<p>My son made his starting list of six. I vetoed one and suggested four right away; and a bit later on suggested one more. So, the working list of ten was populated pretty evenly by the student and parents. He then cut one of his and two of ours to trim it to seven he applied to. In the end, he went to the one I added relatively late in the process.</p>
<p>I don’t think the amount and degree of parental involvement was a negative; at a certain point it became clear he hadn’t factored everything into building the original list. By the time he was choosing between three finalists he had decided that he wanted a small school. But his original six were all large public schools, ranging from 12,000-50,000 students.</p>
<p>In my D’s school, the process starts with a questionnaire that the student and the parent fill out - separately. Then there is an initial meeting with the parent and student in the winter of Junior year. The GC creates a list of about 20 schools - reaches, matches and safeties - for the student to consider based upon the questionnaire and their knowledge of the kid over the last 3 1/2 years. Some of these schools are visited over spring break junior year and during the summer. The list is narrowed down over the summer since the school does not allow the students to apply to more than 8 schools. They will not send in documents for more than 8, even at the parent’s request, without a very good justification. From my experience, it is almost never extended to more than 8.</p>
<p>My D’s list was very short and her GC kept encouraging her to add more safeties to her list. This turned out not to be necessary in the long one. She got into her SCEA choice so it was one and done.</p>
<p>D 1 found most of her schools, but I added one or two. D 2 only applied to 3 schools, and I found 2 of them. They both picked a school that I put on their radar, and so far, (freshman year) they are happy with their choices.</p>
<p>It seems that very few schools are named in this thread; I find it easier to name the schools and then you can understand better how this evolved – my apologies if I’ve committed a faux pas. </p>
<p>Similar to Tperry1982 and Awesomekidsmom, my son’s GC was very involved, and for quite some time we expected DS to apply to MIT, CalTech, CMU, etc. He did some visiting, but we all realized that it wasn’t his way to “shop;” as a family, we’re more Amazon than going to the mall, so we stopped after one trip. </p>
<p>One day he came home and said that wanted to apply to Yale SCEA, with UMichigan as a match, since he wanted to have a “floor” under him for the RD round. We were surprised, but he’s always been a bit rounded rather than completely pointy, so we understood. </p>
<p>He was accepted to both SCEA, but then an interesting thing happened. Many classmates were pressuring him to apply to other elite schools; THEY had taken taken an interest in his school list. We weren’t pushing for it, the GC wasn’t pushing for it, all in all it was strange and had somewhat gotten into my son’s head. I referred to it as “trophy hunting by proxy.”</p>
<p>I asked him if he would trade his Yale acceptance for acceptance to any other school (HPMSC?). He said no. I said, enjoy the stress free remainder of your senior year. He accepted at Yale before Bulldog Days. </p>
<p>My D2 wasn’t disinterested, but she KNEW I had spent a lot more time thinking about this because of going through it already with D1 and spending time here on CC. She also knows that I know her better than anyone in the world, and she trusts me. And she knew if she wanted to add or remove colleges, I would certainly let her do that. Given that, I see nothing wrong with her asking me to make an initial list (which was about 30 schools) for us to discuss. We visited about 20, she applied to 8, and says she is the only person she knows (at least among her girl friends) who never cried once during her application process. She also got in everyplace she applied and is very happy with her choice. So… just because a parent picks the initial list doesn’t say anything about whether she had “say” in the process or not.</p>
<p>My S’s early list only consisted of three high reaches (Caltech, MIT, Stanford) and the local flagship (UT) as a safety. I talked him into considering several more of varying selectivity, size, and type – Baylor, Bowdoin, Carleton, Carnegie Mellon, Chicago, Colby, Cornell, Davidson, Duke, Harvey Mudd, Haverford, Pomona, Princeton, Rice, Richmond, St. Olaf, Trinity (in Texas), Tulsa, Vanderbilt, and Williams. We visited almost all of them (out of his original and my additions), but in the end he only applied to five of them, with Stanford being the only high reach and Rice being the only medium reach. He got into Rice and is there now.</p>
<p>sseamom, I think you’re very quick to ascribe the most negative implications to this, as if you’re invested in considering other people’s experiences in a certain way, as if you are looking for proof that other people are over-involved. I won’t speculate on your motives, but I do think you are way over-reading the fact that for some kids, the process is best begun by bringing up some choices to start thinking about what the child may actually want. Some kids are self-propelled, some need a nudge, and some need a kickstart! I don’t see how you get from “choosing the schools on your starting list” to “having no say in where you go to college.” Most respondents, in fact, have spoken about how the child’s preferences steered the conversation, at every stage of the process; the challenge for many parents is to get the children to fully visualize what they actually want, and part of that is helping to winnow the seemingly endless possibilities to a workable few, or conversely, to widen the outlook to include schools that their friends aren’t considering. Some people want to look at every store in the entire mall before they make up their minds; some are too inclined to buy the first pair of pants they come to just so they can go home. If you, as a parent, know that those pants aren’t going to fit for more than a week, you’re going to encourage them to at least look at another store before they waste their time and your money buying something unsuitable. And actually, I know a few kids whose mothers have had to just buy a few pair and bring them home for the kids to try on, since they weren’t willing to take the time to shop at all! That’s not overparenting, it’s being aware of the needs of your kids.</p>
<p>I enjoyed reading this post, particularly the ones who discussed their son’s choices and how they arrived at them. I have one son and he is a freshman at our state flagship university. My son loved school and it was a surprise to me that he seemed to not particularly care about which college he went to; he just wanted to go as he said, “the one that saves us the most money.” He had read so much about student loan debt he was nervous. Luckily, he was a a NMF and that was the golden ticket for him and made the decision for him.</p>
<p>To be perfectly honest I find it unsettling that a child in 7th grade would be putting together a college list. That does not resonate with me at all.</p>
<p>^^ HarvestMoon1, my oldest was walking around Boston College at around that age, and said “this is where I’m going to college.” And she ultimately did. But a list at that age, no, I don’t think so. </p>
<p>I think parents doing a “starting list” is fine. I think parents suggesting school in addition to a kid’s list is fine. I think parents being honest about where the kids can afford to be going is more than fine-it’s necessary. But I don’t think a college list generated solely by the parents is the way to go-and some here DID make the only list their kids considered. I feel strongly that kids should be more invested in their futures than just going wherever mom and dad tell them they should go. If it works out for some people, ok, but I can’t see how a student would be 100% invested in his/her education if they did not choose to be there and are only at a school because someone else thinks that’s where they belong.</p>
<p>Harvest and Ixnay-you don’t know my daughter. She’s been ahead of the crowd since she could walk and talk, and her ideas for college are no different. Her school is a grade 6-12 school and they do start talking college as an option as early as 6th grade, with the final goal being at least one college acceptance for every senior (and they have met that goal, even though many of the kids are first-gen and/or ESL). I’ve written about this school on many other threads. It’s won all kinds of awards and propelled students often considered “less than” into accomplished young men and women.</p>
<p>That my daughter has taken it beyond what her class HAD to do in 7th grade (look up schools and see what a college offers for majors) and actually researched them and made a list is exactly the kind of thing she’d do with any challenge-go beyond the expected. She’s already done things many adults never accomplish and has continued to add more accomplishments this school year (you can see my brags on the “Class of 2017” thread). </p>
<p>Please do not be troubled, she has plenty of time to “be a kid” and have fun, but she is very goal-oriented and driven. This is one reason she plans on dual enrollment her HS senior year/college freshman year at the college of her choice. She has already researched where she will likely live after college while getting graduate degrees. Those who know her understand that this is who she is. We do not doubt that as with so many of her other goals, she will reach these as well.</p>
<p>Harvestmoon, my son was in 5th or 6th grade when he asked me (a single parent), if he got into MIT, could he go? i replied, “If you get accepted, I’ll find a way”. </p>
<p>I don’t think that is the same as creating a list. He was aware that a man who was in carpool had a very fancy car, and we did not. Nor did we vacation like others he knew. I believe he wanted to know that if he worked hard and succeeded, would we be able to afford it. I wanted to inspire him, not douse his dream. For all I know, his math teacher may have made a passing remark about MIT. This was so many years ago, I rather doubt he would recall this conversation. </p>
<p>Bookworm, that’s how it started for my D. I was reading an education blog (I follow ed issues locally) and a link to a link landed me on…CC, where I saw the SuperMatch thing. Since my older D had already done her college search and enrolled, I asked D if she wanted to play around with it with me. When she heard there were such things as HBCU’s I swear I saw an actual light bulb go on over her head, and she never looked back. Her original list was built from that first adventure on CC and states that are warm. Her research over the years, plus last summer’s visits, has rounded things out somewhat. But her two of her top three have never varied.</p>
<p>Ixnay, I thought you asked for stories. I find it interesting that billcsho’s DD even knew what chemE was when in HS. I only learned a few years ago. And I will await news where sseamom’s little one goes.</p>
<p>@bookworm, I don’t recall asking for stories, but I do generally enjoy them. Maybe I’m having a bad evening, but it seems to me that many threads have a strange vibe tonight.</p>
<p>Maybe it was on another thread someone asked for stories. Perhaps I ate chocolate Halloween candy for first time in months, and it affected my memory. (I know there is a thread about this being chocolate day.)</p>
<p>Bookworm, she’s a sophomore who towers over me-and is taller than her dad. She hasn’t been little for awhile now. But she is so very different from her brother and sister-I am fascinated to see how she operates. It WILL be interesting to see where she goes.</p>
<p>S1 was looking for strong math/CS programs, so there were a few on the list from the get-go. What started his search was when the parent of one of his friends <em>and</em> a CS teacher at his school suggested he consider Harvey Mudd. We went there the summer after soph year (while on vacation), he talked to a couple of profs who popped out of their offices to say hello and chat, and then his search became focused on other places where he could find that kind of vibe (math/CS with strong humanities requirement). He had ten on his list, withdrew his apps for three (and never sent recs for another one) after getting into two of his top three schools EA. He did get into Mudd and it was very high on the list til the very end. He had a number of friends all applying to the same schools, and was very conscious about not wanting to garner acceptances where he knew he wouldn’t attend. He looked at 12-15 schools altogether. </p>
<p>S2 had some ideas in hand for mid-sized schools, but wanted to look at LACs as well. He is a social sciences guy, more well-rounded than S1. Some schools were better fits than others, and by the end of the day, the schools that were the best fit were the ones where he was accepted (and he went 0-1-2 on LACs). He got into one of his top two EA, and by that time had cooled off to LACs. He had talked to coaches in the fall at the LACs, but did not follow up. I think the schools (rightly) took that as a sign and W/L’d him. He considered about 25-30 schools and had asked me to give him suggestions (i.e., a school the size of X, with Y emphasis in Z program, etc.). We did not visit all of them, though he did see all eight to which he applied. He was also on CC talking to folks as well. </p>
<p>We spent a LOT of time discussing colleges and the merits of various programs, but they both decided where they’d apply, and only chose schools they’d be happy to attend. The only exception was one school we asked S1 to apply to, because new FA programs were coming out that would have been advantageous to us. As parents, we were pleased with their lists and the energy they put into the application process and their decisions. It was a bonding experience for all of us – something which I now know is far from a given.</p>
<p>(P.S. I still second-guess from time to time, though.)</p>