<p>My daughter is doing an internship away from home. As of recent, a few events have happened to her, and I was wondering what advice and words of comfort I can pass onto my daughter in this delicate situation.</p>
<p>She has experienced many incidences of sexual harrassment recently. One particular case included being touched and kissed by a stranger despite telling him to stop and being in a public place. Another was experiencing indecent exposure on the same day.</p>
<p>More seriously, she believes that she had non-consentual sex a few days ago. She was drunk and was not completely sure about what happened, but vageuly remembers some pain and believes she passed out. She woke up in a man's house. </p>
<p>When she confided in a (male) friend about what had happened, she was told that it wasn't a big deal and that it was her fault. Needless to say, she isn't receiving much support, and irrespective whether some of the events were partially due to her own actions, feels worthless and needs some comforting words. I'll pass on any advice.</p>
<p>Are any of the harrassment incidents related to her work? In that case, she needs to go straight to HR and her supervisor. Even if the offender does not get punished (happens sometimes), usually it stops (that was my experience, anyway).</p>
<p>She probably should get a STD test if she thinks she had “non-consensual” sex. Not sure what her birth control status is, but also need to be concerned about unplanned pregnancy. There is probably no way to prove it if she was unconscious and there were no witnesses… The obvious steps are to NOT get drunk, obviously not socialize with any of those people any more (whoever had the party to start with, the man whose house she ended up with, and the unsupportive male friend).</p>
<p>If the harrassment incidents are in public, she should do her best to avoid the locations where she is having an issue. It is not ideal – in an ideal world it would not happen, or a woman would have some recourse against the jerks harrassing her. But we live in the world we live in, and she probably can’t avoid them.</p>
<p>A self defense course is another good idea. Might have given her some moves to try on the stranger who touched and kissed her. </p>
<p>Indecent exposure – click a photo with her cell phone :), then call the police.</p>
<p>wow - I know this doesn’t cover everything, but my first reaction is to think in terms of being safe now and being safe later.</p>
<p>Safe Now = medical care, STD/pregnancy testing etc. around sexual incident. No more drinking, figuring out if she can function safely in her workplace/internship site for the duration. You don’t say if these issues are with adult co-workers/supervisors or other interns or random people. Is there an advocacy center of some kind near where she is to have someone to talk to who would be more supportive and work through what she’s experienced?</p>
<p>Safe Later = a policy of “amnesty” / “do-over” to learn how to protect herself and be an effective self advocate going forward. She may feel embarrasses and conflicted about what she should or could have done differently. Maybe a water under the bridge approach of not blaming or feeling guilty, but learning.</p>
<p>Again, just ideas trying to put myself in her shoes.</p>
<p>p.s. How old is your daughter (give or take for privacy if desired) - 18-19ish or 22-25ish or . . .?</p>
<p>edit: agree with above posters that it is unclear if this is a business, government or school related internship and if the perpetrators were associated with the internship.</p>
<p>How old is she? Does she have a pattern of heavy drinking or drugs? I am in NO way saying that any of these incidents were her fault but it seems that she is developing a pattern of putting herself in less than safe situations. Where did these incidents take place?</p>
<p>As a mother this would make me very sad and angry. No one deserves that.</p>
<p>But as a mother, i would also have a very serious talk about her activities, where she is going, who she is going out with, where are her friends or acquaintances when she is out, is she partying alone?</p>
<p>I am by no means blaming your daughter, however, as women, we need to be smart. Throwing alcohol into the mix without friends around is not smart. Going to places where men feel that free to paw women and no one steps in is not smart. Being so drunk you not know what happened is not smart. There is the possibility she was drugged. But that is why women need to have friends around. When you are young and not street savvy, garbage happens. </p>
<p>These events ate notnyour daughters fault. However, she needs to smarten up and toughen up and hang with better people.</p>
<p>Have her go to a doctor asap. Does she know the man she might have had sex with? Can she talk to him or os that too awful? Sadly, with stds, aids, pregnancy all in the loop daughter needs to take control. Fear is no excuse for getting checked out. Neither is embarrassment, they have heard it all. And if indeed she was raped, even if she can’t or won’t press charges, talking to someone is importsnt to learn to trust herself and others again.</p>
<p>One safety tip I received from experienced female travelers re sexual harassment in public or semi-public places was to get over our in-built fear of ‘making a scene’ and get loud really fast. Scream, point at him, shove, call for the police - get every eye within 100 yards looking at you. Your assailant is 99% likely to turn and run. I have regrettably had to use this technique on public buses, in subways, and in the street - it is one of the hazards of being a female traveling alone - but it has never failed to work and there is some minor satisfaction in seeing you attacker scurry away like a scared rabbit. Another friend advised that when confronted by men who expose themselves, you should point, laugh and start calling everyone in the vicinity over to look - again, these men count on you being shocked and upset rather than laughing at them. </p>
<p>Re the non-consensual sex, she isn’t sure it happened, but she needs to find out for her own health and safety.</p>
<p>Is this a government related internship or arts program? Maybe I have been living under a rock, but this sounds like a lot for one day in a business setting.</p>
<p>Look for a program on womens self defense. They are usually short term. They are not just about physically fighting back, they are about looking strong, paying attention, sending off vibes of don’t mess with me, learning how to say no in a voice that can be heard, and not feeling the victim but taking back control.</p>
<p>These events are not her fault, but she needs to figure out “why me”…like when a friends purse was stolen, not her fault, but to put it bynher feet near a subway door was just not smart</p>
<p>She is in her late teens. In response to the substances, as far as I know, she has never done drugs (and is proud of this), and apparently this is the only time she has been drunk all summer. She was sober, in a major city, in broad daylight when the other incidents happened (and these were not connected to her work). The man is from her work, but they do not work together. Maybe it’s a case of a lot of bad coincidences.</p>
<p>The first 2 do sound like bad coincidences, but as Seahorse said, there may be something about her carriage or persona that makes her seem more vulnerable and less likely to pitch a fit or fight back. That could relate to the 3rd incident. I agree with Seahorse about finding a self-sefense class and help your D to project power and feel less vulnerable in addition to appropriate medical care and follow up RE the sexual incident. I don’t have good advice about how to follow up in the workplace (there must be company policy on this) - hopefully someone with knowledge will pipe up.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry that she had to go through this. Unfortunately, incidences like this are common enough that she’s in good company. It must hurt to know that she has been hurt.</p>
<p>Women, of all ages, need to be proactive, stick up for themselves, and use their brain. There are creeps no matter where you are. If somebody gets too close to you, pull away. If some oddball that you don’t know tries to kiss you, immediately react and push him away. Loudly.</p>
<p>Never, ever, ever, get into a situation where you are so drunk that you pass out. Especially in a place where you don’t know everybody, and you wake up in “some man’s house.” That is purely stupid. If this is more than a once in a lifetime incident, that she drinks to the point of being incapacitated, you need to find her some help or give her a serious “come to Jesus” talk. Whose “fault” anything is, is irrelevant at this point. She needs to never put herself in a situation where she is not in control and she has to start using her brain.</p>
<p>And if this a student, posing as a parent, that’s fine. These are things that many people will read through and consider. Even if it’s a ■■■■■, then there’s still some good advice to be had.</p>
<p>Even if she doesn’t work directly with the man who exposed himself to her, she should consider informing HR about it since he does work at the company.</p>
<p>If she had even the slightest idea that she had non consensual sex, she should have gone to the er and had a rape kit done. She needs to go ASAP to be tested for pregnancy, stds, etc. Any physical evidence is long gone but she needs to protect herself.</p>
<p>If these incidents happened at work, go to HR. If they happened outside of work she needs to get a PPO against the man. </p>
<p>I would also suggest calling a sexual assault or teen crisis line. They would likely have resources. </p>
<p>I don’t know whether the op is real or not, but I’m leaving this advice here for anyone in this situation. I’ve worked a crisis line long enough to know these things happen to average people every single day.</p>
<p>I would be seriously curious how all this just keeps happening to her, and she just tells you about it, and does not contact the police, etc. I mean…this sort of thing does not usually happen a lot. Is it possible she has been drinking and does these things and then regrets it?</p>
<p>Absolutely. I had to deal with creeps growing up in NYC since i was about 12 and traveling solo on public transportation, though it happened occasionally on the street too, and always in daylight. They get off on girls/women just taking it and pretending it’s not happening. </p>
<p>As for the other incident, good advice already given.</p>