<p>I picked out 4 schools for S#1–who wasn’t really interested in the process–and he applied to 3 of them. H picked one school, where S went to a summer program (against his will). He ended up loving it, and going to college there. D had very specific criteria and I gave her a list of 3 schools that she applied to. Visited all and chose her favorite. (In hindsight, maybe not the best school for her, but she did graduate last year) S#2 was also not interested in the process. Only applied to 3 schools. Did not even visit safety school. Picked best scholarship deal. S#3 only applied to one school–signed up for same scholarship his brother got, and would not look at any other schools that I thought might be reasonable choices. Didn’t want to bother with any other applications. Parents did make all of their lists. Kids trusted me to do research for them. They didn’t really disagree much or have any better ideas, and all were satisfied with very short lists. </p>
<p>For those of you with kids who let you pick their lists-did they just go through the motions in school too? I can’t imagine having no say in where I went college from the get-go. Sure, some seem to have looked them over, but if they didn’t look at options to start with hoe do they even know what options EXISTED? These are life-altering decisions-I can’t wrap my mind around that way of thinking at ALL. I think that if I had a kid who was so disinterested in where they studied, I’d suggest they take time off from even going to college. I would be worried that they were not all that interested in moving on to independence.</p>
<p>I realize that few people have kids who start making out college lists in 7th grade like I do, and even fewer have 10th graders who have already researched GRADUATE programs AND funding in the likely major, but if she was the opposite and said, “No, mom, YOU look,” I’d be replying, “<em>I</em>am not going to college, YOU are, so here’s the website,college guide book, have at it.”</p>
<p>“For those of you with kids who let you pick their lists-did they just go through the motions in school too? I can’t imagine having no say in where I went college from the get-go”
-There is not reasons for assuming some extreme situations. I made a list purely for my own entertainment. I have presented it to my kid. She liked it and it went from there.
And as I said, she liked it so much that she ASKED me compile a list of Med. Schools. But I knew her criteria very well, and I knew that she would not listen to any advisors either. How in a world advisor would know all details when he has so many of them (in D’s case it was only 32 other kids, but it is still a very high number). Advisor did not know even the names of the programs that D. was interested. All he knew is to send her to some Ivy / Elite because of her stats and it was completely irrelevant to her situation.<br>
He college choice worked perfectly for her, it could have not been any better.<br>
We still have to see results of her Med. School. But so far. so good, few most important months ahead
However, how one choose college has nothing to do with the process of some other family.
I am not sure at all about the purpose of this thread. I just replied because I was asked and because we as a family have had such a fun with both application events, great memories for the rest of our lives.
I wish the same to everbody. I do no understand why some get practically enraged with some posts, These are for entertainment, not for the heart attack.</p>
<p>@sseamom Every family has some area of push & pull. If yours is easy in the college area, that’s really great! I would suggest you wait until she’s actually completed the admissions process before waving the victory flag though. You wouldn’t believe how many “with it” kids fall apart when making that “life-altering decision” becomes an immediate reality. Most kids also evolve as they grow making decisions made at 11 or 15 null and void… and some kids recognize that so purposely choose not to narrow down life before they’ve had more experiences. Some kids have watched older friends who seemed so sure fumble in college when the dream and plan didn’t work out like they thought it would. Like I said, every child/parent combo (and this can include various combos that live in the same house) has some easy areas and some that are just trying. So my kid was overwhelmed by the college search and needed help. She was darn easy in every other way so I count myself lucky!</p>
<p>Kids have different reasons for not being that interested in the process. Some are so involved /exhausted with homework and activities that they don’t have much time to do research. 17yos are inexperienced and lack perspective. “One year from now” seems like “a long time to plan ahead” for some kids, while we parents know it is just around the corner. One of my kids saw many friends/classmates go off to same state u., and after seeing a couple college brochures/websites/campuses concluded that “all colleges are pretty much the same. It doesn’t matter where you go. . .” Parents know that’s not true, but 17yos are looking at things from a very limited point of view. Most don’t even understand what a significant decision choosing a college can be. My kids are smart, academically. But they are passive/phlegmatic by nature. Some kids are eager to try new things/drive/move out/ be independent/make their own decisions. My kids haven’t been like that. (Congrats if yours are.) I wish mine would take more initiative, but they need to be pushed. I won’t let them just decide NOT to go to college–which might be their default, then they would forfeit scholarship opportunities. I’m showing them MORE options than they would come up with themselves, and guiding them through the process. The vast majority of kids aren’t searching all over the country, looking at all different types of schools. After limiting for geography, selectivity, price/scholarship/aid, academic program, size, sport/cultural/religious considerations, etc. most families will come up with a pretty short list. Parents know their own finances and their kids’ needs better than any counselor, so is certainly to a kid’s advantage to have a parent interested and willing to help. If that parent happens to be experienced and very knowledgeable about colleges and the application process, so much the better. People pay good $$ for this kind of guidance. </p>
<p>Turlte-don’t worry, I get it-my older D didn’t take nearly as direct a path to her current adult life. And I think it makes perfect sense to HELP your kids decide-they’ll need our input on what we can afford, how traveling might work, etc. after all. But I don’t get a kid just letting Mom and Dad do it all other than the actual applications (though I’ve seen here on CC at least one parent saying they’d written the essay. Maybe that was a bad dream though.)</p>
<p>And I DO know that kids change their minds. But D hasn’t since 7th grade other than to add a few more schools and intends to apply early-as in her junior year. She’s closer than it seems to doing the deed. As I say often, I just drive.</p>
<p>“For those of you with kids who let you pick their lists-did they just go through the motions in school too? I can’t imagine having no say in where I went college from the get-go.”</p>
<p>Oh good lord, talk about being overdramatic!<br>
The question on the table - look up at the title thread - was STARTER LISTS.<br>
Not a gun pointed at their heads with a “this is where you will apply, end of subject.”</p>
<p>What on earth is wrong with - “Because we have a broader perspective, because we’ve lived elsewhere and traveled extensively, we know here are some good places that might not be on the radar screens of most people in this area, and that, based on what we know about you and what you like, might be places that might interest you. Here’s a list; now go do some research, refine, add a few, subtract a few and we’ll go from there.”</p>
<p>Who said they “didn’t have any say in where they went to college from the get-go”? Schools I would have loved my kids to have considered fell off the lists because when they did their own research, something didn’t appeal. Some new schools made their way on. That’s how life works. As it so happened, D wound up at a school that was on the first list; S wound up at a school that wasn’t on the first list. </p>
<p>I’m very glad I gave them starter lists. It gave them places to focus and it broadened their horizons. THe names of some of those very fine colleges would never have come up if they’d just relied on what they heard in school and / or from their guidance counselors. I am not going to apologize for exposing them to a world beyond their backyard!</p>
<p>“Sure, some seem to have looked them over, but if they didn’t look at options to start with hoe do they even know what options EXISTED?”</p>
<p>Hello – <em>I</em> helped open their eyes to options. Unless you think that (say) Bowdoin, Colby, Bates - three on my short list - were going to just spontaneously pop up for suburban Chicagoland students with no personal ties to Maine.</p>
<p>Many roads, many modes, many destinations. </p>
<p>@sseamom - I think the point of this thread was asking who made the starting list, not who chose the college. Those are very different things. My kid and many of his friends are extremely motivated kids in general, but they just had some serious inertia about starting the process.</p>
<p>In our household, there was no “starting list.” There was an ever-evolving list of possible schools that were part of the dialogue between D, H, and myself. The school where D ultimately decided to apply ED wasn’t on anybody’s radar until fairly late in the game. </p>
<p>I’ve told this anecdote before on here, but what the heck. S hated everything about the process, everything. He was interested in govt / politics, so I had suggested the DC-area schools (Georgetown, GWash, American) and, of course, told him to go do his own research as well to see what he thought.</p>
<p>He came back with Gallaudet. </p>
<p>Gallaudet is a school for the deaf in DC. S must have googled “colleges in Wash DC,” saw Gallaudet pop up, didn’t look further than the first page, and figured he could throw that on the list and shut me up. LOL. No such luck!</p>
<p>But yes - to the point above, he had inertia about starting the process, but once it all got rolling he had very strong opinions, especially after visiting. His ultimate choice was something he insisted go on the table that H and I didn’t want to be on the table, and it turned out he was 110% right.</p>
<p>^^
That actually did make me LOL. </p>
<p>Several people here have mentioned that their kids had no interest in “the process” so the parents came up with the lists. That just doesn’t resonate with me. I’m certain that for most families, choices were at least something of a cooperative effort between parents and students, and possibly a counselor or paid coach. </p>
<p>Lol PG.</p>
<p>@sseamom mom wrote: “Several people here have mentioned that their kids had no interest in “the process” so the parents came up with the lists. That just doesn’t resonate with me. I’m certain that for most families, choices were at least something of a cooperative effort between parents and students, and possibly a counselor or paid coach.”</p>
<p>I can’t speak for everyone else who used this process, but it’s not so strange to me. Kids prioritize their time, they may trust their parents’ judgment on the starting list, the parents may actually know something about college(s).</p>
<p>@sseamom also wrote: “For those of you with kids who let you pick their lists-did they just go through the motions in school too? I can’t imagine having no say in where I went college from the get-go.” </p>
<p>I wrote earlier on this thread that my son was highly engaged in debate (he was a state champion), and I could have added other EC’s as well. He was an honor-roll students, won awards in debate, journalism, and interscholastic math competitions. He wasn’t a slacker then or now. Now working in the real economy, he’s a highly successful young man, with a published book that won a major national book award, as well as many other public achievements. He got there by prioritizing and working extremely hard.</p>
<p>D’s list was comprised of some local schools she was familiar with, some schools suggested by her counselor, and a couple suggested by us. Surprisingly, she chose to attend one that I had suggested, which she had initially rolled her eyes at. Score one for mom!</p>
<p>S’s list was really easy. It consisted of one school (his choice). He applied, got in, and is now happily in attendance.</p>
<p>Okay, I’ll play. I came up with the entire list for D. I didn’t know about colleges until I stumbled onto this site. I compiled a list for her and she complied. She got into her #1, LOVED it. Am I bad for pushing/choosing her into her choice? No, not in our circumstances…they were driven by finances. Would I do it the same way if money wasn’t an issue…probably not.,</p>
<p>“Many roads, many modes, many destinations.”
-This is a right as could be. Agree 100%, but do not forget to have fun in a process!!!
Mom’s, son’s, priest’s, sister’s initiative - it really does not matter. But having great memories of it is important. </p>
<p>If my kids had come to me spring junior year with a list of colleges they wanted to look into I’d have been thrilled. </p>
<p>Older son’s opinion based on spending time on four different college campuses with weekend or summer programs was that all college campuses have a lot more in common than difference. He just wanted a specific academic strength.</p>
<p>Younger son had more opinions, but if Mom knows as much as - insert your favorite guide to colleges book here - why not just ask Mom for suggestions?</p>
<p>Well, we skipped checking any rankings, let alone some books, did not occur that somebody outside of the familly would know better than us. However, I was interested only in one type of programs and got my kid interested in it. There are only about 33 - 35 of them in whole country. Since she did not care to attend further than about 4.5 hrs driving from home, that made a list short, sweet and unquestionalble. Anything that anybody mentioned that did not fit these 4.5 hrs went into deaf ears. </p>