<p>Ok so in high school I never really talked to guys as any more than a friend. The only guys that would hit on me were total strangers.</p>
<p>I finished my first semester in college last week so I said my goodbyes to my new friends. Some of them exchanged numbers with me so we could talk/hang out over the break esp since some are going to a different campus next semester. (We all commute to our community college)</p>
<p>So now I'm getting confused caz some of guy friends seem flirty over text. Like what's up with the ---> ;) :) :P <--- ok maybe the tongue isn't too bad, me and my platonic guy from hs use that alot. But almost every reply has some type of emoticon. </p>
<p>Then one says we should hang out. I usually go out in groups even with my female friends but we don't have any mutual friends. Does it mean he wants to hang out as friends or a date? And what are some non-date places to go hang out with if it's just two people hanging out. </p>
<p>I wouldn't think it was possibly a date if I knew these guys long for a while but I don't. Maybe I am overreacting so can anyone tell me about their experiences with new friends of the opposite gender?</p>
<p>Movies? Something outdoors like biking or something if it is warm where you are? Get coffee? Play xbox? Go in search of the best donuts or ham sandwich or sushi in your town?</p>
<p>Good point, it seems mean to friend zone every guy for the sake of risking the chance of changing our friendship. Sure some drop hints but none are direct so I cant be 100% sure they like me unless they straight up say it.</p>
<p>DS just had a short-lived dating experience. I heard they started out to see some free movies with her and her friends at school. They went to a group dinner with her circle of friends. Later, they had a couple of more formal dinners together at a restaurant when it became more “official.” He also took her to the library to study together.</p>
<p>It does not work in the end. (among other reasons, it was a major turnoff when she talked obsessively about her exes for more than an hour.) When he paid his credit card bill for the last month at home, he said he had spent a lot of money (in his standard) and time on this and did not have a good result. With all the efforts he had invested on this, he only got someone who seems like a “sister” to him. She really did not explicitly say she wanted to end this new relationship, but her request for this relationship being one of her multi-dates after a month was a deal breaker for him. (Will he become her “relationship counselor” for all her current and future relationship from now on? This was not his original intention.)</p>
<p>Maybe he was too stingy (“invest” about $100 only in a month) so he did not “get the girl”? LOL.</p>
This is a good way to waste a guy’s time. You know, we do have better things to do in our lives.</p>
<p>If you aren’t interested in someone whose making moves on you, just tell them. Otherwise, you’re leading them on and wasting their time. If they want to be friends, they’ll still be around. Otherwise, let them move on.</p>
<p>The friend zone is all a bunch of crap. Most people are friends before they date. Just because a woman doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean you’re friend zoned. It means she doesn’t like you. Accept that and move on.</p>
<p>You could, you know, just ask if it’s a date.</p>
Some girl just wants to keep it as vague as she possibly could for as long as possible, never wants to send out a clear signal. It is as if she would rather not hurt her ex’s feeling. (E.g., she would not want to tell an ex that their relationship has been ended.)</p>
<p>You could argue that she has a good intention (toward her ex, assuming that he’s really an ex. She may not even be sure about this by herself.) But the next guy she dates will have a hard time in knowing he is a rebound, or whether her previous relationship has been ended or not, and the new relationship with her really ever gets off the ground after many official dinner dates.</p>
<p>mcat, please, for the love of all that is good, move ON! STOP obsessing about your SON’S month-long pseudo-relationship and assuming that girls are like that girl. </p>
<p>You do NOT know what happened- not really. Even if your son gave you his side of the story, you don’t know the full story. </p>
<p>It’s really, really creepy that you’re so hung up on it.</p>
<p>I see people often argue that the ‘friendzone’ doesn’t exist, but I really think it does to some extent. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve seen girls lead guys on for the perks that come along with it, even though they aren’t actually interested in them. I do think a lot of guys make a bigger deal out of the concept than it actually deserves, but it’s certainly real to some degree.</p>
<p>I’d say that the friendzone can work both ways though. I’ve seen guys lead girls on in the past, despite the guy not really being all that interested in the girl.</p>
I wish this is not true. If this were true to a certain extent, I wonder why some of them would do something like this. It just creates drama unnecessarily.</p>
<p>Yeah…one month long relationship could indeed be nothing but pseudo-relationship, especially when one partner does not want to be clear about what IT is from the beginning to the end.</p>
<p>Indeed we do not know much (and do not want to.) If it happened at the beginning of the school year rather than toward the end of the year when we communicated with each other more frequently about the holiday travel schedules, we may not even know it ever happened.</p>
<p>Precisely. So please, stop talking about it. You’ve posted more than enough information on here and the Parent’s Cafe for your son to figure out who you are. I’d be mortified if my parent was going on and on about a girl I barely dated.</p>
<p>Just a wish from a parent that he would have a less rocky relationship instead of being treated like this. I myself has had a successful relationship since my sophomore year (barely 19?) in college. It pains me when I see my younger generation may end up starting his first relationship toward 30 yo (and likely both partners with a lot of student loans to pay off in their life time). The life of this generation is just too tough in this regard, IMHO.</p>
<p>OP lots of times guys aren’t direct about “liking you” for the same reason you aren’t direct about asking “is this a date”…it’s awkward and there is a fear of looking like a dork and/or ruining what is there. THAT SAID, if you don’t have and believe you could not have feelings for the young man be KIND and limit exposure. Some very nice guys (yes, "the “nice guys”) will hang on a LONG time because they don’t want to rush it or have the girl feel like they are pressured/only after one thing/are nervous…if YOU know it ain’t going to happen don’t go on single outings with him, don’t let him pay, etc.</p>
This is a good “rule” to follow. By sticking to this rule, it would avoid giving out a false hope or even sending out a wrong signal.</p>
<p>What DS had got, after they had done all of these (DS paid for many formal dinner nights and movie outs as a couple) was that “let’s have “brother-sister” relasionship”, like “could you help me to sort out my ex’s issue.” Or, what is it really about when we have been in a relationship for a month, the girl would continue communicating with other guys (some being exes) online simultaneously all night and very frequently? It is as if there is very little respect about this new relationship.</p>
<p>It would be better if they start and keep in this “semi-sibling”/platonic relationship from day one till now, instead of keeping sending out a mixed signal in these dating events (even today).</p>
<p>Be kind and make it clear as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Ohh Lord, no I wouldn’t let the guy pay for me regardless if it was real date or not! If he refuses to let me pay I’ll find a way to pay him back. I feel like he thinks I owe if I let him pay & who’s to say it’s gona lead anywhere. I can pay for my own ‘wasted time’</p>
<p>Another friend took me to get ice cream as a belated bday thing & refused to let me pay since it’s for my bday. I couldn’t stop that since he paid for both of with a credit card. Later when he dropped me off I tried to give him money but he refused to take it so I put it in the glove compartment. </p>
<p>I asked him if it was a date & he said no. </p>
<p>And to say I’m leading the guy on by not calling him out on his actions is Wrong. He could really jus be nice to everyone like that & after a while when a girl doesn’t respond he gets the point. I don’t want to confront anyone when I could possibly be falsely accusing the guy of liking me.</p>
<p>I heard the act of a guy paying for his date in the early (but not the very early) stage of dating is just like a (somewhat old) tradition or “courting protocol.” Some (esp. some women) has a problem with this tradition nowadays but some do not. Actually, one CC parents said that if no token amount of money is involved, like going to a free movie on campus (esp. in a group setting), it is not considered as a date. But I think he is my generation but he may not know the protocol of the new generation just like me.</p>
<p>I think DS intentionally moved slowly/cautiously in his first few “group dates” by purposely not paying for his “potential date candidate”, who was one of the girls (and some guys also) going out for a gathering. He did not want the girl to misinterpret it as an official date (to her and to their mutual friends.) However, he paid for her when it became an official date later on, in order to “officially” declare to both that they are now on a date.</p>
Go in search of the best donuts or ham sandwich or sushi in your town?</p>