<p>a few weeks back I posted concerned that d and her bf are going to the same college...
now I just found out they are in the same dorm!
swell
this is not good
I like him, but I wasn't thrilled that theyw ere even going to the same school, let alone the same dorm
d seems to understand the possible repercussions, but still doesn't seem that worried about it
next I will find out that they are on the same floor, and next door neighbors!</p>
<p>did this happen to anyone else and how did it work out?</p>
<p>what are the odds of this happening at a big UC??!!</p>
<p>Don't worry about it. At a lot of schools dorms can be very large with hundreds of students. Unless they were actually down the hall from one another, they probably won't see each other much more often than they would if they were in different dorms. Students tend to spend time with and get to know the people on their floor, not their whole dorm. If they were going to stay together before, they still will, and if they were going to break up, they still will. Being in the same dorm probably won't have much of an effect.</p>
<p>I don't see that it matters at all. And the chances are actually quite good. My son and his cousin ended up on the same floor of the same dorm at a huge state school. They hardly ever saw each other. At least not when they didn't intend to.</p>
<h2>"what are the odds of this happening at a big UC??!!"</h2>
<p>Is it possible they actually requested the same dorm because they want to be housed, as much as possible, together? </p>
<p>I understand the concern because the bf/gf setup tends to inhibit the branching out and exploration of the new and different we all hope our kids do when they go off to college. And if they do get sick of each other and break up, it could be uncomfortable if they are in the same dorm. Is it possible to talk to your d about requesting a different dorm? Personally, I don't think forcing the change is a good idea...but perhaps you could convince her of the advantages of not being housed together.</p>
<p>Well, I guess they will either latch onto each other and totally miss out on meeting new people, or they will get sick of each other totally. I am not sure what you can do about it at this point....kind of like living in the same house but not together....maybe there are some visitation rules that would limit overnight visits....ie. no opposite sex after midnight etc.
Good luck.</p>
<p>When my D was a freshman she started dating a boy on her floor. She said that the kids had names for things like this. A relationship w/in the dorm was called 'dormcest' and one on the same floor was 'floorcest'. LOL. I thought maybe a little humor might help. P.S. They dated 1 1/2 yrs, and after the first yr requested different dorms for some 'space'. They have remained friends, which is good considering how small her school is. But I do think she did not meet as many people first year had they not lived in such close proximity - that all changed second yr, and I think living apart served them both well. I would find out if maybe the BF intentionally requested the same dorm, or vice versa. IIf they wind up on the same floor, I'd request a change before move in day.</p>
<p>Since they are already going to the same college, I don't think it will matter which dorm they are in. I think the issues are whatever they were before....time spent together, branching out, staying together, breaking up, etc. I think they will spend the same amount of time together whether or not they are in the same dorm or not. If they want to, they will. </p>
<p>Frankly, which dorm they are in will not affect whether or not they opt to spend the night in the same room. If they want to, they will. </p>
<p>At my kids' schools, and even back when I went to college, there are no rules about overnight visits with the opposite sex in one's room.</p>
<p>
[quote]
what are the odds of this happening at a big UC??!!
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Not uncommon. Last year, UCLA placed all of our high schools kids in the same two dorms. To me, that is not a good plan since one object is to meet new Frosh, but I guess the 'big UC' thinks that is better to have known faces around (just speculating here).</p>
<p>Exactly. Being on opposite ends of campus will not prevent them from spending the night together in one of their rooms.</p>
<p>Don't worry too much about it. These things run their course. The kids will have different schedules, and hopefully participate in different ECs . They will meet new people and choose what to do together, and what not to. </p>
<p>Even if your daughter went to Cal without him, she could start dating a new boy in Week 1, and spend time exclusively with newboy. And not really spread her wings. So there's no prediciting anything really.</p>
<p>I don't think the dormcest taboo applies to preexisting relationships.</p>
<p>Even if there are restrictions on overnight visits, they probably only apply to guests coming from off-campus. There is really nothing to prevent dorm resident A from being in dorm resident B's room at any hour of the day or night -- except perhaps an irritated roommate.</p>
<p>I'm not sure what is concerning you about this.
They are going to be at the same college and if they choose can spend all of their time together inculding night times as roommates are very accommodating. This can occur whether or not they are in the same dorm. Most college students are having sex whether or not their partners are in the same dorm or are at the same college.</p>
<p>Your D and her bf can choose to branch out -- make separate friends, be involved in separate activities that meet their individual needs.</p>
<p>It's also possible that by the time that college starts, their relationship will have ended, and the fact that they are in the same dorm won't matter at all because dorms have hundreds of students.</p>
<p>Anyway, there's nothing that you can do about it, so you might as well release your concerns and concentrate on what you can control in your own life.</p>
<p>I for one think it can make a difference if they are constiently in the same building at the same time</p>
<p>I mean what if she or he is talking to someone, kind of flirting and the other half feels the need to join in all the time, or feels obligated to join in even if they don't want to</p>
<p>It can create some complications of proximity and mixed signals and misinterpreted signals</p>
<p>It is not like HS where you can go home to get some space</p>
<p>The sex thing is just one issue, and if anyone is the least bit jealous, needy, clingy or aloof, it can make for a very uncomfortable year</p>
<p>Not much you can do, but it will put a damper on the social connections one might make otherwise</p>
<p>Come on people, be honest here, would YOU want your BF/GF in such close proximity so much of the time when you are really wanting to branch out</p>
<p>For instance, if there were certain expectations about time together, meals, etc because you are in the same building, it can get awkward</p>
<p>I understand the mom's concerns, and it isn't just about the hooking up, it is about a sense of privacy, distance and autonomy that one hopes for their child to have in college, and not having to deal with annoyances like a BF around 24-7 when she wants more for her D in terms of college life</p>
<p>I wouldn;t like this situation, as it just can be the cause of extra drama, annoyance, gossip, whatever so soon</p>
<p>Not much to do, but I understand the irritation the mom feels, we can't help it, we understand it will play itself out, but it is not the best situation</p>
<p>My S has a semi-permanent "suitemate" It's the GF of one of the guys. She goes to another college several hours away but comes to visit at least a couple of times a month and stays over. Distance is no impediment.</p>
<p>In my opinion, she can "get some space" the same way if she was in the same dorm or different dorms. If she wants time to be alone, she needs to set up parameters. I don't think the fact that he lives on floor X is that different than if he lived in a different dorm. How much time is together will be the same. The bigger issue was whether they went off to the same college or not, in my opinion. But now that they ARE at the same college, the dorm situation isn't going to dictate whether they cling together, branch out, etc. </p>
<p>CGM, you asked how any of us would feel if BF was in same dorm as our D? Well, I have one daughter who chose to amicably "break up" with high school boyfriend as she left for college, not because she didn't really like him but because she felt it was important to be open to college and not be locked into a boyfriend back home who she would rarely see. She wanted to experience college without being tied down to someone in another state. I am glad she chose that, even though I am fond of the HS boyfriend, who remains a friend. </p>
<p>However, she went to a college where a former boyfriend (from another state, whom she has known for nine years through a summer theater camp) also was attending (this was not a factor whatsoever in picking the school). Since that boyfriend was from another state and they did date for a long time in high school but chose to stop dating the last year of high school as the long distance thing was difficult and precluded dating local people, they remained very close friends (still are). Anyway, when D got to college, she resumed dating the previous boyfriend from another state. He happened to also live in her dorm (that did not factor in). Her dorm had over 1100 students. Distance was a problem in the past and now they didn't have that. I did not care one bit that he lived in the same dorm. They did not spend all of their time together at all. My D allocates some time with a boyfriend and other time to her friends and also to her endeavors. The fact that he was in the same building had no affect on how frequently they spent time together. They have since chosen to not date any longer but to just remain very very close friends, and likely always will be. So, I didn't care that they were in the same dorm. My D dated someone else this year from a different dorm that even requires a subway ride to get to. How often she saw that boy compared to the one in the dorm, didn't seem to differ. If anything, it is easier to go back to your own room for the night if visiting in the same building. If visiting across town, it is harder to make the trip back to your own place late at night.</p>
<p>Happened to my D and her boyfriend this past year. They'd been dating for a little over a year when both decided to attend the University of Colorado-Boulder (for independent and valid reasons unrelated to their relationship). They ended up in the same dorm but on different floors.</p>
<p>As parents, it freaked us out a little initially, but I'm sort of a "go with the flow" person over things I have no control, so we sent her off to college with the advice, "Learn a lot, have fun, and make some great friends."</p>
<p>One year later, they're still dating. Though they DID still spend the majority of their free time together (they are kindred spirits in many ways and we really do love this kid), both did well academically, participated in separate activities, and made LOTS of friends independent of each other. So it can work out well if both boyfriend and girlfriend make the effort to not be attached at the hip and are not insecure about what the other one is doing when they're apart. You're in trouble if one or both of them is required to "check in" all the time.</p>