@oldfort I do not believe your information on FERPA is correct. I typically head to the AACRAO site to confirm information. Unless the student has indicated full access through some sort of means (i.e. in writing, on portal), a faculty member cannot answer specific questions about a student’s educational record. Even special circumstances do not apply.
OP here- I wasn’t ever planning on reaching out to professors. I do like the idea of her giving us the weekly updates.
Will she know stuff on a weekly basis though? Grading opportunities in college tend to be very clumpy and do not occur on a regular basis - midterm, final, a paper here and there… I guess she could update you on whether she is attending classes, meeting with professors, etc.
I have a feeling you are leaning towards letting her have another semester to prove herself, and I think that’s fine. You know your daughter best. With my daughter I’d be willing to do the same.
And while I agree with others that say college is a time for kids to learn to self-manage, learning that is a process. Maybe she needs more guidance now and as she gets the hang of things you can step back and let her handle things on her own. Maybe you are more involved next semester and a little less each semester after. If you had to control her a little in high school then she may need more direction than kids who were independent when younger.
My D has talked a lot about how many of the upper classmen she knows that had quite awful grades first semester but turned things around. I definitely think it’s doable if your daughter is sufficiently motivated. Based on the stories my daughter tells us about some of her friends I have a feeling there will be quite a few conversations like the one you’re having over this break.
I would plan on a regular check in time with your daughter to review how things are going. For instance, on Friday afternoon have a discussion about what she needs to get done over the weekend and what does she have planned socially. It is a reasonable balance? Does she have some hard decisions to make? What are the due dates coming up in her classes? You don’t have to make decisions for her but help her prioritize and plan.
A few things my daughter learned this first semester:
- While many of my daughter's core group of friends never sleep and seem to never study, she is learning to find some that do. We've talked about how some people are great "party" friends - those you can always count on when you want to go out. But, you need some people who will support you when you want to study too and who you can commiserate with when things get hard.
- FOMO is a real thing in college. My daughter feels like she gets to do much less than others socially, either because she chooses to stay on top of her work and because her classes are simply more labor intensive than what many of her friends deal with. She doens't have any midterm and final only classes. She has labs, papers, tri-weekly math homework, etc. At first she struggled with feeling that everyone else was spending so much time together and was going to become great friends and she'd be on the outside. We spent a lot of time talking about how to balance her time the first few months and to take advantage of both study time and social time. She also had to come to grips that she would simply miss some fun things, but it wasn't the end of the world.
- Finding a good, quiet study spot where you don't be distracted or tempted is key. My daughter started going to the Library almost everyday in the afternoon so she won't be distracted and won't see what others are doing. Then she'd be somewhat on top of her work and could study in the dorm many evenings when what she was doing was less important. But, when she had a lot to do and other people were goofing around she sometimes just had to leave and study elsewhere.
- Working ahead is important for my daughter. She puts all her assignments in her planner and is usually working quite a bit ahead. That way if she runs into trouble with an assignment there is time to go to office hours, email professors, work with friends, etc. This has helped her a lot. And then when fun social things DO come up she can participate without making a decision about whether or not to do an assignment or participate.
Good luck to you and your daughter!!!
After reading where the OP wrote her daughter was a good student but they had to keep after her, I’m leaning towards the “bring her home” side of things.
In the actions the OP is considering in post #13 it sounds like intensive supervision is on the agenda, but this isn’t getting the kid much towards the self-motivation and maturity she needs.
The OP knows the kid better than us and can decide whether the promised turn-around if the kid stays is likely. But one takeaway from behavioral economic (books like “Predictably Irrational”, etc) is that we are very rational about actions that take place in the future, but then get sidetracked. Many people decide to, and honestly believe, that they are going to start an exercise plan, eat better, or study more. So why don’t they maintain these goals? The same temptations that in the past led them astray will still be there as time moves forward, and they succumb just as they did in the past. Our rational plan for losing weight doesn’t anticipate the birthday party for a coworker, the empty fridge at the end of a tiring day with fast-food just a drive away, the free coupon from the donut shop, etc. Any one doesn’t matter (which is often what we tell ourself when giving in) but give in to tempation here, there, and pretty soon we’ve added pounds instead of losing them.
If the OP chooses to let the kid stay then I suggest spending some time over the holiday break talking to her about what has distracted her in the past and how to handle it going forward. The D needs to come up with dozens of scenarios that occured last semester and plan alternative ways to handle them so she prioritizes academics without feeling like she’s giving up all fun in her life.
Just want to say again that I would tend to look deeper than just partying and socializing here. Undiagnosed learning issue or ADHD, depression, eating disorder, some roommate or romantic drama…It’s just a big jump from doing well in high school to doing this poorly in the first semester. It sounds like others have seen this happen, but I find it worrying from my own experience. So I agree with the poster who suggested counseling. Some therapists will do time management as well.
The “had to keep after her” gave me a warning bell also. She needs to do this herself. I would be a parent who let her go back but stipulate she needs a 2.0 or better. I would encourage finding a regular study spot, utilizing the writing center and attending study groups. I would not be monitoring the student class program…Canvas in your case. She needs to do it on her own.
Midterm, final, and a paper? Did your students get accepted to school in the 1980s? That hasn’t been appropriate teaching pedagogy, even at the university level, for a long time!
Side note: @jasper60103 --I was so happy to hear that your daughter’s success was partly due to working with TRIO. I was a TRIO counselor for ten years, and I think that is an outstanding program. I’m not sure if it still gets the same government support it used to, which would be a shame–it really does help some of the most in-need students get through college. Congrats to you and your daughter.
Both of my kids went to a competitive high school and writing was very important their school. D1 was a STEM student with good writing skill (but not great). As a liberal arts student she had quite a few writing courses. She said before every major paper she would go to the office hour to meet with the professor to pick a (good) topic, review the outline, then a draft. She said she was surprised how few people showed up for the office hour - except few days before the paper is due. By the time she turned in her paper the professor already knew her paper well. She actually said to me, “The professor is not going to give me a low grade because he/she has reviewed/read it so many times already.” I am sure from the professor’s point view, D1 was putting in extra effort in trying to write better.
D1 also did the same with her math and economic courses. She went to see her professors often and the problem sets they worked on would often be what’s on the exam. Again, she was surprised how few students went to those office hours.
D2 was a philosophy major. She also worked together with most of her professors. Another benefit of seeing professors often (play date) is to get good recommendation letters.
Option 1. I got lower grades as a 1st semester freshman because college life is full of distractions. I would offer 2nd semester with strings attached – get the grades up or come home for Year 2. A stern talking to about what college is for would be helpful. You might also ask for weekly or bi-weekly progress reports from your daughter, and you might want to give her a planner. A good one is The Work Smart Academic Planner from Amazon. Good luck!
@mikemac: Really great, insightful, & thoughtful post !
I agree with Compmom that your conversations over break need to have her take a real look at what the issues are. If it is truly that she was socializing rather than studying, that is one thing. But when you say you had to stay on top of her in HS, assuming you mean even in junior and senior year, there may be more going on. It may not be ADHD but could be organizational issues or executive function problems. You may, if finances allow, hire some kind of organizational/academic coach for her that may help keep her on point. Good luck!