My DD has been anxiety ridden ever she has committed to Wellesley College. My husband and I definitely pushed her to make the choice. I know it’s normal to be nervous but she suddenly thinks she knows that she doesn’t want Wellesley’s high pressure, all women atmosphere. She isn’t really confident in her academic abilities and I don’t know if going to Wellesley will hurt her because she will deal with others who constantly strive for perfection. She also struggled with procrastination and time management lots in high school.
She keeps saying to me that she really wants to be at a place where there is more balance per say (boys, parties, more active social scene). It’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t even feel she can go in the fall and frankly seems to be lacking maturity and coping mechanisms. She also talked to a student she met online who talked about having a really negative, isolated time at Wellesley and is shaken up by that. What should I do? Sending her when she is determined to have a bad experience didn’t seem worth the money.
Did she have other choices? Was there another school she wanted to go to but felt she should please her parents by committing to Wellesley? Normally I agree students should go and that its just normal nerves but this sounds as if she is articulating really well why this may not be the school for her.
I have a feeling we’ll be in the same boat this time next year, with the anxiety and procrastination. What I’ll tell her is to give it a shot, see what happens, and she can change schools if it doesn’t work out. I’d also tell her to stay away from negative people (maybe point out a negative review of a vacation spot that she loved to show how two people can have totally different opinions of the same thing)
As Wellesley the highest ranked school that she got admitted to?
Was Wellesley the most financially generous school?
Did you and your husband feel or made your D feel like all of her other options were lesser schools and Wellesley was a “once in a lifetime opportunity?”
On face it seems as your D is living your dream vs. her dream and now that it is almost time to go, it is not vibing well with her. Will you be able to afford her top choice?
It is not uncommon for students to exhibit anxiety and doubt once they actually move in to their chosen school. Is it possible that she is expressing this anxiety a little earlier than most?
What were her other choices? Was there a school she seemed to like much better but she ultimately decided on Wellesley?
I would sit down and have a frank discussion with her. Does she want to take a gap year and reapply to other schools? Is she willing to start Wellesley and decide in December how she feels about the school and whether she wants to return? This would give her some control.
Unless you forced her to apply and coerced her to accept perhaps sit down and review the positives that had her choose to apply to this university. Being anxious about a life change is not unusual but if she feels like none of it was her decision she might be using this moment in time to exert independence and having her remember what attracted her in the first place might help. I am not big on kids applying to colleges they don’t want to attend so if push comes to shove I as a parent would also think long and hard about what she is saying. Perhaps the question “If you don’t leave for there in a month, what will you do or what do you want to do right now?” Never know she might have a plan but just be afraid to tell you. My friends D was afraid to tell her mom and dad she didn’t want to go to college until a week before they were to leave. She had a plan of her own and her parents were smart enough to let her give it a chance.
There are so many wonderful schools in this country, and I firmly believe that most kids will bloom where they’re planted. If she has other options that seem to her to be a better fit, then I think I would (quickly) explore those other options.
She’s off to college, about to make so many choices on her own. I think I would trust her judgment that Wellesley may not be the right choice.
As someone who went to a women’s college (and girls’ high school and k-8 school–and 98% women grad school, and work in female dominated workplaces) you have to really want to be in that environment to enjoy it. Send her off and let her begin the transfer process ASAP.
Also I would look into getting her some therapy at home and at school to help her understand and manage anxiety. If she’s anxious about this she may be anxious about other things. Also the time management issue you mentioned may tie into this.
It’s really hard to watch your child suffer.
Good luck.
Exactly the reason my kid didn’t look at schools like that.
If she didn’t want to go, you pushed her to go and now she doesn’t want to go—why make her go? A GAP year can be a beautiful thing and she can start all over with the college search. This time let HER pick and choose and find where she is comfortable.