<p>This isn’t an issue of a different education. It’s an issue of different social goals. Do you guys both live in a suburban area or from similar areas? </p>
<p>My biggest issue is the fact that you’re paying for everything. I went on a date with a guy who wasn’t working and decided to drop out of college to focus on working out and to work on his writing (which was pretty bad, by the way). We never went on another date after that because I couldn’t get behind the idea of him not working or going to school and literally sitting in his bedroom all day doing push ups and writing about some motorcycle adventures. Like, never.</p>
<p>But you guys are in a relationship. It’s worth talking to him about it before you run the other way.</p>
<p>I don’t think the issue here is the difference in education. I have a degree from an excellent university, and my boyfriend doesn’t have any college education at all. But we are intellectual equals and we are both equal contributors to the relationship-- and we want the same things. For us, it never even occurs to me that he is less educated than I am-- if you ask me, I think he is smarter than I am anyway. Sounds like you and your bf might not make as good of a match as adults as you did as kids-- and that’s okay, that doesn’t make your time together any less special or important, but it does mean it’s time to move on.</p>
<p>This issue does not seem to have anything to do with the fact that you have degree discrepancies, but rather with your lifestyle preferences. You want a different kind of lifestyle than he does, and that would probably persist even if he did go to college. He seems to be unwilling to grow up and take responsibility.</p>
<p>To answer your question, I have an MA and am working on my PhD and I am engaged to a man who doesn’t have a BA. He dropped out of college. He works full time - and very hard - in a skilled trade, he’s extremely intelligent and intellectual, and we talk and debate things that are important to me all the time. He may go back to college, or he may not. More importantly, our personalities match and we have similar ideas about lifestyle. That’s what’s important.</p>
<p>Simply put, if you enjoy being around each other and genuinely love each other, then why should one’s education level matter? Sure, having a higher level of education is ideal, but you must ask yourself: am I truly happy with this person, or am I looking for something else that my relationship can’t provide me with?</p>
<p>You seem unhappy in your current relationship. I say that the two of you sit down and have a deep conversation about your needs and objectives in this relationship.</p>
<p>Just dump him. There’s plenty of other fish in the sea. You’re so young and you still have so much to explore. If you don’t plan on staying with him for the rest of your life (Idk if you do), then save the trouble and dump him now. YOU’RE ONLY 19.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for the replies everyone. I am just having such a hard time letting him go because we have been together for so long now. We have so much fun together when we’re just talking or hanging out at one of our houses, but I just can’t see a future. I bit my tongue a lot in high school when it came to going out or buying presents or something, because I knew he came from a very impoverished background and he couldn’t really help it. People made me feel bad all the time if I ever even thought about complaining. They would constantly remind me that not everyone is born into a great life like I was, and that I needed to not be so quick to judge. This is all I have heard for the last six years.</p>
<p>Our conversations are intellectually stimulating sometimes. He is really smart and insightful, he reads a ton of books and loves history in philosophy. However, he really struggles in school. He is just now learning trigonometry, which is something I mastered in eighth grade. He got an ACT score in the teens, and graduated high school a year late because he failed so many classes. I always tried to look the other way, because he really has such a good heart and makes the best out of everything. My parents adore him, he is extremely polite and very down to earth. This is what drew me to him in the first place. However, my parents constantly warn me that although we are great friends, they don’t want me to marry him because we don’t want the same lifestyle and it will just never work.</p>
<p>There are red flags. He constantly makes fun of my education, saying school is a waste of time and I’ll have so much trouble finding a job after graduation even with a degree. This really hurts my feelings because I take my education so seriously. When we try to play games like scrabble, he’ll spell three letter words like “dog” which makes the game no fun. </p>
<p>He does have goals. He served in the army and he is very proud of this. He said he is thinking about starting school in the fall, but I am very doubtful because he has said this every season for the past three years. He promises me that we will have the life I always wanted and he will get his act together. He says we’ll live in a big house, send our kids to good schools, and be debt free. But from where I’m standing, nothing has changed. He still has no money, no car, and has yet to start school. I also don’t want to make him into something he just isn’t.</p>
<p>If he’s the one telling you he plans to do all this, he either wants to, or wants you badly enough to feel like he needs to… So you should give him another chance, it seems like he deserves it. That’s only my opinion, though.</p>
<p>My life would be so different had I married any of the guys I dated who were in high school with me. People change and you certainly are growing up. Don’t feel guilty for having more than your BF does, both financially and academically. I have known a lot of nice guys in my life, none of whom I would want to marry. </p>
<p>Don’t flame me for this please, but I after I graduated from college, I did not date anyone who did not have a college degree. I thought it showed a level of ambition and goals. Although I think that I could be very happy with a craftsman today, that is how I felt at the time.</p>
<p>I know of only two couples who have different education levels (one with and one without a degree, not undergraduate/master’s/Ph.D. Differences). In both cases, the man does not have the degree; these two couples seem to struggle. I know, I know, two couples. </p>
<p>You are getting warning signals that this relationship is not working. Listen to that inner voice. Lots of things go into relationships and similar goals is pretty high on the list. </p>
<p>I don’t think the education is a problem. My mother did a stint in junior college, but dropped out second semester and apparently failed a lot of classes. She doesn’t have a desire to go back. My dad on the other hand, has a BS in History, an MA in Political Science, and a JD in law. He also has 30 years of military experience. They get along just fine and have been married for twenty years. That being said, my mother works for my dad, so my parents are on pretty equal footing. She basically runs the business while he practices the law.</p>
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You need to tell him. You need to tell him exactly how you feel. It sounds like you have a good relationship, you just have different goals in mind. Him putting you down is not a good thing and it’s probably out of jealousy or guilt or some other negative emotion.</p>
<p>Ending relationships is hard, you invest a lot of yourself to maintain them and it isn’t easy to walk away. But sometimes you need to, and I think that’s the case here. He is never going to be what you want, and it isn’t fair to either of you to pretend that doesn’t matter–you know it does. You don’t want to live your life constantly having to look the other way about these things, or feeling like your education is being demeaned. You also don’t want him to live his life knowing that he is never going to live up to your expectations-- if you stay together he will wake up and fail every single day he is with you because he is not the kind of person you want him to be. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but it means he’s not the right one for you and forcing it doesn’t make it better for either of you.</p>
<p>Grab a good friend and get a hug. You deserve one. I know this isn’t easy. :(</p>