<p>My APUSH teacher is a football nut (he and my dad get along very well 
). The first day of class he told us to expect bad grades when the Jets lose, because he grades quizzes during commercial breaks in Sunday night football.
Which isn’t really fair, because if the Jets do well in the first half and then go downhill the second half, people get uneven chances…
He also pushed off our test to be after the Super Bowl so that he could watch it in peace.</p>
<p>Sophomore year:</p>
<p>Alg II H:
Student: Can you put the arm down [on the projector]? I can’t see the board.
Teacher: Okay. You’re so stupid and ugly!</p>
<p>Student: Can you turn on the AC?
Teacher: Suuuure…Hey baby, how ya doin’? ;)</p>
<p>Teacher: Shut your cake holes.</p>
<p>Teacher: Are you stealing the batteries out of my calculator?!?!?"</p>
<p>Teacher: Are you eATING in my class?!"</p>
<p>Freshman year…
English:
Teacher: Yeah, once I had to stop the car while I was driving to sneeze. My juniors love it [when I sneeze], they count the number of times I sneeze in a row!"</p>
<p>World History:
Teacher: And you can remember that ‘entente’ is French 'cause it rhymes with CROISSANT. CROOOOOISSANT. CROOOOISANT."</p>
<p>Yeah, math is really interesting this year.</p>
<p>This was said to me today by my French teacher.</p>
<p>“I think you’re charming.”</p>
<p>Obviously, I died laughing. I’m trying to think of more funny things said by my teachers, but nothing comes to mind.</p>
<p>Algebra II teacher: “I love my kids. Sometimes. My wife loves me; contrary to popular belief, I do have people who love me.”</p>
<p>He was a fun teacher.</p>
<p>My Econ teacher has a lot of these. =P
“I love Price Elasticity of Demand! I’m a PEDophile!”
<em>queue laughter</em>
“Oh… damn.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to drive home this point… I’m going to park this car in your cognitive garage.”</p>
<p>"…so this piqued my interest."
<em>laughing</em>
“Oh come on, what’s sexual about ‘piqued’!?”</p>
<p><em>picture of girl meditating on projector</em>
Teacher: “When I see this,…” (blah blah blah, I forget)
Student: “I just see a girl with no pants.”
Teacher: “Well that’s the difference between you and I, Student… a 16 year old and a 50 year old. The 50 year old sees a person in calm meditation, and the 16 year old sees a girl with no pants.”</p>
<p>My Jazz Improv teacher is great too:
“Okay, let’s play ‘You A Stupid Ho’ in A flat.”</p>
<p>Most of his are actually really long stories that I don’t feel like typing out. Once he told us how, after when he got his wisdom teeth taken out, he had to be carried out of the dentist’s office by his dad and his girlfriend (now wife) while sobbing uncontrollably.</p>
<p>my annoying ap gov teacher: “okay guys this is the learning portion of the period”</p>
<p>This is sort of irrelevant, but last week we had this fundraiser where we brought in coins to all our classes and the teacher had to count them and roll them all before they could do any teaching.</p>
<p>^^ We did that same fundraiser a few years ago. It was pretty effective; I remember that some teachers were still counting the coins from the previous class in the next class.</p>
<p>My Human A&P teacher got on his soapbox and told my class about his view on the teenage brain.</p>
<p>“I am 100% confident when I say that the male, teenage brain shuts down around the age of 12.”</p>
<p>Of course, we all wondered why he said that, so he replies:</p>
<p>“Let me put it this way. Most-a you guys have trucks, right? When you’re driving your friend down a deserted highway and they ask how fast can your truck goes, the first thing you do is STOMP on the pedal rather than think about how dangerous going 120mph can be.”</p>
<p>Then he went on about the teenage-female brain, saying that “the female, teenage brain NEVER shuts down, compared to the male’s brain.”</p>
<p>We all wanted to know why, so he continues:</p>
<p>“Let me put it this way. You guys probably have a girlfriend, right? She probably wanted to go shopping with you at some point or another, right? Let’s say you were going to mall to just buy a $25 belt, but after the day is done you ended up spending $400. Why’s that? Because the teenage brain of a female’s NEVER stops thinking unlike you males. She goes to buy the belt, but then she thinks that a suit would go well with it. THEN she thinks about what kind of shoes would go well with it. And this continues on, and on, and on.”</p>
<p>So yeah, long story short, my brain currently doesn’t work.</p>
<p>Teacher 1: “The sign up sheet for stuff to bring to the dance will be outside.” Student: “[Teacher 2], are you going to the dance?” Teacher 1: “We all have to go.” Student: <em>laughs</em> Teacher 1: “Ha ha ha, I have a job.” Class: <em>laughs</em></p>
<p>“Use me and abuse me.” My AP Stats teacher said this once in class during review day for a test, obviously meaning “Ask me questions.” She must have realized how awkward it sounded halfway through, because her face turned bright red as she finished the sentence.</p>
<p>Priceless.</p>
<p>Idk if this counts as crazy but its funny.
Music Teacher: If you beat me at Super Smash Bros I’m giving you an F." <em>Day of Finals</em></p>
<p>Him: “I’m not a chemist, so I’m not really familiar with the table of… what is it… contents?”
Me: “Periodic Table of Elements.”</p>
<p>Our physics teacher, everyone.</p>
<p>“You have to murder in tempo”</p>
<p>I love my orchestra conductor soooo much!</p>
<p>My AP Euro teacher last year: “What is the meaning of life, you ask? Comfortable shoes.”</p>
<p>My Hon Calc teacher yesterday:
“What do you mean ‘When will we use this in real life’? This IS real life, isn’t it? And you know when else you’ll need to know the graphs of tan and cot? If you become a math teacher.”</p>
<p>Me: Wow! I’m really proud of myself for improving so much recently.
English Teacher: Not really, we’ve just loosened off on the grading so that you guys look like you improved on transcript.</p>
<h1>Prepschoollife</h1>
<p>Last year in AP US Gov
Me: bad cough, coughing nonstop in class
My teacher: Like I said, it’s tuberculosis</p>
<p>Class: Why do you have lyrics from One Direction on your computer screen?
English teacher: Why don’t YOU have lyrics from One Direction on your computer screen? </p>
<p>We found out today that he and other teachers were choreographing a dance to What Makes You Beautiful.</p>
<p>“I have magic eyes.”</p>
<p>He was talking about how he could see people using cell phones in class…</p>
<p>Math teacher: X is the pedophile so get it away from the regular numbers on the other side of the equal sign.</p>