<p>My oldest has been accepted to all the schools she has applied to ( Arizona State, Georgia Southern, Alabama, Ole Miss) She was never fired up about college at all in the first place, and now seems to be in panic mode saying she doesn't want to go anywhere she was accepted, and wants to apply to more schools....she's killing me! Her friends for the most part have put down housing deposits, made final choices, etc...We moved to Georgia after moving from the Chicago suburbs after her freshman year of high school. Is this a common occurrence? It's very frustrating!!</p>
<p>University of Alabama all the way.</p>
<p>Perhaps she just isn’t ready to attend college. You’d be better off letting her wait a year or two to get her thoughts together, than force her to attend college now, only to have her drop out.</p>
<p>1) IF she’s actually not ready, taking a year off maybe a good choice
2) If this is just regular senior stressing, which is totally normal, U of Alabama is the best school to go to</p>
<p>Has she toured these schools? Met any faculty?</p>
<p>What are her career interests? </p>
<p>Did she get into any honors programs?</p>
<p>You’re an Ill transplant. Bama has a LOT of Illinois students.</p>
<p>Aren’t there still a lot of colleges that are accepting applications? Make sure she knows what she really wants.</p>
<p>"Perhaps she just isn’t ready to attend college. You’d be better off letting her wait a year or two to get her thoughts together, than force her to attend college now, only to have her drop out. "</p>
<p>This. Exactly. The not really fired up in the first place is what sets off my alarms. I know from experience that if your kid makes a decision because she thinks it’s what you want to hear, things have a way of going sideways. There’s no rush, a few years off may help her find her path, and save you money and her heartache in the process. Do think about it.</p>
<p>That said, Arizona State is a great school-my sister and a close friend are alums. The close friend is only a few years out of college, so that’s recent information. Don’t know the major, but they have an excellent business program, their education department is quite good, and they welcome out of staters. The weather couldn’t be any nicer, and students get a free pass to any and all public transportation. Every time I visit my sister I can see why she chose that school and why she stayed in AZ.</p>
<p>Since you now live in GA, I would NOT suggest attending a school that’s too far away. AZ may be fine, but it’s too far away for a student who’s not too sure about her future.</p>
<p>In such a case, I wouldn’t want my kid so far away that she couldn’t easily come home for a long weekend. Having a child several states away makes that very difficult…even when you fly. </p>
<p>It’s not unusual for a student to have some cold feet at this point. She may feel that she’s just gotten settled after the ILL to GA move, and now she’s got to change her life again.</p>
<p>Tell us more…did she do full tours of these schools? Where are her friends going? Does she want to be with them or away from them?</p>
<p>The only school she toured was Old Miss. When I asked her, can you see yourself here? The answer was, I guess. Not exactly an enthusiastic response! Only wanted to apply to big state schools, would not entertain any smaller schools, or any in the Midwest.</p>
<p>She was an honor roll student focused on visual arts at New Trier our Illinois school. After our move, the hs we choose basically dropped the majority of its visual arts program…budget cuts, but an epic football stadium…</p>
<p>She has struggled to find a path since our move. Took two AP English classes, has an IEP due to ADD and math processing issues. 3.0 GPA and about right at the average points on SAT’s. Tells us she can’t wait to leave, is 18, blahh blahh blahs, then refuses to sit down and discuss her future options. Maturity issues, fear? Not sure.</p>
<p>Have discussed Gap year options briefly. Husband is concened if we don’t get her out the door somewhere for school she will have huge regrets come August. Since this is our first go round, don’t want to screw it up too royally. Our hs here has one part time college counselor for the entire senior class of 600 plus, so as a parent, you are pretty much on your own for the entire process.</p>
<p>Thanks for advice!</p>
<p>“She was never fired up about college at all in the first place, and now seems to be in panic mode”</p>
<p>This is actually very common among all types of students. I remember a friend of my daughter’s (now at Princeton) had to be grounded to finish her applications. I bet your daughter is ready and will do just fine. Why not take charge a bit. Since I’m guessing Alabama is the most convenient for you (maybe convenience for you is enough), why not take her and look at housing. I bet she’ll buy the bumper sticker, decision done.</p>
<p>I do want to mention one possibility. Any chance she is missing her more liberal Chicago roots? even if you aren’t. Has she voted yet? Leave open the possibility that you may not know her emerging political leanings. If this could possibly be the case, please let her explore new choices. Best of luck.</p>
<p>My apologies. I did not read your second post which shared more information. I see now you have concerns I didn’t take into consideration.</p>
<p>I see this happening with most of my son’s friends now. For son, this hit around Sept and most days he is over it.</p>
<p>I think to a certain extent it is very normal to be paralyzed by the big changes to come. </p>
<p>She may not be able to process and articulate exactly why she is feeling this way, but as a parent and spouse of ADD folks, none of them in my family deal well with change and they all exhibit minor social anxiety.</p>
<p>In our house, I have found decisions work best when I lay out all the options and provide a deadline for decision. If the person in question doesn’t meet the deadline, I tell them in advance that I will make the final decision and X is my decision. My mantra is a lack of decision IS the individual choosing to make a decision by proxy. I do this for everything, sometimes even just ordering dinner out</p>
<p>If I were in your shoes, the laying out of options would include specific Gap Year ideas.</p>
<p>I’d also look into community college. </p>
<p>My kids school has an arts program, but is not great at directing the kids or building stunning portfolios. Our community college is in the heart of an arts community. Could be, she still has a passion for the visual arts, but feels post HS education should be pure academics.</p>
<p>At the least, look into how easily it would be to take arts courses at the schools she has gotten into. I don’t mean just signing up for the class, but also fitting in all the studio time.</p>
<p>It looks like her loss of enthusiasm is from losing the subject she’s most interested and successful at: visual arts. No wonder she’s not excited about doing more of what she’s struggled with in her current high school. I haven’t met a student who doesn’t want to feel successful. Kids with ADD struggle, and that’s accompanied by anxiety, stress, fear of failure, and low self esteem. Yes, they have to do all academics too, but having something that they enjoy and are good at, means a lot whether it is art, music, sports, a certain subject…
So, IMHO, she’s likely to get enthusiastic about a school that offers her the program she would love along with the academic support she needs. I agree with not sending her too far from home, so that she can still have your support- and she can still come home once in a while to get a break.
Look at nearby schools that have great visual arts and disability supports.The two closest ones are GA southern and UA. Arrange for her to visit the art departments, meet other students, visit the student disability center. Hopefully she’ll regain some enthusiasm and be able to pick one of them.</p>
<p>I think this is a pretty normal occurrence, especially for teenagers who are normally poor decision-makers (like myself).</p>
<p>I took architecture classes in high school and expressed great interest in it. When the time for college applications came around, my parents believed it was what I wanted to do and pressured me to major in architecture at NC State. (I don’t blame them for this; they were just trying to help me.) I had doubts about my desire to commit my life to architecture, but I didn’t feel like I could tell my parents what I really wanted to do. As a result, I did nothing and didn’t finish applying to any colleges. Another year came around and I expressed no interest in applying to college. </p>
<p>It was after this that my parents realized that I wanted to devote my life to art. That is precisely what I didn’t feel I could tell my parents. There is a stigma around being an art major. The perception is that it isn’t a “real” major and that it’s for people who don’t want to get a “real” job. I didn’t think I would be well-received if I told them I wanted to do this. But my parents have actually been fairly supportive.</p>
<p>Feeling invigorated by their understanding, I applied to multiple colleges this past fall (and I did it pretty early). I was accepted by all four schools that I applied to and am currently in the process of making a selection. Right now, I’ve essentially narrowed it down to two choices; but I’m having trouble deciding between them. Even when I know what I want to do, I’m having trouble choosing where to do it.</p>
<p>That just goes to show how common it is for teenagers to be slow in selecting a university. It is especially difficult when they feel they must hide what they truly want to do. Make sure your daughter knows that you will be supportive of her no matter what she decides to do. If she truly doesn’t know what she wants her path to be, a gap year might be the best option.</p>
<p>This might be pretty normal. Actually it seems a bit abnormal that people are already putting down deposits, etc. there is still almost 2 months to official decision day</p>
<p>We have to wait for financial aid packages to make a decision and right now my D is just pretty tired of the entire process. It is a lot of stress that we put our kids through just to get this far. Not surprising they want to take a breather for a bit.</p>
<p>I would try to visit some of the schools she applied to and maybe see if you can arrange for her to sit in on a class in the visual arts department to try to get her excited. Perhaps there are some other schools with strong visual arts departments that are still accepting applications.</p>
<p>I agree that a gap year is a possibility as well. But if she takes a gap year, I’d defer at the favorite school so far and take time to look at other college choices as well.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the replies. Have scheduled a tour at Alabama, and the visual arts department. She’s actually excited to go, thank God!</p>
<p>alicia- That’s great news. Can you call the art department and ask if she can attend class with another art student and eat in the cafeteria with him/her? Some colleges will arrange part of a day with a current student, and even sometimes an overnight stay in the dorms.</p>
<p>It’s a great way for your D to see what it is like to be a student, and also make a friend before she starts. Although you need to see the school, I think it’s good for parents to be out of the way for part of it, so she really sees how she will do this on her own. </p>
<p>Hope this goes well.</p>
<p>Alicia,</p>
<p>If you need any help with scheduling your day at Bama and in Ttown, go to the Bama forum and post. Lots of helpful people there from all over the country.</p>
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