<p>My daughter is a senior this year and is looking forward to heading off to college next fall. However, she recently changed her mind about where she wants to go to college. Her whole life she has wanted to attend Auburn and now has suddenly switched to wanting to go to Alabama. As most of you in this area know, this is quite shocking! The thing that bothers me the most is that I feel the main reason she has changed her mind is because her boyfriend attends Alabama. She plans to major in biology and where I know Alabama has a fine biology program, Auburn or even UAB would be the better choice for her major. A lot of her friends are going to both schools so that is not an issue. We are huge Auburn fans (husband graduated from there), and this has been very hard for us. I am trying my best to not be closed minded about it, but after getting accepted to Auburn yesterday, I have been pretty upset about the whole thing. It's not so much the fact that she wants to attend Alabama (although that is part of it), it's more that we feel she wants to attend Alabama because of the boyfriend, and as we all know...that rarely works out and I am afraid it would affect her school work if anything ever happened. What do you all think? Am I overreacting? I paid her deposits to Alabama last night and am considering doing the same for Auburn just in case anything changes before next fall to ensure we can get housing at either university. Please help!</p>
<p>Unfortunately, it is a no win situation for you. You cannot change her mind, only she can. I think your best recourse is to support her and keep your fingers crossed hoping she changes her mind. Good luck.</p>
<p>Pay the $200 deposit at Auburn to get her in line for housing. For others that don’t know, housing is not guaranteed for freshman. She may feel differently in May, she may not, but you want her to have housing available.
FWIW, I understand being unnerved by a student who is doing a 180 on a school for a boyfriend. Add a school rivalry in the mix with family background and yes, it is understandable. Give yourself a break. Don’t make it an issue with your daughter. You will let her decide on her own when the time comes. If you push for her to see the merits of one school over another she will dig in her heels and hold on to this relationship longer than she may if it is allowed to die of natural causes.
As I said, my only concern with Auburn would be putting in the deposit to get your place in line with housing should she choose to go there. In my mind it’s worth the $200. Then let it go until April.
I would follow by saying the further concern would be any ethical issues with putting up a double deposit. At the end of the year the school that had a deposit will request a final transcript. Your daughter’s hs will only send out one. I don’t know where this leaves you from now until then…is it a legal issue? Simply a moral issue? You will have to decide.</p>
<p>Can this decision wait until April? A lot can change over the next 6 months.</p>
<p>You are exactly right. That’s the response I was afraid to see. 
Just disappointed because I raised her to be her own person. This has caused a lot of mixed feelings at our house followed by several arguments. I never, ever thought we would be going through this over a boy (even though she says he has nothing to do with it). Argh!</p>
<p>It can wait until April, but both universities are short on housing so the earlier you apply for housing/submits deposits, the better your chances are of getting housing. I am going to put up deposits for both. I might lose a few hundred dollars but it’s better than possibly losing more in case things do change. I would like to add that we do like the boy and that has nothing to do with it, we are just concerned she would give up her dream of attending one university for one she never considered until she started dating him. Raises some red flags.</p>
<p>I agree with the issue about the double deposit, I guess we will have to call one or the other as time draws near and tell them she will not be attending, and have the transcripts sent to the one that is finally decided on. I agree…a lot can change in a few months, and by spring, I think things will be more clear. I just hate we are having to deal with this at a time when we should be really excited for her. I am doing the best I can to be supportive, but just the whole situation has been hard for us. I hate for anyone so young change for someone else. Although, like I said before, she denies that is the reason.</p>
<p>By the time I finished reading, you solved your problem! Put deposits in at both schools. Maybe she and bf will break up by April, and then your problem is (mostly) solved.</p>
<p>But do realize part of this is about your dream for her. You had visions of her going to Auburn to follow in your footsteps. That may not happen, but, as I’m sure you know, there are worse problems to have. :)</p>
<p>okgirly…not being familiar with the area are the two schools close in proximity? Is your daughter one who would likely go through rush? Would it make a difference to her which campus she envisions herself on in that respect? I expect a lot of girls that do go through rush live in the houses, can that be a selling point for you one way or the other? Just a thought.</p>
<p>PS…go with her on a tour of Alabama (an official tour) just so you can see the positive side of the school for her sake.</p>
<p>“I raised her to be her own person”</p>
<p>Sounds to me like you succeeded!</p>
<p>It’s not unethical to put down $200 to save your daughter’s spot for housing at this early date. Many kids who find themselves on waitlists have to accept somewhere by May 1, so they do, and just withdraw later if/when they get off the waitlist. Colleges call this “summer melt.” It’s only unethical if you fail to notify the institution from which you’re withdrawing, at the same time as you accept the other school. In other words, you shouldn’t be making two incompatible promises simultaneously, but you can make them in succession. </p>
<p>From my out-of-state perspective, Auburn and Alabama seem six-of-one-half-a-dozen-of-the-other. Your daughter will get a fine education at either school. I wouldn’t sweat it unless her relationship to her boyfriend seems seriously unhealthy, and in that case the issue is not really which school she attends.</p>
<p>I am reading “Dixiland Delight” and one chapter is about the annual Auburn and Alabama football game. It gives some insight into how incredibly painful the choice is for an SEC family. It seems strange to an outsider. I think if the program were stronger at Alabama then it wouldn’t seem so harsh, but to think that your D is choosing the enemy because of young love that will probably wane must be particularly painful. My S and his GF broke up after 2.5 years only 4 weeks into his freshman year at college. Luckily he had not chosen to go to the same school, but it was a close second choice. </p>
<p>I actually think the deposit issue is ok until April 1 when a final commitment must be made so as not to adversely affect other students. Then, you may want to get some information on how she may transfer after freshman year…just for your peace of mind. </p>
<p>I will be thinking of your family on November 26 when Alabama meets Auburn…ask your daughter to watch the game and see what her gut instincts tell her…if she gets heatburn as Alabama racks up the points against Auburn, as she watches her father grieve in front of the TV…can she imagine a lifetime of awkward Thanksgiving meals whatever the outcome of the iron bowl? I am joking of course, but not a bad sniff test of living life as an Auburn turn-coat.</p>
<p>fineartsmajormom, not to digress from the main topic - but what is an SEC family? Just curious…</p>
<p>My daughter has changed her mind several times in the past 5 weeks over where she is applying. My neighbor’s daughter is now a college sophomore and found her school the last week of October. As our HS GC told us last year, we parents are supposed to just nod and say “yes dear, anything you want dear”.</p>
<p>Oh, Southeastern conference…ok… thanks. :)</p>
<p>Southeastern Conference. Not sure where you are from achat, but it’s a huge deal down here.</p>
<p>okgirly, yup, just looked it up. Sorry, I am not from there…but I still get it. :)</p>
<p>Oaksmom, she does not plan to rush. She is a very pretty girl and very outgoing, but feels that she would rather devote her time to school work and doing the things she wants to do. I have tried to encourage her to go through rush, but she is not interested at all. And that’s at either school.</p>
<p>The boyfriend may not work out – probably won’t, statistically – but that doesn’t mean the college won’t work out. Are Auburn and Alabama really more different than, say, Harvard and Yale? I know having a family tradition at one is lots of fun and shared warmth, but really the love can be there even if you root for different football teams. (NB: I “betrayed” my family college, too, by going to its rival when I didn’t have to. I have gotten teased for it a lot over the years, but it was the right choice for me, and I still have great relationships with my parents, uncles, aunts and cousins.)</p>
<p>A lot will change in the next 6 months, including possibly the boyfriend. It is hard to sit back and watch them make decisions based on maybe not the best criteria, but all you can do is tactfully remind them to weigh the various options, and then sit back. I would secure housing at both and then begin the waiting game. She will probably do well either place, and she is the one who will have to live with her decision.</p>