why the heck you need it myself.”
— 8th grade math teacher
"“You need to know geometry so that you can take the SAT and escape high school to college where you won’t need to take any stupid subjects like this if you don’t want to. Except me. And look where I ended up!”
— 10th grade math teacher (who actually loved being a math teacher but didn’t love geometry)
“When do I use math? To teach you geniuses!”
— current math teacher
“What do you mean, when else? What do you think, I use functions to bake cakes?”
— same math teacher</p>
<p>Wacky Social Studies teachers:
“SO we need a name for our little baby. How about LaDwayne? or Methuselah? Oh, I know. What about MAAAAH-vin?”
— econ teacher (he was talking about what the world will be like in 20 years for a baby born today. He has a British accent and- well, just say the name Marvin in the exact way it’s written above, with the wackiest, broadest British accent you can conjure up, and add that to the carzy factor of the name Marvin, and you’ll see why my whole class totally collapsed.)
“If I catch you talking one more time, I will DEFENESTRATE you! And thank God, there’s not very much manure lying in piles around the school- though probably enough litter to cushion the fall.”
— history teacher (who was teaching on the fourth floor of an NYC townhouse-style building. She also has the disconcerting habit of picking up her pencil and pointing it at a talking student as she charges over to her and screams, “En garde!” And seems genuinely puzzled when we all jump out of our skins.)</p>
<p>History teacher once looked at a student and said “I’m pretty sure your supposed to wear a bra with that.”</p>
<p>So I fall asleep in AP Chem a lot and recently I moved seats to sit with my friends who help me stay awake. Except with them I’m a lot louder and a bit crazier. So once I was being loud after I had finished my work and I was holding my phone. My teacher saw me, took the phone and said “I liked you better when you were asleep!”
It sounds sort of mean but you don’t know my Chem teacher.</p>
<p>My APUSH teacher likes to call us “fluffy bunny marshmallow Eastside children” and tell us to “stay in school, kids.”</p>
<p>Also, “According to your demographic…” and he likes to jab at the Physics teacher.</p>
<p>My Math teacher occasionally puts up unusual animal facts and he goes off on tangents about things unrelated to math.</p>
<p>My English teacher and Physics teacher both have really strange humor that is two parts sarcasm, one part why are you all morons, and three parts god you are adorably naive and uncultured.</p>
<p>“Ohhhh,ohhhh,ohhhh… you aren’t even helping the class, it’s sounds like a bad porno”</p>
<p>“You swore at me, so you get to pass this class…I think your brother is going to kill me, so you get to pass this class…You laugh funny, so you don’t get to pass this class…”</p>
<p>“No, I will not look at your English essay. It’s winter break! You should be outside, skipping and singing with the birds and the fresh air and doing God knows what you teenagers do!”</p>
<p>I fall asleep in math a lot. My math teacher tells me to go home and sleep, and we’ve had pretty long conversations during class about the merits of sleeping versus utilising that time to do work that I really should have done four ours ago.</p>
<p>Kid: “I hate high school.”
Teacher: “Then why are you on the five-year plan?”</p>
<p>That’s rich. xD</p>
<p>This is an open-ended question, there is no right or wrong. But if your answer is too different from the suggested answer, I won’t give you any marks for that question.</p>
<p>“I’m about to drop-kick you out the window.”</p>
<p>“MAN you guys are nerds.” (AP Physics LOL)</p>
<p>“What’s been your easiest AP class?”
“Yours”
“Oh.”</p>
<p>(discussing Dante’s Inferno)
“I wish I could swoon like Dante.”</p>
<p>(told my English teacher I was going to read The Handmaid’s Tale)
“Get ready for some awkward sex.”</p>
<p>“I should probably lock the door so that the administrators don’t find out what I’m telling you.”</p>
<p>“Girls, not that you don’t look nice, but you need to cover up. You don’t know it, but boys are secretly thinking, ‘OH MY GOD SHOULDERS!!!’”</p>
<p>“Are you teething?”
“Um, no?”
“Then stop whining like a baby.”</p>
<p>“I really want some dead bodies to poke at.”</p>
<p>(students decided to make steak on a George Foreman grill during a lecture)
“You boys are really dumb.”
“No, just hungry.”
“No, you didn’t bring any tongs to take the steak off.”</p>
<p>I fall asleep in this class almost every day. I awoke to find the class talking about me.
“She does this every day…”
“I know. I don’t know what to do about it. I even made her test harder and she still aced it.”</p>
<p>This one is my personal favorite. There was an internet meme about a teacher and how boring his class was. It said, “One does not simply stay awake in economy.” He found out.
“The worst part is that after an entire semester, this student thinks my class is called economy.”</p>
<p>Junior year, “Hitler as we all know it was a DIC… A DIC… TATOR!! DONT u forget it A DIC…
TATOR all of the DIC…TATORS where… BAD”</p>
<p>LAME jokes that no one laughs at in chem…</p>
<p>My dual-enrollment professor, lecturing about Marxism: “There aren’t a lot of Marxists these days, but about 15 years ago there was this professor in the history department who was like a hardcore Marxist…”</p>
<p>Me: “Do you remember the professor’s name?”</p>
<p>Professor: “Yeah, Dr. So-and-So.”</p>
<p>Me: “That’s my grandfather.”</p>
<p>“The tennis is on so you can do what you like while I watch it in the staffroom” and she still doesn’t understand why our class is behind…</p>
<p>When teachers ask (genuinely) if they’re giving us too little homework.</p>
<p>“There is no anti-quotient or anti-product rule. It’s not gonna sneak up on you and go ‘Ah ha ha chloroform.’”</p>
<p>On my AP euro teachers syllabus, he said things that would not be permitted in his class, like cell phones, his latework policy, cheating and he wrote: “students are prohibited from disparaging cats” LOL! everyone thought he was joking, but he is in love with cats. every day, he takes time to show his new LOLcat screensaver. he’s funny and a great teacher though.</p>