Critique my Common App please

College Essays
1

<p>It's a draft and it is not finished. I suck at writing most of the time, unless I just have to state facts. So, please tell me if I'm on the right track and what I should do and not do, and what I should put in or remove. Also, please show me any grammatical errors I made. You can bold the mistake then number it, and then describe the mistake below the essay.</p>

<p>Thank you!!!</p>

<p>EDIT: sorry, i didnt mean Common App, i meant one of the personal statements required for UCLA. the topic of the essay: </p>

<p>"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"</p>

2

<p>PM me. I will review it.</p>

3

<p>PM ME! plz 10char</p>

4

<p>I can help you, PM it over.</p>

5

<p>PM it to me and I’ll read it over.</p>

6

<p>I’d be glad to read over it and provide some feedback! Just send it to me through a PM.</p>