<p>It’s my first child (female) who is applying, so this is something we worry about at home or BS as she starts thinking about relationships with the opposite sex. Although she has the facts, she has no experience at all. She really doesn’t like boys yet! An extra concern about BS is our inability to see “symptoms” of things going badly or to intervene immediately. I do trust her judgment but I’d like to be more available for questions - not leaving it up to her peers.</p>
<p>Spoon: If you send your child to BS, you will have no choice but to trust her there and rely on the in loco parentis status of the caring adults around her. You simply will not be able to do otherwise. Hopefully, she knows that you are always “available for questions” and that she can call/contact you anytime. Worrying about what you can’t control is not going to help or change anything.</p>
<p>If you do allow your child to go to BS, you will find that the relationship you have with her advisor will most likely be enough for you to feel comfortable that she is well supervised, well cared for, and easy enough to reach is she seems to be ignoring you. Control (over homework, friends, dating, free-time, clean clothes, general hygiene, etc.) is what you give up when your child no longer lives with you for long periods of time, but the advisors, teachers, coaches, dorm parents, and others do meaningfully stand in the gap. Good luck. Most here will tell you it’s worth it.</p>
<p>Spooner, ChoatieMom makes good points as usual. Adolescent challenges will happen whether at home or BS, including broken hearts, stupid decisions, and all the passion and awkwardness that goes with the age. However, what dorm parents, advisors, admins and faculty may lack in familial knowledge of your daughter, they make up for in infinitely greater and more frequent experience with adolescent girls your daughter’s age, maturity and innocence. It’s kind of a trade: experience for parental intimacy. </p>
<p>See if you can lay your hands on the bi-annual Independent School Gender Project results, a study conducted among a selection of boarding schools constantly mentioned on this site. Technically, the results are only meant to be shared among the participating schools, but if I were looking at Schools today, I’d ask if they participated and, if so, would they share the results with you. It’s helpful, especially for parents of girls.</p>